@michelin

u could really a lot from iphiedial and other more matured sistas on this thread. At 18, ur so young, so immature, and so inexperienced u shouldn't be advicing matured people with serious marital problems. Ur teenage bravado sounds good, but does nothing to help experienced folks with everything on the line.

Ur not only unmarried, but I also doubt if u've ever had real good sex, or made love to someone who puts ur heart on a hanger. It's ok for the poster to see all perspectives, but let's not forget: this is not teenagers' forum. Kids and people's lives are involved.

so u caught ur hubby with his mistress and u did nothing? Na wa ooooooooooo, wonders shall never end, am sure it must be a contrived story

well speaking from the mind hear, who doesnt make mistakes? we all do, but one fact is that we are all humans thats the way God created us, looking at david who had sex woth another mans wife and God still spared his life, in nigeria today we have a negative mindset, look at kirk franklin the born again artist in the states he had a problem about watching pornography and he came out admitted it that he addicted to pornography, but still his wife still loved him and the kids as well, so girlfriend dont look at what others have to say to this issue just follow your heart, follow your instincts

naijaking1:

@michelin

u could really a lot from iphiedial and other more matured sistas on this thread. At 18, your so young, so immature, and so inexperienced u shouldn't be advicing matured people with serious marital problems. your teenage bravado sounds good, but does nothing to help experienced folks with everything on the line.

your not only unmarried, but I also doubt if u've ever had real good sex, or made love to someone who puts your heart on a hanger. It's ok for the poster to see all perspectives, but let's not forget: this is not teenagers' forum. Kids and people's lives are involved.

Im way older than michelin and I agree with her so stop being condecending.

Plenty of younger members on NL who have alot more sense than the older ones

naijaking1:

@michelin

Here I am

naijaking1:

u could really a lot from iphiedial and other more matured sistas on this thread.

Uhm, where are they? All I see here are some desperate fellows who would rather live unhappily forever than leave their husbands, because they would be the ones to lose.

naijaking1:

At 18, your so young, so immature, and so inexperienced u shouldn't be advicing matured people with serious marital problems. your teenage bravado sounds good, but does nothing to help experienced folks with everything on the line.

At 18 what else should I be? Old? I am indeed inexperienced but little children are also good at knowing what makes them happy and a man who cheats doesn't make any woman happy.
TOH agrees with me. Is she also immature and inexperienced?

naijaking1:

your not only unmarried, but I also doubt if u've ever had real good sex, or made love to someone who puts your heart on a hanger.

I have never lied about my status. I made it clear right from the start that I wasn't married.
And what has my sexual experience got to do with this? from this statement I can deduce even virgins of 30 years old aren't allowed to give advice to such issues. After all they have never had good sex or made love to someone who put their hearts in hunger.

naijaking1:

It's ok for the poster to see all perspectives, but let's not forget: this is not teenagers' forum. Kids and people's lives are involved.

I thought at 18 I was an adult. It's because people's lives are involved I am saying she shouldn't condoned what shouldn't be. Adultery is a marital offense. If not it wouldn't be a good reason for divorce. If the law also considered it as part of men's nature, it would bone all women who file for divorce.

@Michelin89and Thiefof hearts, please do not blow a gasket.
In my earlier post I made a comment about my friends and Thief of hearts asked why they are still my friends(poeple I grew up with).Michelin said the men in Nigeria who cheat should be ashamed of themselves.

My dears they will not be! Among their friends and peers they will be seen as champions or guys who run things.In all male dominated societies like Nigeria, the middle east etc.It is hard to accept for you women ,but men see themselves as providers ,head of the house,for some the wife is even something you acquire like houses.
Not like in the west where women have more clout than men in the law and in society.

A married female friend was telling me how she went job hunting and all the bosses keep on asking for sex(married men),I mean bankers, corporations etc. My friend asked his wife to stop searching for a job for the same reason(being propositioned ,sex for employment,All this by married men.
Ask female students what married lecturers are putting them through in our Universities.

[b]Do not be mistaken in thinking I am defending infidelity,[/b]I am just saying do not live in a fools paradise.
To cut along story short pray you marry a God fearing man,and as for Michelin I know Italian men are not much better(as you seem to live there)

Only a man with high morals usually as a truly religious person in Nigeria will not be sleeping around.
If he is rich, a politician or holds a powerful position then you can forget expecting to be his only one

Dont you think it's a shame though? I mean what is the point of the vows then? I mean it's not like most of these men are even Muslims where such is allowed but they claim to be "Christian" and have their weddings done in churches. I guess I just dont get why they bother when they know they arent gonna follow the vows or God's Law.

