coogar:

stop making daft assumptions......
there's no reason to believe she's sleeping with the babypoppa...even if she's doing it - how's it your headache? that's the father of her son not just a random bloke and she admitted it was entirely her fault she let him slip away because of her oversized ego......how do you know your own wife is not sleeping with her ex as we speak? siddon there......

Whoa I always tot u were morally balanced am surprised that u now think it right for her to sleep with a married man n think it justified that he should divorce his wife. What if d other lady was ur Sis n she innocently got tangled in this mess. M sure if d wife comes n post on NL that her husband is leaving her for another man u will say go fight. Op has made her mistake she should live with it n not destroy an innocent woman's home.

Also this is a very good case study. The OP have said while they were together they were always at each others throat being abusive with F words n all. M guessing sometimes in the presence of their son. We ve alway preached look be4 u leap in marriage n here all d negative signs r present. Wats d possibility this marriage if they get married won't end up in violence or divorce.

@

chaircover: They are in love

. . . . . . na wa o! So if my husband suddenly wakes up one morning and meets an ex girlfriend who he was in love with in 1932 on the road, its okay for him to go back to her and dump me . . . . afterall who knows all the bad things I did before in my life and it is Karma catching up with me abi . . . . .(or was i the only women he has ever loved in his life)

This is why marriages are 2 for one kobo these days. No one seems to know the importance of what marriage means any more. Easy in and easy out.

Look lets call a spade a spade here. The man is married full stop. You are liaising with a married man full stop. If anyone thought about the baby having a father and living in a 1+1 family, all the egos and silly games wouldn't have got in the way, but it did and the plane has taken off leaving some people at the departure lounge.

Yeah lessons may have been learnt on some sides, but that the whole idea of life and that is to teach us lessons and not all mistakes are rectifiable. . . . . .certainly you dont build your home on a marshy or sandy foundation.

This is NOT a mills and boons happy ending love story as some people think, This is a very messy and sinful situation and even if you get back together it is unlikely that your relationship stands the test of time cos there are too many jagged edges.

This man is no longer yours. He stopped being yours the day he said I do to his wife; baby or not and if anyone tells you otherwise they are just misleading you.

I am sure that there is a man out there worth of your love . . . . .mindset & self esteem my dear.

Yeah Right

kitty kat:
Its a complicated world. The funny thing is that some of the women are even aware that the man still loves the baby momma and do their best to get a ring. Forgetting that these sort of complications will arise.

Anyway human beinGs will keep beinG selfish. To each his own. I don't have anythinG to advise aGain cos I have seen a lady fiGht with another lady over a baby daddy. Infact she prayed daily for the baby momma to die just to wear a ring. At the end of the day, she wore the ring but baby daddy decided he wanted his ex back.

Who we go blame now. Now Mrs is runnninG allover the place crying to who will help her chase away the Jezebel baby momma away forgettinG she stole d man at first.
Women!!!!

My dear all baby mamas r not first in relationships some women jump in n get pregnant knowing the guy is in a serious relationship . I know of 2 cases where a guy was engaged came to lag to see his bro mat an old sch mate did d do n she got pregnant they finally got married sha but in such cases I think they don't get to knw each other properly.

Maybe in OPs case d baby dad was not sure if the kid was his cos remember she said he caught her Internet cheating at d same time she got pregnant.

I also think if the baby dad lied about getting married to her he would ve lied or not told his wife about his baby mama n son.

Am really surprised at some of the comments here. So it's d wife's fault now. Kai . God help us. wrong is Wrong oh no justification .

Op follow the advice of people like Cogar n Jidegirl n let us know in 6 months how it goes.

jidegirl12: @kobo you sounded bery judgmental and very sure of what you are talking about....first of all ..do you know how she was raised? second of all.... he did not dump her...these two idiots are in love, still in love and always in love...I am sorry for the lady caught in this web(who know what she has done in the past...what you sow you reap my people say))

but let all of una just be honest ...I know this is a family forum and everybody is on the married side cos thats the right thing to do blah blah BUT OP is human too...sorry it is what it is...I'd say go get your man and its your choice...My 2cents...Be sure! I repeat be sure the divorce is final before you take this to the next level.

I know some people will be very disappointed with this post BUT I am just being realistic!

