@ pleep, in Imo State. We went to several & we are in our thirties.
I heard that it is just as hard to adopt a child there as it is in the States, just less expensive. Seems crazy to me as the state of some of those homes is appalling. Especially the Red Cross one. It was terribly dirty there was even trash on the floor where the babies were playing, things that could have choked them if they put in their mouth. No toys, very very hot no fan even. Babies were all dirty and in dirty pampers. SAD!

Stunna one more thought, you are really overlooking the fact that we all have someone already chosen for us. You need to pray that you find THAT person instead of worrying about what color they are & their nationality.

Stunna- It seems to me that you have already decided by your posts. We all have our preferences in life so why are you fretting over yours? You know what you like & what makes you happy so go for that, but don't close your eyes to other possibilities because you may overlook the person that is meant for you.
Tom28- Exactly how many white women have you dated or been married to? Why do white women make horrible wives? Ignorant comment.

I am American & Hubby is Nigerian, when we went to the motherless babies home none of them wanted to help us. They said we are to young, lol. Good luck.

WIll you be upset if your husband or wife sets up profiles on sites like 2go, nairalive & naijapal? Are those not dating type sites?

A leopard can not change his spots. So can you deal with it when you are married to him and prego for him & he is out messing with other women? If not as painful as it is drop him.

I checked with my Husband and he said he remembers it being about 10,000, not 15,000. That included the food, drinks, & flowers.

About 15,000

I met my Husband online. Actually I met my husband here on NL. We have been married for 1 1/2 year now & are so so happy. I think that the reason we have such a good marriage is that we really got to know each other first. We didn't have all the sex, attraction, uneasiness you get in person. He knows me so well sometimes it is scary even (plus I can never put anything over on him, lol). In person sometimes you will disregard someone because they don't look exactly as you would want or you may even stay with someone you know you shouldn't because they are physically attractive to you. When all you have is words you know if you are compatible & if that person has the important qualities you want in a spouse.

I was told that because I am married to a Nigerian I am eligible to get a Nigerian passport which is what I assume you want? The cost is $500 so if you travel there often it will save much money on visas and time going through customs. However, have you considered that it could make you more vulnerable? You would then be held to the same laws and treatment that Nigerians are, also if something were to happen to you while there the US would be less likely to step in to help you as you are a citizen. I find it a difficult decision to make. Call the Atlanta embassy at (770)-394-5233, they can help you.

I met my husband here on this site and we have been married for over a year now. When I travel there I love it, but it is nothing like home. Our plan is to live here in the US part time & there part time. I don't know if I can deal with the limitations there full time but it seems to me that as long as you have money you can live a lot like you do back home. Be prepared though because most people there do not have the money and they will assume you do. Always keep small bills because you need to give "tips" for everything. Also being white I usually end up paying twice the price for most everything I buy there, I am learning to bargain but I am not very good yet. Best of luck.

I have always asked to see whether the past is going to stay in the past or could the ex pop up again, Usually if they have nice things only to say it is a done deal. However if it is all negative they probably aren't over the girl all the way.

Sometimes those women who have children can be a better spouse. They know how to sacrifice for someone else & you already know if she is a good Mom. As long as her & the Father have nothing then it is no big deal. What does you family say about it?

In marriage love is a choice you have to make everyday. The grass may seem greener on the other side, but rarely is it. Good luck.

Racism goes both ways here. I know some white people who feel it is okay to say backwards comments about Black People. I have even ended 2 friendships over it. In general though most people who feel that way keep it to themselves. I have been married to a black men (2nd marriage) for 15 years and have never once had any problems with wayward comments from any white people. Nor has my husband ever had any problems with racism. HOWEVER, the worst racism I have encountered has been from Black Women (AA). They seem to feel free to say whatever they want about my being with a man from their race. If we go out dancing I already know I will be getting crazy looks & pushed on the dance floor. One called me a cracker & they will not hesitate to hit on my husband right in front of me. Of course this is not all Black Women by any means, my point is just that it goes both ways. It is a hard pill to swallow I used to answer back but I learned long ago that there is nothing I will say to make them change their minds, so I just smile at them & wish them to find happiness of their own.

I meet my husband here, we have been married for 1 year now.

