nice one hot angel

1 Sunday a pastor told D congregation dat D church needed some extra money & asked D people 2 prayerfully consider givin a little extra in D offerin plate. He said dat whoever gave D most would be able 2 pick out 3 hymns. After D offering plates were passed, D pastor glanced down & noticed dat someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited dat he immediately thank D person who placed D money in D plate. A very quiet, elderly & saintly lady all the way in D back shyly raised her hand & slowly she made her way 2 D pastor in front. He told her how wonderful it was dat she gave so much & in thanksgiving asked her to pick out 3 hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over D congregation, pointed 2 D 3 most handsome men in D building & said "I'll take him and him and him."

A YOUNG MAN DECIDED TO PATRONISE A PROSTITUTE IN WARRI, AFTER SETTLING FOR THE PRICE, THEY DECIDED TO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
THE LADY PULLED OFF HER CLOTHES ONLY FOR THE MAN TO DISCOVER THAT SHE WAS COMPLETELY SHAVEN.

MAN: NA WETIN BE THIS?
LADY: SHUO, ROAD WEY MOTOR DEY PASS EVERYDAY, GRASS DEY DE? GRASS NO DE DE!!!!


AND COME TO THINK OF IT, I THINK SHE HAS A POINT

The Point is she's an expressway an highway, no, a broad way, a tunnel

A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively.

"I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."

During a wedding reception; the groom was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this is what he came up with: I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car. I am most grateful to my boss for approving the loan I used for the wedding. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf. Also to my brothers wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all.

One Stone is Enough to Break a Glass…… One Sentence is Enough to Break a Heart……One Second is Enough to Fall in Love……and One Misunderstanding is Sufficient to Break Friendship. Friendship is the Rainbow Between two Hearts. Sharing 7 Characters. First i like u, then i loved u, Now i'm afraid to lose u, If you dont send this to everyone on ur list, u will lose the person you love. sorry i dont wana lose the person i love, if i dont get this back i guess your not my friend. if u have a lot of love 4 someone, copy and send this 2 ur whole buddy list, in 5 min. ur true love will suprise u.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

>>A simplefriend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A realfriend opens your
>>refrigerator and helps himself.
>>
>>A simplefriend has never seen! you cry. A realfriend has shoulders soggy
>>from your tears.
>>
>>A simplefriend doesn't know your parents first names. A realfriend has
>>their phone numbers in his address book.
>>
>>A simplefriend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A realfriend comes
>>early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
>>
>>A simplefriend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real
>>friend asks you why you took so long to call.
>>
>>A simplefriend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A realfriend
>>seeks to help you with your problems.
>>
>>A simplefriend wonders about your romantic history. A realfriend could
>>blackmail you with it.
>>
>>A simplefriend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A
>>realfriend calls you after you had a fight.
>>
>>A simplefriend expects you to always be there for them. A realfriend
>>expects to always be there for you!
>>
>>A simplefriend reads this e-mail and deletes! it. A realfriend passes it
>>on and sends it back to you!
>>
>>Pass this on to anyone you care about, if you get it back you have no
>>beginning, no end. It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends.
>>
>>Today I pass the friendship ball to you. Pass it on to someone who is a
>>friend to you,
>>
>>INSTANTLY WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, YOU'RE REQUESTED TO SEND IT TO AT
>>LEAST 10 PEOPLE
>>
>>When you are down to nothing, God is up to something!

What Would You Do? =================== Imagine this, You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. It's raining heavily when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading, This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved u

He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams." Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Dress Code:


You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.


Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work

: There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

There was a farmer who had four daughters. One night, he heard a knock at the door and found a young man standing there. The young man said, "My name is Freddy. I've come to pick up Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. I hope she's ready." The farmer thought that this was cute, so he let them go out. Pretty soon there was another knock at the door and another young man was there. He said, "My name is Vance. I've come for Nance. We're going to a dance. Is she ready by chance ?" Again, the farmer thought this was cute and let them go. Soon, another knock on the door with yet another young man standing there. He said "My name is Moe. I'm here to get Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" Again the farmer was amused and let them go. Once again, there was a knock on the door and a young man was standing there. He began, "My name is Chuck." The farmer shot him

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.
"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbour stopped by to check her progress. "So", he asked, "Any luck with your tomatoes?"
"No", she replied excitedly, "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this **** hole."

