OBJ, Kalu, Agbani & okonjo are sitting in a train going through a dark tunnel. Suddenly, there is a kissing sound and then a slap. The train comes into daylight. OBJ is holding his face while others looked perplexed. Okonjo is thinking:"men are all crazy, these ones are lusting after Agbani. OBJ must have tried to kiss her and she slapped him". Agbani is thinking: "OBJ must have moved to kiss me, and got slapped, but by whom?" OBJ is thinking: "Orji must have tried to kiss Agbani, she thought it was me and slapped me. Kalu is thinking: "If this train goes through another dark tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap OBJ again".

@chris pls i want you to be ma lawyer on the sport page on the am joinin man utd today thread.pls i face lots of charges pls help me out
i'll xplain after u've agreed

Blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's going on?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing 9-1-1, his 4-year old son comes up and says; "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your clothes closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. "You IDIOT!!!" screams the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked and scaring the kids!

If God can make a BUSH-man President of the United States of America, a TAILOR the President of Liberia, a GATE-man the Richest man in the world, Then how Much more he will do for u, as the APPLE of HIS Eyez, Think about it.

>>Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone
>>on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function
>>and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
>>MAN: "Hello"
>>WOMAN: "Darling, it's me, are you at the club?"
>>MAN: "Yes"
>>WOMAN: "I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather
>>coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
>>MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
>>WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealer and saw the new 2005
>>models. I saw one I really liked."
>>MAN: "How much?"
>>WOMAN: "£90,000"
>>MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
>>WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing, The ! house I wanted last
>>year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"
>>MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £900,000. They
>>will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.
>>It's really a pretty good price."
>>WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
>>MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the
>>locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape,
>>
>>
>>He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

BY FORCE TO MARRY? During a wedding reception; the groom was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this is what he came up with: I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car. I am most grateful to my boss for approving the loan I used for the wedding. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf. Also to my brothers wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, and a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? ha ha ha hehe, Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Oops, Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why is it called building when it is already built? If a book about failures sells, is it a success? If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?

wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phones? What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets? What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it? What if we flipped through it several times a day? What if we used it to receive messages? What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it? What if we gave it to kids as gifts? What if we used it as we traveled? What if we used it in case of an emergency? What if we upgraded it to get the latest version? This is something to make you go, hmmm, where is my Bible? Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cellphones, we don't ever have to worry about our bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill!!! Pls,dial it at all times,send text,screen & picture

Adam's Rib

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

Christino, I like your posts. keep it up! I only wish there's a way I can place some powerpoint slides here, 'cos I have some lovely ones!

I wish we could do one on powerpoint slides, too I have about 4 or 5 and wmvs also. Well let's see.

There was an American, Chinese, and African and they had to ride a camel up and back down a hill without it farting. The African only made it half way up and the camel farted. The American made it up all of the way and half way back down and the camel farted. The Chinese made it all of the way up and back down without the camel farting. The American and African were like how did u do that and the Chinese said,
"Me Chinese
Me not dumb
Me stick cork
Up camels bum!"

Girls Cry Because,


They're Mad

They're Sad

They're Scared

They're Nervous

They're Frustrated

They're Missing someone

They're Alone

They're PMSing

They're Pregnant

Their Heart Is broken

They're in love

Their souls have been torn

They met a boy they cant have

They fell in love with a boy

They hurt so bad inside

BOYS!!!: If any girl you know is crying and you see them, dont just stand there and say your sorry hold them and tell them everything will be ok, even if you have no idea what is wrong with them. Girls just want to be held and know that someone cares about them

Repost this in:

1 minute: You'll will find your true love next week!!!

2 minutes: You'll find them in two weeks!!!

3 mintutes: You'll find them in three weeks!!!

4 minutes: You'll find your true love when your 90 years old

5 minutes: You took too damn long and someone else got them!!
and re-post as "WHY GURLS CRY!"

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly."How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

Welcome to the 21st century: our communication:wireless,our dress:topless,our phone:cordless,our cooking:fireless,our youths:jobless,our food:fatless,our labour:effortless,our relationships:loveless,our feelings:heartless,our politics:shameless,our education:valueless,our follies:countless,our arguments:baseless,our boss:brainless,our job:thankless,our salary:useless. our er, er,er, what have I left out?, WELCOME TO NIGERIA OUR FATHERLAND

This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind, let it be something good.

Meditate.
Live purely. Be quiet.
Do your work with mastery.
Like the moon, come out
from behind the clouds!
Shine.

"The person who studiously avoids work usually works far longer and far harder than the man who pleasantly confronts it and does it. Men who cannot work are not happy men."

well agreed that most big boys did not perfomed well at the mundial but watch out for chelsea boys we are on course to win all that is on offer in world club fooyball this coming season. Blue is the colour

Blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's going on?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing 9-1-1, his 4-year old son comes up and says; "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your clothes closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. "You IDIOT!!!" screams the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked and scaring the kids

There was a burglar who broke into a home and started to gather the items he wanted to take. All of a sudden he heard, "Jesus is watching you!" He didn't see anything in the dark house, so he went on with what he was doing. He heard, "Jesus is watching you!" again and then he really wondered who wassaying that. He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot. "Did you say that?" asked the burgler. "Yes," replied the parrot. "By the way, what's your name?" the burgler inquired."Moses," answered the parrot. "That's a strange name for a parrot. Who named you that?" "The same people who named their rotweiller Jesus!"

A southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down. The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, Shall We Gather at the River."

Father:"I want you to marry a girl of my choice". Son : "I will choose my own bride!" Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter." Son : "Well, in that case, ok" Next Father approaches Bill Gates. Father: "I have a husband for your daughter." Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank." Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case, ok" Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank. Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president." President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!" Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law." President: "Ah, in that case, ok" This is how business is done!!

FORWARD THEM ANYWAY!

worriedone:

Christino, I like your posts. keep it up! I only wish there's a way I can place some powerpoint slides here, 'because I have some lovely ones!

Christino:

I wish we could do one on powerpoint slides, too I have about 4 or 5 and wmvs also. Well let's see.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. Why are you eating grass? he asked the man. I don't have any money for food, the poor man replied. Oh, please come to my house!
But sir, I have a wife and four children, Bring them along!" the rich man said. They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!

There was once this man in heaven, he asked God what a million dollars meant to him. God replied, "A penny."
Then, the man asked what a million years meant to God. God replied, "A second." Finally the man asked, "Can I have one of your pennies?" And god replied, "Just a second."

[flash=200,200][/flash]

After sending lots of letters home 2 get money @ school, Uche decided to threatening his Dad by writing thus: Dad, the condition @ school is very crucial and if u don't send money b4 weekend, death is inevitable. Daddy replied: The condition at home is more critical d4, death is APPROVED!!

PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONGST ALL YOUR CONTACTS: THIS IS SERIOUS!! Be alert during the next few days: Don't open any message with an attached file called "Invitation", regardless of who sent it. It's a virus that opens an Olympic Torch that "burns" the whole hard disk of your computer. This virus will come from someone who has your e-mail address; that's why you should send this e-mail to all your contacts. It's better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus, DON'T open it and shut down your computer immediately. This is the worst virus announced by CNN, it's been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever.