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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> (34996 Views)
Poll: What Kind of offlines do you mostly receive?Religious: 18% (113 votes)Sexy: 19% (116 votes) Jokes: 36% (221 votes) Rumours/info: 7% (44 votes) Vacancies: 7% (44 votes) Society: 0% (6 votes) Links: 3% (21 votes) Other: 6% (41 votes) This poll has ended |
Photo: Yahoo Boys; When The Baba That Blessed Your Laptop Is Sure! / Classic Funny Joke. I Swear Dis Is Not Copy And Paste! Check It Out. :d / Random Jokes. . . Copy And Paste Masters Feel Free To Share (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by bluenubian(f): 5:51pm On May 23, 2006 |
i know u guys already heard this one cause i know i have, i got it today, it made me smile again Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.The only reason someone would hate you is because they want to be just like you.There are at least 2 people in this world that would die for you.You mean the world to someone.Someone that you dont even know exists loves you.When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.When you think the world has turned its back on you , take a look again. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget the rude remarks. So if you are a loving friend, send this to everyone on your list including me |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by PLAYBOY3(m): 6:03pm On May 23, 2006 |
This is actually not an offline message but was directly sent to ma box.So bear with me. . . LONG THOUGHT BUT U GONNA LOVE IT. . . .TOO FUNNY The eight players in this Nigerian version of The Weakest Link are the following in the order of position on the platform: Olusegun Obasanjo, Ibrahim Babangida, Alhaji Abubakar Rimi, Alhaji Abubakar Atiku, Dr. Alex Ekwueme, Dr. Peter Odili, Senator Bola Ahmed Tinubu and Alhaji Ghali Umar Na'abba. All of these men have thrown their hats into the ring for the 2003 presidential elections and the winner of this game of The Weakest Link, would win the presidency. Now, Let Play The Weakest Link: MOMOH: In what year did French Emperor Napoleon die? OBASANJO: 1864. MOMOH: Wrong, 1821. Next question to IBB. MOMOH: Who annulled the 1993 presidential elections in Nigeria? IBB: You are looking at him. MOMOH: Right. [Three states won]. Next question to Rimi. MOMOH: This governor was impeached in the last democratic experiment. RIMI: Alhaji Balarabe Musa of Kaduna. MOMOH: Right. [Seven states won]. Next question to Atiku. MOMOH: Who killed NewsWatch editor Dele Giwa? ATIKU: Hmmmm, Sadam Hussein. MOMOH: Wrong, Babangida. ATIKU: Damn, I knew it was that idiot who killed him. Next question to Dr. Ekwueme. MOMOH: Which Nigerian politician in the second republic stole more than $2 billion in a rice deal? DR. EKWUEME: Alhaji Umaru Dikko, then Transport Minister. MOMOH: Right. {Ten states won]. Next question to Odili. MOMOH: What was the name of the executed leader of the armed robbery gang which terrorized Benin City and its environs in 1986? GOV. ODILI: Lawrence Anini. MOMOH: Right. {Fourteen states won]. Next question to Senator Bola Ahmed Tinubu. MOMOH: This politician once claimed that he attended the University of Chicago. SENATOR TINUBU: Former House Speaker Salisu Ibrahim Buhari? MOMOH: Wrong. It was Senator Bola Ahmed Tinubu of Lagos state. In others words, you. SENATOR TINUBU: Momoh, watch your mouth, I know where you live. MOMOH: Governor, is that a threat? SENATOR TINUBU: No. Would I threaten anyone? Next question to Speaker Na'abba. MOMOH: Who did you replace as speaker? NA'ABBA: Hmmmmm, Evans Enwerem. MOMOH: Wrong, Salisu Buhari. How could you not know this information, Mr. Speaker? Did you not get handover notes from him at the very least? Its now the end of the first round and the following three players have been voted off: Atiku, Odili and Na'abba for being the weakest link. Even though Odili was good and answered his question correctly, other members thought he was too intelligent for their liking and so they had to vote him off along with the other two. Only in Nigeria would they think in this fashion. ROUND TWO: First question in this round goes to Obasanjo. MOMOH: How many Heads of State or prime ministers in the history of Nigeria have been assassinated? OBASANJO: Three. MOMOH: Right, three in the persons of Sir Tafawa Belewa, Generals Ironsi and Muhammed. [Nineteen states won]. Next question to IBB: MOMOH: This former head of state has a 50-bedroom mansion in his home state. IBB: Its Obasanjo, he has it in his Otta farm. Have you seen that farm? He calls it a farm but I have not seen any chickens there, no cows, not even scared one, no goats, its all a camouflage for his mansion which is tucked right in behind the tall grasses. OBASANJO: Ibrahim, shut-up before I talk about your Swiss accounts and all the money you have stolen--shut up now, Ibrahim. Remember, I was your senior in the army. MOMOH: IBB, you are wrong---that former head of state is you. Next question to Rimi. MOMOH: Which state has this for a motto: "Born to Rule". RIMI: Sokoto. MOMOH: Right [Twenty-five states won] Tinubu to Rimi: I bet they can change that motto now to say, "Born to Watch Others Rule," Ha! Ha!! Ha!!! Rimi to Tinubu: Tinubu, I will deal with you, O. Don't play with us, northerners O. We are just on vacation now, we shall be back soon. Tinubu to Rimi: Yeah right!!! Next question to Dr. Ekwueme. MOMOH: Who was the first American president to visit Nigeria and in what year did he visit? Dr. Ekwueme: Jimmy Carter in 1978. MOMOH: Right [Thirty-one states won]. Next question to Tinubu: MOMOH: Which is the tallest mountain on earth? TINUBU: Mt. Kilimanjaro. MOMOH: Wrong, Mt. Everest in Nepal. Rimi addressing Tinubu: They didn't teach you that at the University of Chicago? Simple geography, what a pity, Tinubu. Tinubu to Rimi: Shut-up your goro mouth, Rimi. At least, I can dream of going to University of Chicago. Did you pass elementary school? Rimi to Tinubu: You dey insult me? I go wound you O, Tinubu. I go wound you proper, o. Tinubu to Rimi: I go bloody your nose, O, Rimi. If I see your legs for Lagos, I go send my OPC boys to cut them. Yeye Hausaman wey want come insult me, a whole govano like me. Rimi to Tinubu: Tinubu, if I see your amala-eating ass in kano, I will send the street beggars to mob you. You foolish Yoruba man, you think you are better than us northerners? University of Chicago my behind, Tafur Kwo!!! Tinubu to Rimi: You mean your fat behind? Rimi to Tinubu: Step outside now, Tinubu. If you be man, make you step outside and I go teach you a lesson. Tinubu to Dr. Ekwueme: Ekwueme, hold me O before I wound this goro-man called Rimi. Hold me, Ekwueme. Ekwueme [Tinubu now turns to Ekwueme], hold me now, which one you dey. Make you hold me now before I explode. Ekwueme to Tinubu: Tinubu, make you explode make we see, I no go hold you. Seeing that Ekwueme has refused to hold him, Tinubu now retreats and promises Rimi hell the next time he insults him. Rimi to Tinubu: Yeye Lagos man, no soso shakara. You sabi bark but you no fit bite. MOMOH: Gents, gents!! The door is there if you two want to fight, hit the parking lot. They both apologized to Momoh and indicated their readiness to continue. END OF THE SECOND ROUND: At the end of this round, Dr. Ekwueme, Gov. Tinubu and Alhaji Rimi were voted out as the weakest links.Again, as in the first round, their ouster has nothing to do with their performance but with their behavior on stage. Indeed, Tinubu and Rimi still feeling the effects of their verbal entanglement made a mistake and voted themselves as the weakest link when they meant to vote others out. Too bad. The stage is now set for Obasanjo and IBB to slug it out for the presidency. As you can see, there are five states waiting to be won and any of the two men who answers all five questions wins the presidency. In the event of a tie, the presidency will be decided by sudden death. THE FINAL ROUND: MOMOH: Obasanjo, who killed Mamman Vasta, the poet and best friend of then president Ibrahim Babangida in 1986? OBASANJO: Babangida did. MOMOH: Correct. One state for Obasanjo. MOMOH: IBB, who devalued the naira in 1986? IBB: I did. MOMOH: Right. One state for IBB. MOMOH: Obasanjo, which Nigerian president said these words to a questioner in Atlanta, USA. "Go to hell."? OBASANJO: I did. MOMOH: Right. Two states for Obasanjo. MOMOH: IBB, under whose leadership did Nigeria secretly join the Organization of Islamic Countries in 1986? IBB: Mine, mine, mine. MOMOH: Right. Two states for IBB. MOMOH: Obasanjo, what is the meaning of OFN? OBASANJO: Operation Feed the Nation. That is why I have my Otta farm---I'm feeding the nation. IBB to Obasanjo: Which nation? The Otta nation? Obasanjo to IBB: Look, IBB, you are becoming bold O. I will deal with you O! Don't forget, there are no sacred cows here. IBB to Obasanjo: What a joke. I have been a sacred cow from day one. I will deal with you first. Have you seen the leadership of the National Assembly lately? They are all my boys. David Mark, Tunde Ogbeha, Ike Nwachukwu. Should I name more? MOMOH: Obasanjo is right. Three states for him. MOMOH: IBB, which Nigerian head of state asked Nigerians to debate an IMF loan for $1 billion and when Nigerians said no, he went ahead anyway and took the loan? IBB: Me! Me!! Me!!! Obasanjo to IBB: Is that how you stole Nigeria's money and is that how you got all those illicit wealth? IBB to Obasanjo: Can you blame me if you were so dumb not to steal when you were in power the first time? Obasanjo to IBB: Ole, ole, ole, IBB. IBB to Obasanjo: You too ole. Whatever that means. MOMOH: Gents! gents!! gents!!!. Do you want to continue or not? They both apologized and indicated that they are ready to proceed. MOMOH: IBB is right. Three states for him. The fourth question is for Obasanjo. MOMOH: Obasanjo, which president gave all middle ranking officers in the Nigerian military a brand new 504 Peugeot in what was called the ", spirit."? Obasanjo: Is that idiot there called IBB, the IBB spirit. See him ugly face. Wetin happen to your middle teeth, IBB. Abe they knock kam commot for fight? IBB to Obasanjo: Look, you pot-bellied so-called former general, you still dey look for my trouble o. Momoh, you dey see that? This Obayeye man dey find my trouble o. MOMOH: Right, It was IBB. Four states for Obasanjo. Next question to IBB. This question is IBB's fourth. MOMOH: IBB, which head of state dismissed his second-in-command because he refused to be a 'yes man'? IBB: That would be me. I sacked that Igbo man, what his name now, Ubuti Ukiwe or something. Obasanjo to IBB: You coward, you could not stand an Igbo man so you had to sack him. God bless that man. IBB to Obasanjo: Look, Obayeye, MOMOH: Correct. Four states to IBB. The fifth and final question to both men. Remember, the winner takes the presidency. MOMOH: Obasanjo, what happened to the billions of dollars in oil revenues during the gulf war. OBASANJO: That thief standing by me stole it all and used some of it to build his Minna mansion and buy private jets. MOMOH: Right, very correct, Obasanjo. Five states for you. Next question to IBB. If he gets it right, he would tie with Obasanjo and that means they would go into a sudden death situation. If he doesn't, Obasanjo wins the presidency as he would have won all thirty-six states. MOMOH: IBB, what does ITT mean? As IBB was thinking about the answer, Obasanjo whispers to him, "International Thief Thief" and IBB responds to the question- IBB: International Thief Thief. MOMOH: Although I'm tempted to say you are right as that would be you and many of your friends, I must say you are wrong and therefore Obasanjo wins the presidency. IBB, I'm sorry to say that you are the weakest link in the Nigerian nation, you weakened the economy, the will of the Nigerian people, you weakened their finances, their purchasing power, their dignity and their might. So its on those grounds I must say, you take away nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, as you are the weakest link. |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by 2cantango(f): 6:17pm On May 23, 2006 |
Stars don’t struggle to shine, rivers don’t struggle to flow, also you will never struggle to excel in life, because you deserve the best. Hold on to your dream and it shall be well with you, Amen The eyes beholding this message shall not behold evil, the hand that will send this message to others shall not labor in vain, the mouth saying amen to this prayer shall laugh forever, remain in God's love. |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 7:37am On May 24, 2006 |
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is At site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile. (Women!!) She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people 4rm neighborhood rushed around to know de cause of this. de man asked junior to tell everybody wat the lady said to him when he called, junior said "the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment Pls Try Again Later. |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 10:51am On May 24, 2006 |
A MAN"S YOUNGEST SON ASKED HIS FATHER: "Daddy wat is d difference btw "potential"and"reality"? Dad:I wil show u.Dad turned to his wife and ask her:"Wld u sleep wit Tom Cruise for 1 Million Dollars? Wife answers: "Yes of Course! I would never waste such an opportunity to be a millionaire" The Dad asked his daughter if she wld sleep wit Will Smith for 2 million dollars? Daughter:"Wow! Yes Yes! I will dat's my fantasy" So Dad turned to his elder son and asks himon,wil u sleep wit Denzel Washington for 1 Million dollars? Elder Son replied:"Yeah! Why not? Imagine wat I cld do wit 1 Million dollars, I wld never hesitate!"So d Father turns to his younger son and said:"u see son, "OTENTIALLY"we r sittin on 4 Million But in"REALITY" we are livin wit 2 prostitutes n 1 gay |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 10:56am On May 24, 2006 |
At an Easter mass, at which some young ladies were to take their final vows to become nuns, the presiding bishop noticed two rabbis enter the church just before the mass began.They were seated at the back of the sanctuary and insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The bishop wondered why they had come but didn't have time to inquire before the mass began.When it came time for some announcements, his curiosity got the best of him. He announced that he was delighted to see two rabbis in their midst at the mass but was curious as to why they were present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "Brides of Christ."The eldest of the rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom." |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 10:57am On May 24, 2006 |
A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!" [10:46] unyibless: A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is At site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile. (Women!!) She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people 4rm neighborhood rushed around to know de cause of this. de man asked junior to tell everybody wat the lady said to him when he called, junior said "the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment Pls Try Again Later |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 10:59am On May 24, 2006 |
The most selfish 1 letter word "I" Avoid it. The most satisfying 2-letter word "WE" Use it. The most poisonous 3-letter word "EGO" Kill it. The most used 4-letter word "LOVE" Value it. The most pleasing 5-letter word "SMILE" Keep it. The fastest spreading 6-letter word "RUMOUR" Ignore it. The hardest working 7-letter word "SUCCESS" Achieve it. The most enviable 8-letter word "JEALOUSY" Distance it. The most powerful 9-letter word "KNOWLEDGE" Acquire it. The most essential 10-letter word "CONFIDENCE" Trust it .send it to me and all ur friends |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 12:07pm On May 24, 2006 |
A little boy opened the large old family Bible, and he looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one. He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long ago."Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out. "What do you have there?" his mother asked. With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!" |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 12:11pm On May 24, 2006 |
What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 6:56am On May 25, 2006 |
