Erastus Akingbola of Intercontinental Bank recently delivered a Lecture on Investment and identified 5 key issues on the topic. 1. An employee can never be rich. 2. Plan yourself out of employment. Have a 5 year plan. 3. Have a dream and a plan for achieving that dream. 4. Promotion is a way of entrapping the best employee 5. Job security is bondage, no one can promise you a job security. Share the above with a friend.

Online friends are people we may never meet, We see pictures, we see cams, It isn't the same, We grow close, We care and love one another, One day we may not hear from one another, Our hearts will break, All we see is a name on messenger but the person we don't see anymore, We pray, "Please come back", All I ask is you remember me in the good times we had, Keep me close to your heart, Friends forever,

wow lmao throughout. Il add 2 these soon. Thanks y'all.

[center]Though miles may lie between us, we're never far apart, for friendship doesn't count the miles, it's measured by the heart love is all.[b][/b] [list]
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Do you know the relation between two eyes? They blink together, they move together, they cry together, they see things together and they sleep together.BUT STILL THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER - that's friendship. I cherish u as my friend, I just thought of you and I am still smiling, Praise God for a -friend you are!

SAFETY TIPS HOW TO IDENTIFY FAKE POLICEMEN AT A GLANCE Here are some tips to guide us in our SECURITY CONSCIOUSNESS. This is the time we live in; we must live up to it. 1. Number tag of a real policeman must be six digits, less than six, is fake. 2. Only female police officers have their numbers begin with "0", any policeman with number beginning with "0" is fake. 3. Every policeman's nametag is woven to the shirt, no more removable nametags. 4. A distinction between the normal policeman and the SPY (supernumerary) police personnel, is that a SPY number must be either three or four digits with the word "SPY" boldly inscribed on their uniform shoulder. Send this to your loved ones. Please, at night, be vigilant; always roll-up

A woman said 2 d priest: "Father, I av 2 female parrots, n they only know how to say: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "That's terrible!" said d priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over, and I’ll put them with my 2 male parrots that I taught to pray & read d Bible. My parrots will teach them to praise and worship, instead of saying dirty things. The next day, the woman brought her female parrots. The two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?" A male parrot exclaimed 2d other: "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered.

thats so funny

Thanks for putting a good number of people in trouble. Go to Shell premises and that of any other company that make use of Supernumerary police and look out for SPY inscribed on the shoulder of the uniform. You will not see it because such NONSENSE do not exist.

Christino:

SAFETY TIPS HOW TO IDENTIFY FAKE POLICEMEN AT A GLANCE Here are some tips to guide us in our SECURITY CONSCIOUSNESS. This is the time we live in; we must live up to it. 1. Number tag of a real policeman must be six digits, less than six, is fake. 2. Only female police officers have their numbers begin with "0", any policeman with number beginning with "0" is fake. 3. Every policeman's nametag is woven to the shirt, no more removable nametags. 4. A distinction between the normal policeman and the SPY (supernumerary) police personnel, is that a SPY number must be either three or four digits with the word "SPY" boldly inscribed on their uniform shoulder. Send this to your loved ones. Please, at night, be vigilant; always roll-up

@ baabo,

It's an offline I received

When I take a long time, - I am slow ,When my boss takes a long time - he is thorough, When I don't do it, - I am lazy, When my boss doesn't do it - he is too busy, When I do something without being told, - I am over-stepping my boundaries, When my boss does the same thing - that is initiative, When I take a stand, - I am stubborn, When my boss does it - he is being firm, When I overlook a rule of etiquette, - I am rude, When my boss slips a few rules - he is being original When I please my boss, - I am apple polishing , When my boss pleases his boss - he is co-operating, When I get ahead, - I am lucky, When my boss gets ahead - that's hard work. What a life!!!

Christino:

A woman said to the priest: "Father, I av 2 female parrots, n they only know how to say: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "That's terrible!" said d priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over, and I’ll put them with my 2 male parrots that I taught to pray & read d Bible. My parrots will teach them to praise and worship, instead of saying dirty things. The next day, the woman brought her female parrots. The two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?" A male parrot exclaimed 2d other: "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered.

this is so damn funny!

Dear friend, in whatever you do, keep faith, have hope. have you heard that man can do without food for 40 days, without water for 4 days, without air for 4 minutes, but without hope for 4 secs. i.e if any man does not have hope for 4 Secs or more he/she is bound to commit suicide. so have hope today and don't forget to give it to someone cos you may never know if God is using you to save a life. God bless you!

A Wiccan, a Christian, and an atheist are walking casually down a street, talking amongst themselves in a friendly manner when they spot a tornado headed straight for them.

The Wiccan outstretches her arms to the sky and says frantically, "O Lord and Lady!"

The Christian falls hard to his knees, "O Jesus help me, Jesus be with me!"

The atheist turns and grabs ahold of the nearest tree, and says, "Oh nooooooo!"

So Moses is up on Mount Sinai and he says to God, "God, do I have a pounding headache!"

And God says, "Here, take these two tablets."

