Funny bit i didnt read it buhahahahahahahah

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Re: Drop Or Paste An Offline IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours>
« #23 on: May 22, 2006, 09:22 AM »

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Love is like the rain, at first, you go out into it willingly and dance, but once you are soaked down to the skin, you realize how cold it can truly be, and Suppose one morning you don't wake up. Do all your friends know you love them? I was thinking, a man could die today, tomorrow or next week, and wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said. Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do. And just in case God calls me home. I LOVE YA!!! Send this to anyone you love, and send it back to me if you truly love me

Christino:

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and the he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood. With a sad face the old man said to his son, "I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother." The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same. So he decides to go to his mother. "Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you." His mother smiling said to him," Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son anyway, but please don't tell your father."

who bi the oiginal omo ale?

Y'll should read this. It was sent by a friend.

>            What Religion is Your Bra?
> A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked
up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for
my wife. "
> " What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
> " Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
> " Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in
every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
>   "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only
four types of bras to choose from ."
> Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
> There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the
Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?
> Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between
them.
> The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple,
> The Catholic type supports the masses.
> The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
> The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
> The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

> Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the
letters used to define bra sizes?
> If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters
stood for, it is about time you became informed!
> (A} Almost Boobs,
> {B} Barely there.
> {C} Can't Complain!
> {D} Dang!
> {DD} Double dang!
> {E} Enormous!
> {F} Fake.
> {G} Get a Reduction.
> {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
> They forgot the German bra.
> Holtzemfromfloppen
> Send this to all that will appreciate it!

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.
During the Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses
to adultery, I'll quit!" Since everyone liked him, they said they would use a
code word: "fallen."
From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen"
This satisfied old priest and the parishioners, and everyone was fine
for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age
of 93.
Shortly after the new priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor.
The priest was quite concerned." You have to do something about the
sidewalks in this town, mayor. You can't believe how many people come
into the confessional talkingabout having fallen!" The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had
explained their code word to the priest.
But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the
mayor and said- " I don't know why you're laughing;your wife fell three
times last week!"

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in
a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of
coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and
empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then
asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The
professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between
the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed that it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured
it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked
once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous
"yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.

Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things:

God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your
favorite passions; and if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the "other things that matter" like your job, your house
and your car.

The sand is everything else; "the small stuff."

If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend
all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for
the things that are important to you. "Pay attention to the things that
are critical to your happiness. Take care of the golf balls first--the
things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room
for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a
very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!" And he replied:

"Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened" "Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And he began:

"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was
doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them, "

He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ,

'"Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

The Pope was dying so he asked that OBJ and Alamehsia be invited to his sick bed. When dey got there, they sat by his bed each on one side of the bed. They were so excited that OBJ couldnt help but ask "Pope, how comes u count us worthy to be by u while thou diest?". The Pope answered and said - "Just Like Jesus died with two thieves by his sides, I decided to have both of you by myside while I die".

jan/feb, God kept u & u caled him oluwakemi March/Apr he protected u n u called him oluwapamimo. May/Jun he overcame 4 u & u called him Oluwasegun.July/august he gloried u n u called him Oluwasogo. Sep/oct he lifted u up & u called him oluwagbemiga, Den Nov, u said he's OLUWATOBILOBA. Now u r in Dec go ahead & say OLUWASEUN!!.!!! i wish u d best in the year 2 come.

New Year Resolutions

Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.
Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy.
Learn what the hell "resolution" means.
Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
I will always "check for paper" when leaving the restroom.
I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying saucers, and plates, pots, mugs,

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son." - immagine offsping of a peacock? huh!! HAVE A NICE DAY!

This is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages, The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible) Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace. ( Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?! God Bless you all Amen !

My friend's father that just came to LAGOS to see his son was on his way to his son's house from mile 2 to alakija,
when he asked the conductor , how much the fair was to alakija, the conductor said 30 naira. when someone going to okokomiko asked for the fair the conductor still said 30 naira, my friends father was worried, he said okomiko is twice as far as alakija, why are you collecting the same fair , he asked the conductor, and the conductor answered " na so we dey collect am oga", You know what , my friends father said in his mind " in that case i will get to okomiko to exahasut my 30 naira". and what happened when he got to okoko, he trecked back to alakija since he didn't have extra money with him, What a greedy man.

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience

Seeing God, she asked, “is my time up”?

