forgive him and go back.thats what love is all about and you are married to him so you cant leave him.

yes love is about being disrespected in your own home

YAY FOR LOVE!

It s apity that you caught your husband red handed, but my dear plz go back to him, d devil u know is better than those angels u have nt met. I doubt if there is a man who has not cheated on his partner at one time or another , even if it were only once. wat if that once, he was caught, and the partner moves out, wat will happen, Niger will b d worse for it. Plz go back to your man.

Vitastraka:

@michelin

No need to stress yourself defending your opinions. You don't have to, and you obviously will not change the opinion of anybody else here. People have made up their minds.

I am not here to change anybody's mind. As my father always says "an ass in the morning is always an ass in the evening".

Vitastraka:

Hopefully you are smart enough to recognize you don't know everything

Of course i know that I don't know everything and neither do you. But for what I know this is a matter that doesn't even need to be discussed. I bet you to forgive a woman you caught with another man on your matrimonial bed on San Valentine's day.

Vitastraka:

Hopefully you are able to understand that there may be folks wiser than yourself out there who have had experiences you can learn from.

Sorry but I don't intend to make self-lesionists and hypocrites my teachers. All these people making mouths would never forgive their spouse who they caught cheating. Because they haven't been in that situation they think it's something that can easily be forgiven and forgotten. I am sure that most men that have replied are full time cheaters, while the women have either never experienced infidelity or are some frustrated things who think all women are left with no other option than to accept the situation.

Vitastraka:

Climb down from your soapbox and preaching for a bit and listen. Might do you a world of good in the future

I have already learnt something and that is: Nigerian women are screwed up!

dinner m:

forgive him and go back.thats what love is all about and you are married to him so you can't leave him.

Have you heard her? Your husband can do anything he wants to you but you can't leave him as your a trapped in something called marriage.

Silvaanogi:

It s apity that you caught your husband red handed, but my dear plz go back to him, d devil u know is better than those angels u have nt met.

What fool would decide to remain after knowing he's dealing with the devil?

Silvaanogi:

I doubt if there is a man who has not cheated on his partner at one time or another , even if it were only once.

Are you saying it should be condoned as it is usually done?

Silvaanogi:

what if that once, he was caught, and the partner moves out, what will happen, Niger will b d worse for it.

Worse for the woman who eventually moves out I guess! There is something called independence. Marriage is not slavery. It shouldn't be a life time contract with no chance of escape. There is a right all humans have right from birth: right to live; and an unhealthy marriage is a threat to our lives as it fastens the arrival of the fatal day.

Silvaanogi:

Please go back to your man.

Maybe you think he belongs to her, but, guess what, this husband isn't of the same opinion.

I doubt if the poster is still following this thread so i dont understand what all the fuss is about.

Now concerning man that have remained faithful to their spouses - They actually exist! Cheating should no be supported or taken lightly in any context. Women have to emancipate themselves from such mentality that accepts cheating as ok.

Like a said in my post sometime back. She needs to talk a holiday - possible on this man's bill - to be alone and reconsider her prospect and what she wants out of her life and marriage. She can then take a decision and stick by it. If she decides to return to the marriage, she should make sure they sign some strong legal documents first.

But I wonder, has she not made up her mind by now?

[quote author=somze link=topic=52335.msg1154590#msg1154590 date=1180466929
Now concerning man that have remained faithful to their spouses - They actually exist! Cheating should no be supported or taken lightly in any context. Women have to emancipate themselves from such mentality that accepts cheating as ok.
[quote][/quote]

Agreed.

@ somze finally a man with brains!