Can't believe i'm yet to get an offline 2day |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by PLAYBOY3(m): 9:03am On May 25, 2006 |
Congrtulations !,U R D Highest poster on this Thread. Nice try,Man .Keep it up ! |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Rhodalyn(f): 9:10am On May 25, 2006 |
nope! ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Rhodalyn(f): 9:12am On May 25, 2006 |
bluenubian:blue, just say that again! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() it's cuz they want to be just like U, jealousy! |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by spikelord(m): 10:41am On May 25, 2006 |
Really ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Nobody: 11:48am On May 25, 2006 |
[color=#000099][/color] a woman was running a restaurant whic her husband opened for her she had no girl helping her out, therefore she was very very busy. one day a chinese man went there to eat, she served him but unfortunatel forgot to give him fork and knife her husband came in immediately to eat and she gave him food sharp sharp the chinese guy becos he couldnt speak english very well tried catcjing her attention by waving his hand when he saw she wasnt responding, he annoyingly stood up, and putting the little english he knew together, he said. ' hey i've been fingering and fingering you, all i want is a fork. the other man asked for a Bleep and you gave him, why me?" i guess you should know what her husband did. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by africanboy(m): 2:34pm On May 25, 2006 |
3 Nigerian pastors were asked how they give their money to God - Yoruba pastor: I draw a circle and stand in it, i throws the money up, anyone that lands inside is for me, outside is for God - Hausa pastor: I draw a line, stand on it and throw the money up, anyone that lands in front is for me and behind is for God - Ibo pastor: I dont waste money buying chalk, I stand anywhere and throw the money up, anyone that God catches is for Him anyone that lands is for me. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- you think Nigerian Naira has no value? try and carry 1,000 Naira in 1 Naira coins. |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Rhodalyn(f): 2:38pm On May 25, 2006 |
spikelord:yes really! duhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! what else could it be ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 4:09pm On May 25, 2006 |
PENDING MARRIAGE My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less.One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozening shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said,we are very happy that you have passed our little test, we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car, |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Rhodalyn(f): 4:21pm On May 25, 2006 |
lol, nice one ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 7:41am On May 26, 2006 |
An Igbo man went to holy land,visited d sea of Galilee. When asked to take a boat,he asked how much? $500 said the boatman. 'Chineke', screamed the igbo man 'no wonder Jesus walked on water!' |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by bluenubian(f): 12:58pm On May 26, 2006 |
There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from colleagues, boss or anyone else via any means, DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you come into contact with WORK put on your jacket and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 4:15pm On May 26, 2006 |
Parents were invited to the announcement of result in the school. Junior's father was also present hoping his son would pass. Soon the result were announced, the first position goes to, since it wasn't junior, his father slapped him saying "NA UR MATE BE DAT", the second position was still not junior, he received a slap hearing NA UR MATE BE DAT on and on. Same thing happened until his name was called for the last position, Finally it was time to go home other parents brought Lexus, Kia, Pajero, Benz etc. Papa junior was about to enter ''molue'' immediately junior pulled his father's shirt back, giving him a hot slap saying NA UR MATE BE DAT . |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 4:18pm On May 26, 2006 |
A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS?" Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!" |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Christino(m): 4:19pm On May 26, 2006 |
I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm. A girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then. When she realized what she said her face became red with embarrasment. Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the back of your throat. The girl started crying and left class , |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by Badman888(m): 4:40pm On May 26, 2006 |
in 1976, obasanjo visited our school and said we were the leaders of tomorrow. 30 years later he is still our leader. He used up our parents quota, he is using our quota and now he wants to use our children's quota. say no to 3rd term. |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by hotangel2(f): 3:33am On May 27, 2006 |
Christino: OMFG!!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by imoh81(m): 6:38am On May 27, 2006 |