God said ‘”No you have another 43 Years, 2 months and 8 days to live”

Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God she demanded, I thought you said I had 40 years, why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

GOD replied……….



I did not recognize you!

The Bible says we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.

Intresting


keep it up.

A Pastor met a police man on the Road. A careful look at the engine no.against what was on paper revealed that letter U was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for V. That was all the police needed to shout "stolen vehicle,the pastor called the OC to say he was a priest to which the officer replied if you are a pastor read Matthew 5:25, 26,The Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read:"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.I tell you the truth you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.The man of God quietly made an "offering" of N100 to his newly found preacher.

There are something's we all didn't know, is it right??

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.
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2. the most common name in the world is Mohammed.
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3. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.
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4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
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5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
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6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
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7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
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8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
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9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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10. People say “Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
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11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
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12. The “sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
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13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
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14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
Spades - King David

Clubs - Alexander the Great,

Hearts - Charlemagne

Diamonds – Julius Caesar.
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15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
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17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. – They were all invented by women.
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18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. – Honey

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19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

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20. A snail can sleep for three years.
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21. All polar bears are left handed.
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22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
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23. Butterflies taste with their feet.
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24. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
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25 In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
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26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
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27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
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28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
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29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
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30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
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31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
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32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

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33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
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34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
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35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
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36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

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37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow

38. And finally I know that u will be forwarding this message to as many people you can, right,

dude i'm, sure the name Li/Chang/Lee/Lo would be more common from China

check out the community.the adult entertainment circuit either as a person ,castin agent or actor (wanna be or accomplished) @ www.createforum.com/staminadaddy
www.myspace.com/yearns5

we all need that extra choips on the side.it don't hurt to have dough a lil more extra on the side.
if u are interestd in makin a reasonable amount of money,i aint sayin millions now but that extra dough to get a tight arse for the night and and run minor things with your credit card if u have one or open a free online banking account
head on to:
http://www.moreinfo247.com/9480231/FREE
note, u don't make any payment,absolutely free

also check http://www.moreinfo247.com/9480231
for special discounts, exclusive offers, and money-saving deals on a wide variety of products and services from over 3,000 merchants in over 110 countries.
i assure u they are
peace y'all

crazy, you again.

Why Men Lie!

** One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,” Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

* * The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."

*** * The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No.

*** * The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. "Yes", he replied.

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angelina Jolie. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is so untrue!" The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Angelina Jolie, you would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don't want her t o share me with anyone, so THAT'S why I said yes to Angelina Jolie." The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason and for the benefit of others. , MOSTLY his wife! That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Hello, This year, all your enemies shall be harassed like Atiku, restless like Chris Ngige, Confused like Chris Uba, Disorganised like PDP, Resigned like Audu Ogbe, Sacked like Peter Obi, Disappointed like Peter Odili, Betrayed like Charles Taylor, Arrested like Sergeant Rogers, Detained like Al-Mustapha, Disgraced like Tafa Balogun, Die like Abacha, if they refuse to die, they will be sentenced to hanging like Pastor King and will finally be hanged like Saddam. Meanwhile, all your competitors shall step down for you like they did to Yaradua, You shall be announced like Duke and Tinapa, You will reclaim what the Devil had earlier stolen like Ladoja while Goodluck shall follow you throughout the days of your life like Johnathan in Jesus mighty name. AMEN.

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."

Because am an expensive guy with an expensive babe, i decided to buy my expensive babe an expensive phone. loaded with expensive credit. One day i decided to go in my expensive suit to visit my expensive babe in her expensive flat to take her to an expensive restaurant. On getting there, she was having her bath in the bathroom. suddenly her expensive phone rang, the caller I.D showed MAGA ONE, as an expensive guy, i laughed that this poor guys wont stop disturbing my babe. but as a guy, i reasoned "what might this girl save my name with, 'maybe Honey as she fondly calls me" i decided to dial her number. Guess what i saw MAGA 17.

Lovely

There was this guy, who was coming frm school one evening and was feeling hungry. immediately he enter there gate's entrance , he saw a chocolate bar at the front of there door,thinking it drop- off from his sister's bag. Rush to pick up the chocolate and start eating it. while eating it, he realise it was the waste of their dog .he latter drop it saying thank God i didnt step on it.

@ Emidon

OMG! I almost lost control of my spoon