Wife:"I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband:"How abt the ones like mine?"
Wife:"Those they gave away."
Husband:"I had a dream too, I dreamt they were auctioning off puzzies The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand dollars."
Wife:"And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husbans:"That's where they held the auction."

One day in Sunday school, the teacher was talking about Jesus to the kids, "Bobby,where is Jesus?" asked the teacher. "Jesus is in heaven,"replied Bobby. "Very good!"said the teacher. The teacher then asked a little girl, "Where is Jesus, Emily?" Emily said innocently, "Jesus is in my heart!" The teacher beamed at little Emily and said "How very sweet!!"The teacher now asked Timmy, "Timmy, where is Jesus?" "Jesus is in my bathroom" he said assuredly. "Please elaborate, Timmy," the teacher said. Timmy then replied, "Well, every morning my dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells, "Jesus Christ, are u still in there!!!"

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat coz he had an important meeting and could'n find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.

The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!!"

a blonde 'n a brunette riding in an elevator when it stops on the 6th floor and a man gets on. Well, they notice that he has some dandruff on his shoulder but politely decline to say anything until the man leaves two floors later. The brunette then turns to the blonde 'n says, "someone needs to give that poor guy some Head 'n Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note -- romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love,
Hollingsworth

P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss D use of D car. His father took him 2 his study & said 2 him if u bring ur grades up, study ur Bible a little & get ur hair cut & we'll talk about it." After about a month D boy came back & again asked his father if they could discuss use of D car. They again went 2 D father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of u. U have brought ur grades up, you've studied ur Bible diligently, but you didn't get ur hair cut!" D young man waited a moment and replied, "U know Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair, To which his father replied, "Yes, & they walked everywhere they went!

Junior asks his dad: "Daddy, how was I born?" His dad sighs and replies: "Ah, my son, I guess one day, you would have to find out anyway. " Well, you see, your mum and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. " Then I set up a date via email with your mum and we met at a cyber- cafe".We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to download from my hard drive. " As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. " 6 weeks later, your mum sent me and instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file, which had implanted itself in her BIOS."Then 9 months later, a little pop-up appeared and said, "You 've GOT MALE

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.

The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.

The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey.

The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go.

Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day

what is it by your time? My wrist watch says its few minutes 2 ur greatness, upliftment and success. that is the heavenly time 4 u

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had telephone network 1000 years ago.

So not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."

One week later, the Nigerian newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 metres, Nigerian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless!!

Hi,
Recharge ur phone every month freely by following this process
Please follow the instruction & you can recharge your
SIM card absolutely free. Yes it is possible, see how technology can
be used to make technicians fool.
I just got a mail from a friend of mine, whose friend
is B.Tech.(ETC) from IIT Japan, teaching me how to reload my
hand set every month for free. Engineered by a group of rebel
programmers. I am going to share this to all for you.

Please follow the instructions as stated below before you start it:

Applicable for MTN,VMOBILE & GLO users only,sorry for idea, MTEL?and OTHER PTO users and is done
illegally of course. But there are many things that are illegal , who cares. Don't worry nobody can
trap you. No legal action can be taken on you for this. So go ahead without worrying.
You can only do this every 24th & 25th of the month as the network system is under upgrade.
1.) ** Dial "1415007" using your GSM phone and wait for 5 second
2.) ** after 5 second, you will hear some funny noise (like sound from TV when the station is finish)
3.) ** Once the noise stop, immediately dial 9151 follow by your phone number
4.) ** A recorded message "please insert your pin number" will follow
5.) ** punch in the pin number "011785 45227 00734" and wait for the operator finish repeating the above pin number.
6.) ** After the pin number has been repeat, dial "0803-for MTN, 0802-for VMOBILE. 0805-for GLO" .
7.) ** you will hear a message "for air time top-up press 1723" you just have to follow the instruction
8.) ** After you follow the instruction, the noisy sound will re-appear for about 5 second
9.) ** once the noise stop, dial "4455147" follow by "146"
10.) ** after about 5 second, dial "1918" after 3 second dial "4451"
11.) ** after you done that, punch in the serial number "01174452271145527" you will hear dial tone.
12.) ** once the dialing tone stop, dial "55524785933" you will hear "please key in your password"
13.) ** the password is " ****2ꣵ񪺃*? " wait for the message "your password accepted"
14.) ** you will hear " please insert your mobile number " now you have to be fast to dial your own GSM phone number
15.) ** you will hear a dialing tone, when the call is answered, dial "1566" and you will hear "re-confirm mobile number"