Vows reside on paper, life is here with us. Does he have an out of station apartment? Is it in the same place you live? Were you out on a business trip? I can understand when a man dares to check out another abunna but it beats me that he would do it in your matrimonial bed.

Would he have considered forgiving you, if he caught you in the same situation? How protective was he about the she involved? Were you out before then or that ignited your move out? You really don't just pack out after you get home to find him doing the unimaginable; my guess is that you have been having issues.

If you can't do without him then make him really beg before you return otherwise you're better off without him. Mind you, if he's done it once you would have to live through the second, third, fourth, unless the previous one occured in a rare moment of insanity.

Why do you people talk as if

Sex = Marriage

Marriage is much bigger than sex.

Stop this!

you have everything to loose by walking out of your married

firstly, you suffer the stigmatization of a divorcee, then you loose your wedded husband to somebody else. believe it or not, if you walk out on him today, there are 1001 women that are waiting. as for you, most men will even look at you twice soon as they discover you have been married before especially if you have had an issue.

much as i condemn in totality what your husband did, it appears women folks are unfairly always the victim in this context.

give him a few slaps and try and find out why he is attracted to somebody else. it might very well be that its an issue that can be easily resolved with better communication.

This thread is very educative. Marriage no be black and white for real

Nite Angel is usually the only guy who makes sense when it comes to such issues.

The guy I would say does not have respect for his wife to do what he did ,cheating is bad ,but in your home .
What she does is not up to what any one here says but how she feels about the guy and their marriage.
All have been trying to do is get people to have a reality check.
It is better to know what obtains in reality compared to the ideal situation.

The worrisome side of it was that he could not even defend himself as he just kept on going around trivial issues. That was on VALS DAY !

He is even beating about the bush!!

I'll be sure to spread the memo to all women that when getting married to a Nigerian male, they shouldnt dare expect fidelity.

Thanks samsilo

@ thiefof hearts
I would not say you should not expect fidelity, you just have to look hard and deep.
My dad used to take I and my brothers on his business trips when we were on hols.Most others would be taking their girlfriends or mistresses .
I said it before, people who are faithful must have a strong drive to do so,otherwise in today's world not only in Nigeria it is hard to do so.

sorry o - at least u caught her - did u let the man go? or u need help matcheting him and his blocos? please email me if u do.

well samsilo, are you saying it was wrong for this woman (the OP) to have expected fidelity in her marriage?

this girl self?

This story is bringing so much controversy, I am even beginning to doubt its authenticity, the wife said his family had told you about the man's mistress, so why were you surprised to see him with her in your bedroom? you should have joined them and had a party! As far as i am concerned, when it comes to cheating, once a cheater, always a cheater! I am not going to advise you to leave or stay, because you will do what you like, I cant even understand why you came to nairaland to discuss your matrimonial problems, we are indifferent here! most of the people here will not do what they are advising you to do, like annabell who says you should have given him some slaps! yeah right! a man who can bring another woman into your bedroom has no respect for you, and if you were to slap him, expect to get a few slaps too, a lot of naija men have no qualms being violent to women, how much more when provoked. My dear ladyjini, you can stay or you can leave, its up you, chikena

@babycakes
Well said!
I see little reason for the writer to expect real life counsel from this forum, when she should have tried some form of marriage counselling from her priest/iman/or rabbi. Marriage na serious issue-o. It's not just academical, and certainly not for underage kids like MICHELIN89 to mouth off on a subject they have no idea.

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][color=#000099][/color]

@ poster

I really do feel for you ,but since u guys r MARRIED, i tink d best tin 2 do is go back 2 him n sort tins out.But if this persist,i tink u sld file 4 a divorce,cos i dnt tink it wld b a good idea SUFFERIN N SMILIN n pretend everytin is ok while d situation eats u up.tink abt it critically b4 u make any decision aiight, n good luck.