Thank you Thiefofhearts,
Cheating is definitely not okay. It irritates me when people say'Men cheat" and then shrug it off. The difference between man and dogs is that man has ( or rather should have) selfcontrol and dogs live at the mercy of their instincts. Its very painful for any lady when her man cheats on her. and then in their marital bed. That is the height of insult and disrespect.
My dear Ladyjini,
Marriage is sacred( though your husband does not seem to realize that). Dig deep and find a way to forgive him. However make sure he has a HIV test  so you know where you stand.

ok that response sounded alot smarter than my advice.

as the woman you do not have to leave your home.but is just that your husband does not have respect for you

dumi:

as the woman you do not have to leave your home.but is just that your husband does not have respect for you

This is the kind of mentality that women needs to be emancipated from. Thought i addressed this in my last post. Women have thesame rights and equality to men, in or out of marriage. If a man can leave because his wife cheats (or some other reason), then a woman can do thesame.

Is there anywhere that bars a woman from leaving a home just because she is a woman?

If we look at what happened from a mans angle the guy would have been dumped long ago. I wonder if he would have takken his wife back had he caught her with another man in their bed on st vals day but as we all know this world is full of men who think they are so special and expect a woman to latch on to them because "husband scarce" no matter what they do.So based on that i would recomend that you go back to him if you can bear to sleep with him and not feel like one of his sluts he picks up and sleep with on that same bed, if you can still trust him when he says honney i wont be home today ive got this meeting to attend tonight in abuja and if you can believe that he has a female cousine youve never met until the day you run into them in a supermarket doing some shopping and if his new secretary wont cause you to have heart attack especially when they go on his co called meetings in abuja together.

dear, u have the right to file 4 a divorse if thats wat u really want
afterall even the Bible allows 4 divorse only in this situation.
make ur decisions and follow ur heart
if u already have children try and go back on conditions dat it wont happen again
other wise, he will do it again and again.
i cant imagine a man bringing another woman into his matrimonial home and on the same bed
take heart

Go back to him as long as he has not asked u to go. The greatest mistake u can make is to allow another woman to take over ur matrimonial home I know it wont be easy unless both of u know that u can never be happy again.
If u decide to go back do not give any conditions whatsoever. marriage comes with its own challenges. u can either face up to these canllenges or run away. A strong woman would face the challange and hold on to God, I'm sure in will see u thru.
So pls go back home.

Somze, do not be deceived women do not have equal rights as men. Its cuz of this attitude or believe that drives most women out of their marital home and d reason why most girls are still single. A woman was created as a help mate not an equal. Gensis

ryder4lyfe:

Somze, do not be deceived women do not have equal rights as men. Its because of this attitude or believe that drives most women out of their marital home and d reason why most girls are still single. A woman was created as a help mate not an equal. Gensis

Are you tring to say the purpose of a woman's life is to become a simple help to a man?

I wonder if alot of the folks giving advise here are actually married. Some of the responses show that the respondents know nothing of what it takes to keep a marriage going.

Nobody has asked what the events precluding this incidents were. If a husband or wife decides to have an affair, contrary to what Hollywood/Nollywood makes us believe, it doesn't just happen. There are always precursors.
Here are a couple of questions to consider:
-Waht was your sex life before this incident?
-Have you guys been fighting or had disagreements?
-How much time do you spend with each other?
-Are there things he/shes being complaining about which you have refused to address?
-Is he/she getting the respect and admiration needed to keep focus.

 Men are not complicated beings, ladies know this right well. Thats why low neckline dresses, low waist line jeans, short skirts etc are in vogue. A man is stimulated by what he sees. It takes  discipline for a man not to be drawn to  boobs or backside. The ladies know this well.

 If your husband is not getting what he wants from you at home, be very sure someone outside will observe it and offer it to him practically for free!!! This does not excuse him, but it does make it easier for him for yield.

 Making him demean himself before you take him back isn't the answer either. Once again I suspect that answer is from someone who is single,divorced or about to be. Men are creatures of ego, they gravitate to people who make them feel important and needed. If you make him grovel before you then take him back, you'll have a broken man! Unless he never loved you to start with, he's already sorry for what he did. He'll be reminded of it regularly just by seeing you there.

 The concept of divorce actually refered to by Paul in 1Cor 7 says 'If the unbelieving departs let him depart, a sister is not bound in such cases' and clearly refers to someone leaving you when you are of different faiths.