> The New Company Policy > DRESS CODE: >[/b]It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your Salary. If > we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we > assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a > raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money > better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a > raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and > therefore you do not need a raise. > SICK DAYS: > We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you > are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. >[b] SURGERY: > Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need > all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you > intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. > PERSONAL DAYS: > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called > Saturday & Sunday. > VACATION DAYS: > All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The > vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, & Dec. 25 > BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead > friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have > non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee > involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late > afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour > and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is > done enough. > ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH: > This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks > notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement. > RESTROOM USE: > Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we > will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all > employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees > whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're > unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the > next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may > swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors must approve > this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time > limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture > will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on > the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. LUNCH BREAK: > Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that > they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get > a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes > for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and > take a diet pill. > > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a > positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, > concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, > insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and > input should > be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week. > > The Management > > > |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by imoh81(m): 6:43am On May 27, 2006 |
HOSPITAL WAITING ROOOM There were three men waiting outside the hospital delivery room. After awhile, a nurse came into the waiting room and said, "Congratulation, mr brown, you’re the father of twins!" "Well, what a coincidence," said Mr Brown. I work for the Minneneotea Twins Football team! Soon the nurse came into the waiting room again and said "Congratulation, Mr Green! You’re the father of triplet!" "Well what coincidence," said Mr Green. "I work for the 3-m Corporation!" The third man in the waiting room got up from his seat and started to leave. The nurse saw him and said, "Wait, sir, you can’t go get. Your wife hasn’t delivered! Why are you leaving now?" the man turned around and said, "I’m going to find a second job because I work for the 7-up Company!" |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by nike4luv(f): 11:12am On May 27, 2006 |
men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying 2 go back between the legs of a woman. why?becoz there's no place like home |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by nike4luv(f): 11:13am On May 27, 2006 |
In chemistry he turned water to wine, in biology he was born without the normal conception, in physics he disapproved the law of gravity when he ascended into heaven, in economics he disapproved the law of diminishing return by feeding 5000 men with two fishes & 5 loaves of bread, in history he is the beginning & the end, in Government he said that he shall be called wonderful counsellor, prince of peace, in religion he said no one comes to the father except through him so who is he .(JESUS). Join me and lets celebrate him he is worthy, pass it on. |
Re: Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours> by nike4luv(f): 11:13am On May 27, 2006 |
Do you remember Do you remember how the stars shine at night Do you remember how the moon glows. Do you remember my love for you is like a song In this life and forever it will always go on. Do you remember my smile and the color of my hair Do you remember the blue of my eyes, Do you remember how we danced in those stars I can do anything where you are. Do you remember how you hold me tight and how we kiss goodnight. Do you remember my hands in yours The strong hand that can carry us to heaven. Do you remember how I cry, when I look at you, When you are gone I weep, and the clouds are blue Do you remember my face You can hold it Until we take our last embrace. |
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Collection Of Funny Tweets And Memes To Brighten Up Your Day / Read N Laff:- A Collection Of Hilarious Jokes / Jesus Is Always The Answer
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