I feel for you but you have to make sacrifice for your family to be in peace. I do not know if you have children. If you have, go back at least for there sake. Have the man shown any remorse on what he did? If he have, please forgive him.
I keep on pondering on this line of our Lords prayer " Forgive us our sins as we forgive those that tresspassed against us".
I know what he did is very bad and condemnable by all but to show him love and care, pls forgive him and come back.
I do not know again if you are starving him sexually. My neighbour have to date outside because his wife was starving him sexually. It took time before he stoped it. Pls, give him sex as much as he want it and he will see that you are far better than both the maid and those outside. Then, try to look smart and catchy. If you look smart, you will always be attracted to him and he will forget others.
Wish you best of luck and happy marriage life.

haa,so u r outta ur matrimonial home already, maa'm u will definitely wil b the one to loose in all.
u really dnt av to go dat far dear, seeking alternatives to make things work d way u want should b ur priority and not shooting 4rm outside.

ABEG GO BACK HOME N SOLVE ISSUES WIT UR HUBBY, ua even lucky he wants u back.

@michelin89,

ur perceived bluntness will only cause u troubles n pain(at-times beating sef), u r really immatured (though at per wit sm adults ).
bn married is xtremely differ 4rm still in courtship, @ courtship,ur advise might b kindda ok (nt fully) but in marriage,,,,,,,she's got to play it ril cool.
sm things r beta nt said at all.u dnt even nid to re-act b4 he realises he did wat was wrong.only make him get ur nt gonna take dat d second time(only as a threat o coz it can still consistently occur while it lasts).

ur mouth just sharp 4 notin, na suffer u dey toy wit, anyway na ur cross sha n na u n u only go face d gbege.

@ poster

the fact that you are seeking people's opinion on what to do tells me that you still love your husband and you want to go home but you're not just sure. marriage is a very delicate and complex institution which involves a lot of facets most importantly fidelity.

your husband has taken a wrong turn (look inwards; did you push him to take such steps? have you been satisfying him in bed and meeting his emotional needs?) marriage is not all about sex, it's about deep understanding and effective communication. you guys need to sit down (by yourselves, no third party) and open your hearts to each other. the Bible says "they were naked and were not ashamed" that statement isn't referring to just physical nudity, it's saying exactly how we should be in marriage - totally open to each other in all things!

so please go home and talk to your husband than take the matter to God in prayer. most of all get him to do an HIV test before you sleep with him again.

it is well with you.

@ poster

the fact that you are seeking people's opinion on what to do tells me that you still love your husband and you want to go home but you're not just sure. marriage is a very delicate and complex institution which involves a lot of facets most importantly fidelity.

your husband has taken a wrong turn (look inwards; did you push him to take such steps? have you been satisfying him in bed and meeting his emotional needs?) marriage is not all about sex, it's about deep understanding and effective communication. you guys need to sit down (by yourselves, no third party) and open your hearts to each other. the Bible says "they were naked and were not ashamed" that statement isn't referring to just physical nudity, it's saying exactly how we should be in marriage - totally open to each other in all things!

so please go home and talk to your husband then take the matter to God in prayer[color=#990000][/color]. most of all get him to do an HIV test before you sleep with him again.

it is well with you.

Am so sorry for you how could he have done that, i think in any marriage when their is love there should be no chance for any kind of satanic influences, now that he has let that befall him, pray for him and tell God to please remove this bad character from him and go back to your matrimonial home.

If you ask for divorce do you know the kind of man you will meet next? and there is this proverb that says A DEVIL THAT IS KNOWN FOR LONG IS BETTER THAN ANGEL THAT IS JUST KNOWN.

Think Twice,

@ POSTER

Sorry to bother u, your post is not clear at all.

Does it mean that u are not staying wt your husband?
Do u have kids?
Where were u on the vals day that your hus has 2 carry another person to your bed?
Did u have misunderstanding wt your hus before this issue arise?
please throw more light
My fello nairaland we need to kn all this before we can advice her.
ONE LOVE!

VIC4U:

@ POSTER

Sorry to border u, your post is not clear at all.

Does it mean that u are not staying wt your husband?
Do u have kids?
Where were u on the vals day that your hus has 2 carry another person to your bed?
Did u have misunderstanding wt your hus before this issue arise?
please throw more light
My fello nairaland we need to kn all this before we can advice her.
ONE LOVE!

na wa for you 0.
so d advise we av bn giving her before your interruption remains null & void until her response to your question?
o serious!!

dremoney:

na wa for you 0.
so d advise we av bn giving her before your interruption remains null & void until her response to your question?
o serious!!

Thanks for the comment!

But to b frank, What did u kn about their marriage? so u can give smdy advice just like that.
okay! Go ahead!!