 I think you ultimate response should be, be 'if it was me what would I him to do to me? How would I want him to treat me'? And don't say it can never happen to you cause thats not the point.

Remember he did something wrong, remember also we all do wrong things daily small thogh we might consider them to be. Humanity always gives grades to wrongdoing, but all cats are grey in the dark.

Consider these examples ladies, how many of you have brushed your boobs against a guy on purpose just for the momentary thrill, or flashed your boobs or thighs when you know he's looking? Even in church for that matter!! What about those jeans that show your ass crack every time you get up? Is that meant for all to see or just your hubby?When you put on those revealing clothes, what's in back of your mind? yep, he who is without sin throw the first stone.


 Keep your marriage together, unless he's a total loser who really never loved you.

Michellin89, I believe that a woman can strive to become what ever she wants to become in life but this must not be at the expense of her home otherwise she would not be considered a worthy example of a true african woman. A woman is suppose to be the strength of man when he is weak or down but when the woman now says she is an equal to the man then her purpose in life has been defeated. I'm sure no woman will want to remain single

ryder4lyfe:

Michellin89, I believe that a woman can strive to become what ever she wants to become in life but this must not be at the expense of her home otherwise she would not be considered a worthy example of a true african woman. A woman is suppose to be the strength of man when he is weak or down but when the woman now says she is an equal to the man then her purpose in life has been defeated. I'm sure no woman will want to remain single

1. Why can't my purpose be that of being my personal strenght? Can't I have selfish ends myself?

2. So woman thinking of herself, even if alone, has defeated her purpose?

3. Who told you no woman wants to remain single? Stop this mentality of yours and stop generalizing.

Michellin89,
Sure a woman can be her personal strength but the best in her comes out when it is applied to a man
I'm not trying to generalize, its just that I find it had to believe that a woman will want to remain single when she has d choice of getting married.
Remember, behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind every successful woman is ,
A woman is measured from how she's been able to handle her home.
The home belongs to d woman.

ryder4lyfe:

Michellin89,
Sure a woman can be her personal strength but the best in her comes out when it is applied to a man
I'm not trying to generalize, its just that I find it had to believe that a woman will want to remain single when she has d choice of getting married.
Remember, behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind every successful woman is ,
A woman is measured from how she's been able to handle her home.
The home belongs to d woman.

1. Is it a must she applies her strength to a man's success?

2. You have said it right. it's a choice not a duty. She knows what she wants to do. If she believe she is better off alone, who are we to say something?

3. Who is behind every successful woman? I guess herself. You are automatically admitting the superiority of women over men when it comes to mind using. Do you know that?

4. I thought handling a home was a man's thing. Anyways she should also learn to let go when it's still early. Forcing yourself into something that doesn't fit you is the biggest mistake we make most times.

5. The home doesn't belong to the woman in anyway. She might owe the house but the home isn't hers. being the one who keeps things going doesn't make her the owner. No one recognizes her as such because she has decided to hide in the dark and give all the glory to her husband. So he is the owner!

Hi dear,the story is sad,am a woman i know how u feel,but to air is human and forgiveness is divine,pls forgive him and go back to ur home,before someone else takes ur position

Michellin89
I agree with u, its a choice which I believe that every woman must make.
Yes d woman most times is always in d dark but if she's married to a man that truly loves her such  a man will acknowledge her at d end of day. A man goes out to make money a woman is expected to keep d home front( that does not mean that I am saying that a woman should not work oh!). Most successful men are powered by women.
There is a saying that a Good child is d son of is father and a bad child is that of the mother.
In essence women keep the home together. it is just that d african tradition tends to keep this fact in the background.
Its been nice talking to you. I've to go home now.
You can post ur reply.
Hope u will be online on monday still have a lot to say.

ryder4lyfe:

Michellin89
I agree with u, its a choice which I believe that every woman must make.
Yes d woman most times is always in d dark but if she's married to a man that truly loves her such  a man will acknowledge her at d end of day. A man goes out to make money a woman is expected to keep d home front( that does not mean that I am saying that a woman should not work oh!). Most successful men are powered by women.
There is a saying that a Good child is d son of is father and a bad child is that of the mother.
In essence women keep the home together. it is just that d african tradition tends to keep this fact in the background.
Its been nice talking to you. I've to go home now.
You can post your reply.
Hope u will be online on monday still have a lot to say.