We all make bad decisions at times, it is how we learn as humans. Not a reason for a suicide attempt. Life is to precious to end it over small money. You are in debt but you an get yourself out, maybe you can get a second job or cut out all expenses to pay the bank off? There are always options you just have to find the right one for you. If you can't stop gambling then you need to get help for that as it can be an addiction, I thin they have support groups for those things in Italy? You should turn to someone you trust in your family & tell them what is going on with you. You need support & a person you an be accountable to. Above all I think you need to pray for God to lift up your sadness & help you correct your mistakes. Remember the poem called Footsteps in the Sand? It is when we are at our lowest that God will lift us up and make a way for us.

Most of your statistics seem correct or close. Another important one is that 72% of all babies born to black women here are born to unmarried mothers. Of all the black women I know only a small handful of them are married. A few more live with their boyfriends. I have no idea what the reason it or what the answer is but it is a sad situation and I feel for the ones who do want a good man but can't find one.

My ex-husband used to work hours like this. When he was home he was so tired he couldn't even stay awake to play with the kids. It got old quickly, but jobs are not easy to find these days. Especially ones that pay so well. Aside from having lots of money I was basically a single mom & it was tiresome. I believe it contributed much to our breaking up.
My suggestion to you is that when the time comes try to reduce your hours some so that when you are home you have enough time to dedicate you your family. If that is not possible try to switch jobs/ careers to something compatible with having a wife & children.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/7293046.html

http://news.myjoyonline.com/international/201008/51019.asp

http://www.angelfire.com/pa4/dvmemorial/

From domesticviolence.org ; In 1996, 30% of all female murder victims were killed by their husbands or boyfriends. (Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1997)
40% to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family, 1996)

Some people on this thread seem to have extremely limited intelligence! How can you advise a woman who is being beaten to stay and continue to be beaten? Do you really believe that is what God wants for any of his children? That is not the God I know.
To suggest she has done something to warrant this is even more ludicrous. What could she have possibly done to deserve her teeth being knocked out of her mouth? There is nothing. And what happens when he looses his temper with the child, do you think he will not beat the child just as severely? Come on now, use your heads.
As for how she ended up with such a man; most abusers come so strong and sweet at first. You are everything to them and they are so gentle and loving. Maybe a tad to jealous but he will make up for it by being the most attentive boyfriend ever. It is only when he knows without a doubt that he has you the abuse starts. Usually by the time that happens he has cut you off from your friends and family and lowered your self esteem enough that you feel you have no way out.
What this woman needs is prayers and protection of her family not these silly 19th century views.

My husband is Nigerian (Igbo) & I am American (Caucasian). We have only been married for 1 year, so my view is still limited. I find that with understanding and patience things are going well. As far as parenting (I have children from a previous marriage) I believe he is more strict then I am, but that has been for the good. We are both Christian so that is not an issue nor are holidays as we celebrate both American & Nigerian holidays together.
The problems we have faced due to cultural differences are really things that all couples face. The wife adjusting to her husbands ways & visa verse. I have had to learn to be more submissive. He is the head of our home according to the Bible, and he takes his responsibility seriously. He does always ask for my input and respect my thoughts, but there have been a few times he has laid down the law. He is always loving and fair about it. However I think if i had chosen to really test him it could have been a big blow up. Another thing is a bit of jealousy which I have heard can be normal of African men, although I don't want to generalize. He does not like me having male friends. I understand that as I can be the same way so we got through that as well.
I was very scared the first time I traveled there to meet his family. He is the first son and I had read some about what can happen if your in-laws don't take to you. Thankfully everything went well and I love his family as they are my own.
Here are a few things that I believe have made our marriage successful on my part:
1. I expected cultural differences and always keep that in mind when we have an issue that is cultural. Tolerance and respect of his culture is so important.
2. I learned to embrace his culture. I have read a lot about his tribe and Nigeria. I am learning to cook his foods & trying (lol) to learn his language.
3. I am family oriented so I agree with and appreciate the way that his family is my family and mine his.
4. I let him be the man.
5. We are both open minded people.
6. Communication, we talk constantly and are able to discuss our problems calmly (usually, lol).
7. Commitment, marriage is forever. Good & bad, so we better make it good because forever can be very long time.
8. Love is the most important. If you truly love each other you will find it in yourself to work through the differences. I believe in the end it has only made us stronger.
Good luck!