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?" "I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter? "When d waiter came by, Al said, "Are there any Chinese Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," d waiter replied & he went into d kitchen. He quickly returned and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir." d waiter replied & went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere." When d waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews." "Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"
























(JUICE! )

Husband comes home, Finds his wife with his friend on bed. He shoots his friend to death.
Wife said, " IF u behaves like this, U will loose all Ur friends one day,

The beauty of the day lies on the decision you take, your willingness to forgive those who offend you, your desire to tolerate one another, give peace a chance, and your ability to hold back your anger even when it is imperative to burst out. My Dear, those that seek peace, will find peace, those that seek wealth will find it, but those that seek Love will find everything, choose right. Throw it back to someone who means something to you! A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end. It keeps us together like our circle of friends. But the treasure inside for you to see is the treasure of friendship You've granted to me.

nice one

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father. "There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go." In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold urs,

THANK YOU ALL!

To all colleagues, family & friends -

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making
me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes - because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer eat Ketchup in restaurants because it may just be HIV infected blood. I no longer worry about my soul because, at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.
Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour!
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in- law's second husband's cousin's aunty.

Regards,
Christino Penthome.

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. I have some Nigerians up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they've got Maggi sauce and Ogbono soup all over their robes; hamhocks, Isi-ewu, Cow-feet and Bokoto bones are all over the streets of Gold. Some folk are walking around with one wing, they have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are soda bottles all over the clouds, some aren't even wearing their halos, saying it doesn't fit with their hairstyles." The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil." The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? What the.! , !, hold on one minute." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?" The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there." The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold. After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?" The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?" The Devil said, "Man, I don't belieee, hold on, Lord". This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Nigerians put the fire out, and now they are trying to install air conditioning! They even bribed my guys!!"

A weathy ibo man who was the richiest in his community, was sick and on a point of death he call his kingsmen and told them that he was not going to survive and that when he died they shoud keep some money in his coffin to start busness in heaven cos he did not know if there is anybody to borrow him mohey over there. after his death they all agreed on a fifty million cash to be bearied along with him, and a young man who just started his busness came forward and told them that the cash is too much for the coffin else he will be sufourcated on his way to haeven they all agreed and assept a check of it equevalentto be cashed in heaven. cornyman die cornyman berryam.

> A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of their dead
> mother arrived from the USA, sent by their sister. The tiny corpse
> was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother's face
> was practically touching the glass cover.

> When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister
> pinned to their mother's chest, which read:-

> Dearest brothers and sisters, I am sending you our mother's remains
> for burial in Lagos.

> Sorry I couldn't come along as the expenses were so high.

> You will find inside the coffin, under Mama's body, 12 cans of
> Libby's corned beef and12 cans of Luncheon Meat. Just divide it
> amongst yourselves.

> On Mama's feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size for Junior.
>
> There are four pairs of Reeboks under Mama's head for Tunde's sons.
>
> Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts - one is for OMO, Roy and
> the rest are for my nephews.

> Mama is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bras (your favorite), just
> divide them among yourselves.

> The 2 dozen Victoria's Secret panties that Mama is wearing should
> be distributed among my nieces and cousins.
> Mama is also wearing eight Dockers pants - Ikeje, please get one
> for yourself and the rest are for the boys.
>
> The Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left wrist, please get
> it.

>
> Aunty Ronke, Mama is wearing what you asked for - earrings, rings
> and a necklace, please take them Also, the six pairs of Chanel
> stockings that Mama is wearing must be divided among the teen-age
> girls there. I hope they like the colours.

> P.S. Please take care of finding a nice dress for Mama for her
> burial. (YOU MAY GO TO ORILE OR YABA FOR A CHEAP OKRIKA, )

> In case you need anything that I may have forgotten, please let me
> know as UNCLE IS NOT FEELING TOO WELL.

> Your loving sister,
> Nene

A woman has nine children with her first husband over the course of as many years. When he died, the woman was distraught but quickly remarries. She bore seven more children, only to have her second husband kick the bucket on her as well. She married for the third time and had six more children before finally passing away herself.
At the woman’s funeral, the priest prayed for her soul. “Dear God,” the preacher says, “please protect the soul of this woman, who fulfilled your commandment to go forth and multiply. And we thank you, Lord that they are finally together.”
Leaning over to his neigbour, one of the mourners whispers, “Do you think the priest’s referring to her first or second husband?” the other mourner replies, “I think he means her legs”

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive''s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, ", and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After some drinks, they agree 2 go back 2 his place. As they're making out in D bedroom, he stands up & starts 2 UnCloth. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms & says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool. He drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, & says, referring 2 his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching 4r action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, & after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able 2 leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry 2 go?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite & such a short fuse, I was afraid u were about 2 blow

It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in. And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!" And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"

A woman walks into the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. "What denomination?" asks the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic and one Methodist."

A boy was so jealous of his new born brother that he put poison on his mother's nipple while she was asleep. Now comes the sad part the next day their driver died! hahahah!!

Every wrong attempt is another step forward. People that make no mistakes usually don't make anything. Make up your mind not merely to overcome a thousand obstacles,but to win in spite of a thousand defeats. Your mistakes are stepping stones to success and your installment payments to victory. You can't be a winner and be afraid to lose.