1. Are you implying marriage is compulsory? You know that this mentality leads to a type of auto-condemnation when things go bad. Telling a woman that marriage is absolutely necessary in her life is like telling her she is ruined if she stays alone. well that's not what I'll tell my daughter. I'll teach her what the word "independence" is

2. A man who truly loves you will want you to share the glory with him. A selfish man can't love anyone except himself. this is a facto. It's more the other way round where a woman tends to let the man she loves be at the top of the mountain because she feels happy only when he is happy.

3. I have noticed that say too. That's what i am talking about. What kind of marriage is that where another person takes the merits of your job? That seems to be more like an employer and employee relationship. That is not marriage in my vocabulary.

4. I agree with your statement although we can't always generalize. let's assume that is the truth, however that doesn't make her the owner of the home. She has decided that her husband has to have that title no matter how less he does.

@seun/nairaland: Michelin89

na wa-o for this thread. How come this child(MICHELIN) has been allowed to post ignorant, dangerous, false, and retarded write-ups in this thread despite all available indication that she is not qualified to render marriage advice to anybody!

There're other sections of nairaland she could be of much use, but having her spew her ignorance on the pages of this thread is unacceptable and a deservice to our intelligence.

An innocent, but ignorant advice is no less dangerous than a malicious advice.
Yea, the forum is all about democracy, but democracy does not include giving advice that could hurt other people. Actually, Michelin could expose nairaland to serious legal liability from bad advice likely to go wrong one of these days.

She has shown herself to be "uneducatable" and unable to appreciate her limitations as a teenager.

This is the kind of mentality that women needs to be emancipated from. Thought i addressed this in my last post. Women have thesame rights and equality to men, in or out of marriage. If a man can leave because his wife cheats (or some other reason), then a woman can do thesame.

Is there anywhere that bars a woman from leaving a home just because she is a woman?

Nigerian women are morons, pure and simple.

naijaking, maybe this board isnt for you since you seem to have a problem with people having the right to respond to whatever they want, no matter how "young" they may be. There are plenty of people younger than her on Nairaland that responds to post so since you're a fascist who's against freedom of speech perhaps this forum isnt for you.

Your ignorance is worrisome

@thiefofheart, u too.

are u so evil as not to care that the poster receives good advice on this forum?
marital problems are better solved from a clinical perspective, never on a gossip column.
U should know ur limitations too.

so any advice you dont agree with is "evil" abi?

Lol you are indeed a joke.

@Thiefofheart

No, sista, no.

It's not about me or whether I agree or disagree. All I see is an attempt to prevent this poster from getting a realistic advice from people in this forum--- someting u and ur freind have been doing with so much teenage bravado.

You're never gonna be scientific if u base ur advice on emotions.

Once again, dysfunctional marriage is a well known clinical condition as represented in the DSM V.
If ur bro or sista has malaria, cholera, hepatitis, AIDs, Depression, etc we can sit here and gossip all we can, he will not get help until some one has the common sense to take him to a doctor.

Open ur eyes, Peace.

Dude, quit foaming at the mouth and get over yourself.

Who is stopping anyone from doing anything?

Believe it or not, everyone on this forum has the right to express their opinions. Again if you have a problem with that, maybe you should find another forum

who are you to say who should and shouldnt reply? Who dash you dundee throne?

Plenty of people are replying, why not run after them? cos they're male? There was one person who said that she should retaliate and sleep with the house boy, where was your outcry then?

Carry go, jare

@TOF

I'm not goning be drawn into ur male vs female stupidity. that's not going to help anybody.