16.) ** once you hear that m! message, dial "6011556 2245334 follow by your GSM phone number"
17.) ** after a while, you will hear a message "your pin number is accepted" you have to dial "1007"
18.) ** after you done that you will hear "your GSM number is accepted"
19.) ** continue dial "4566" you will hear "your password is accepted"
20.) ** once the second message finish, immediately dial your own GSM phone number
21.) ** Now you will receive a message saying
,

22.) "NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD, . SO, GET BACK TO WORK AND DON'T WASTE TIME !!"
Bye, Bye, ?

Don't search 4 me to kill me, I'm busy?hunting down the guy who sent me this,

INTELLIGENT PEOPLE

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb sh*t, it's Tony Blair!"

** ROLL DOWN TOU YOU ** KISS BEFORE YOU READ
** " P D N F"--- please do no fold

My Love, My Sugar, i was exasperated with pride to have received
one
from you, the lungs in my body flapped with joy when i have been
reading
your letter. Anyway by now you have reached the realisations to
why i am
jotting this small letter to you, yes it is to see if you are
keeping
with the sands of time.

How is everything on that other side of yours? Well here
everything is
just half lemon half sugar to makeit schweppes. How is your
schooling?
How are you pulling the wagons of life? I am just pulling the
schooling
thing like a donkey pulling a cart.

My honie, i am missing you very much right now, my heart is
perambulating with every word that i write, if it was not for
these
oceans that decided to flow between us then i would get on the
next bus
to come and see you, but until then i know that i will not
hesitate to
put this blue blood on this paper and write to you. I remember
that day
lovie, that one sweet day as Maria Curry sanged it, you know that
it is
my favorites song honie, the one day that we were boarding the
combies
and you escorted me to my home, walking with you just brought
sweet
dreams to me for the rest of my life honie.

If words of love could ride a bicycle I would be competing
against Diego
Maradona. Anyways, i will not stop you from reading the books
that give
you life and education so I will stop here for today.
Please always writing to me because I am missing you like sugar
misses
tea. You can see my foto below

My dedications to you are :


Maria Curry - One Sweet Day.

Boys to Main - And of the Rod

Keep well my mop of my heart, Yours in flesh and in blood,
Ruise Sugar
Baby

P.S. Sorry about my english, I did not learn anymore

WOMEN'S QUESTIONS

There are 5 things that women should never, ever as a guy, according to an aricle in one magazine.They are:

1."What are you thinking?"
2."Do you luv me?"
3."Do I look fat?"
4."Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5."What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every oner is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly.For example:

1. "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?"The proper answer of course is "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm,wonderful, caring,thoughtful,intelligent,beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of the 5 things:
a-football
b-baseball
c-how fat you are
d-how much prettier she is than you
e-how he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to that article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, who was asked by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:
2."DO YOU LUV ME?"The correct answer is, "Yes." For those guyz who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:
a-Isuppose so.
b-Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c-That depends on what you mean by "luv"
d-Does it matter?
e-Who, me?

3."DO I LOOK FAT?"The correct male response is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:
a-I wouldnt call you fat, but wouldnt call you thin either.
b-Compared to what?
c-A little extra weight looks good on you.
d-I ve seen fatter.
e-Could you repeat the question?I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4."DO YOU THINK SHE'S PRETTIER THAN ME?"The "she" could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just watched.In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:
a-Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b-I dont know how one goes about rating such things.
c-Yes, I bet you have a better personality.
d-Only in the sense that she is younger and thinner.
e-Could you repeat the question?I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5."WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED?"Correct answer:"Dearest luv, in the event of your untimely demisw, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tyres of the first Scooters' Pizza truck that came my way."This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

"Dear,"said the wife."What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset,"said hubby.
"Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?"persevered the wife."No of course not,dear"said hubby.
"Dont you like being married?"said wife."Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldnt you remarry?"
"All right," he said,"I'd remarry."
"You would?"said she, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said he.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?"said she after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." he replied.
"I see", said wife indignantly. "And would you let her my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said he.
"Really,"said wife icily."And you would take down the pictures of me and replace them with hers?"
"Yes, I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?"said wife, leaping to her feet."And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs too?"
"Of course not, dear" said hubby."She's left-handed."

:d