No problem at all, I hoped it helped! I am learning that sometimes the medical care there is excellent, but other times people die very needlessly. I will pray for your sister!

Appendicitis is a condition characterized by inflammation of the appendix. It is classified as a medical emergency and many cases require removal of the inflamed appendix, either by laparotomy or laparoscopy. Untreated, mortality is high, mainly because of peritonitis and shock.[1] Reginald Fitz first described acute and chronic appendicitis in 1886,[2] and it has been recognized as one of the most common causes of severe acute abdominal pain worldwide. A correctly diagnosed non-acute form of appendicitis is known as "rumbling appendicitis". -From wikipedia

http://www.hmc.psu.edu/healthinfo/a/appendicitis.htm

This may help, let me know if it won't open for you and I will copy and paste. But please if this has been going on for awhile now it is a miracle that it has not already ruptured, she needs surgery immediately!

Your sister needs to have her appendix removed immediately. If it ruptures she will very possibly die. This is an emergency surgery. DO NOT WAIT, she needs to have it removed right now.

I remember doing a report about this in High School. I read that if an early term abortion failed or if the woman tried to have the child the delivering doctor will often cut the babies throat at delivery. There is no way that you can not call that murder. I also remember reading that there are so many children in the orphanages there especially girls. If a child has a behavioral problem or is disabled they have a special room that they will leave the child in and will often starve them to death. Sick sick backwards practices.

I just returned from 2 weeks in Owerri & PH and nothing happened to me. I walk along the streets (ok not on PH) and travel at night. I am blonde and white as can be and I have never had any trouble there except with the police wanting my money. However, I have no illusions and I know that it is not so safe there for me  & I will definitely not take my kids there at this time. Something to consider is that we also have travel advisory for much of the world right now even Europe. The government here is just highly cautious and thorough.
To those who are saying the US is so unsafe, come on know, are you high? Of course crime happens here and sometimes shocking things happen, but I don't ever lock my doors at night or rarely my car. My kids are safe to walk the road at night. I know that if I call 911 the police will be here in a matter of minutes, and they will actually help me. Can you say that?

There are many reasons why America is blessed. One of the things that pops to mind is that Americans LOVE our country. Most will never consider leaving it for another country.

We are also not content to set back and let our leaders take us down the black alley. When there is something going wrong here, we stand up and scream about it. Because our politicians are more heavily watched they are not as corrupt. The strongest leader can be gone in the blink of an eye if they are found to be corrupt (think Tom DeLay). Many if not most truly love our Country & look out for the peoples best interest. Those that don't are quickly replaced.

Taxes are another reason. We all HATE taxes, but they are a necessary evil. They allow the infrastructure we love so much, the free education, the quality healthcare.

My country was founded by men who sought God in all things. The wisdom given to them has led us well. The basic principles we were founded upon & our Constitution has served us very well. Because we stick to these rules and ideals we remain strong. We are truly a country that is for the people by the people.

Something that has to be considered when you feel compelled to compare Naija with US is that you are really only 11 years out of Military rule. When America was only 11 they were no where near as strong as they are today. Nigeria is my second home and I love her (almost as much as my own country). Everyday I pray for the country. That corruption will end, the people will stand up and make the leaders do right, that the values and traditions (some of them, lol) will continue to lead your people in the right direction. I think that in 200 years your country will be just as blessed because you are a passionate intelligent people.

To those hating on my country, if you travel you will know that what you say is silly. There is opportunity for everyone here. If you choose not to use it that is your own problem. Poverty is no excuse because our education is free and easily obtainable.

Someone once told me first time shame on you; second time shame on me. Depending upon the situation it is usually best to give him a second chance while evaluating why it happened. However, never give more then one chance. My EX husband cheated on me throughout our 8 year relationship. After I kicked him out he admitted it was much worse then I had ever known, he had slept with 8 different women. I am very blessed not to have caught anything from him such as HIV or STD. I stayed because I loved him and we have children, but I am so thankful to be free of him after all the years of stress and uncertainty. I am now remarried to a man who is faithful and loving.
One important thing you need to look at though is are you fulfilling your husbands needs? I believe that one of the keys to a happy marriage is to always give you husband the sex he asks for. There is no better way to keep him happy & fulfilled. Yes sometimes it is hard, your tired, you have a headache, you aren't feeling so sexy, but if you take care of him in that way then he should always remain faithful & cherish you.