Some people just need to CHILL!! Like for real!! Give her a break joor

First and foremost, I don't need to witness her upbringing to know she was not raised right because NOBODY raised right thinks this way. Remember that saying in the bible --- "Train up your child when she is young, when she is old, she will not depart" - that saying/ proverb. It was here before you, and will continue to be in existence and use even long after you are gone.

Secondly, if you do not know what love is, then I suggest you pick up a book and learn, rather than use the word flippantly. And please don't insult idiots --- yes, I used to know two idiots(mentally challenged individuals) who were in love and they did not act this imbecilic. Love is not stupid -- so do not attempt to dirty it up.

Sorry for what lady? the lady the slowpoke this @poster is attempting to elope with declared his love for, and went as far as to marry? Or let me guess, that does not constitute love because . . . .(fill in the gap). The two women here are sorry cases as any man who has a baby-mama and instead chooses to marry another woman, is not worth having anyone. In fact, I fault the women here - #1 for making herself a mere baby-mama to an imbecilic specimen of a man, and #2 for agreeing to marry such a specimen. However, if baby-mama does not at least grow some brain and decide now to change her life for the better, she is likely to remain a sperm-well for the rest of her life, and not much else.

Now, to your statement on everyone being on the married side . . . are you saying that if and when you are married, it is OK for another woman to come in to essentially DESTROY your union because, according to you, she and your husband could be in love? Is that what you are saying should be allowed to happen? If you say yes, then I say may it be onto you as you will it for others.

Heck, extend it to every dealing you have with humans . . . may a third party always freely come in to take away from you that which you have decided is yours! Let me know if you are ok with this.

@

Jidegirl, I'm sorry I have to say this but your post, especially as a married woman is way out of line.

It's easy to stand back and coldly dish out advice from the comfort of your home without thinking of the recipient - a human like you. You of all people should understand the sanctity of marriage, and that marriage between two people is not a game. A game where you opt out because you "think" you made a "mistake". This is serious business and not child's play.

Would you proffer the advice you've just given @Annie to your daughter? You think your daughter couldn't be in the shoes of the ex's wife? You do know that young impressionable women are reading this thread. What sort of message are you trying to pass on?

I see many married women here thinking,what if that other woman is me? .they are being overly emotional.

What if divorce is d best thing for the other lady. Being married to a man who wants to be with some1 else isnt a good thing IMO. What if the divorce is best for her while Annie gets to be with the man.

I think Annie deseves to be happy and I really had this likeness for her from her first post btw.

Kobojunkie:

Firsr and formost, I don't need to witness her upbringing to know she was not raised right because NOBODY raised right thinks this way. Remember that saying in the bible --- "Train up your child when she is young, when she is old, she will not depart" --- that saying/ proverb before you and will continue to be in existence and use even long after you are gone.

Secondly, if you do not know what love is, then I suggest you pick up a book and learn, rather than use the word flippantly. And please don't insult idiots --- yes, I used to know two idiots(mentally challenged individuals) who were in love and they did not act this imbecilic. Love is not stupid -- so do not attempt to dirty it up.

Sorry for what lady? the lady the slowpoke this @poster is attempting to elope with declared his love for, and went as far as to marry? Or let me guess, that does not constitute love because . . . .(fill in the gap). The two women here are sorry cases as any man who has a baby-mama and instead chooses to marry another woman, is not worth having anyone. In fact, I fault the women here - #1 for making herself a mere baby-mama to an imbecilic specimen of a man, and #2 for agreeing to marry such a specimen. However, if baby-mama does not at least grow some brain and decide now to change her life for the better, she is likely to remain a sperm-well for the rest of her life, and not much else.

Wow 2likes already...kudos to you...duh

k....first of all and I remained that you don't know her or know how she was raised got it ? and the train up your child blah does't fly with me..you are on your own with that.

lol...I don't know what love is?....well what can I say? I will be damnned if I wasnt expecting sacarsm from you as usual ......what am I thinking ? duh!



[/quote]
Now, to your statement on everyone being on the married side . . . are you saying that if and when you are married, it is OK for another woman to come in to essentially DESTROY your union because, according to you, she and your husband could be in love? Is that what you are saying should be allowed to happen? If you say yes, then I say may it be onto you as you will it for others.

Heck, extend it to every dealing you have with humans . . . may a third party always freely come in to take away from you that which you have decided is yours! Let me know if you are ok with this.[/quote]


Now listen I am a married woman and I am just being realistic here so you don't have to be rude to me or my family, I am gonna say it once and don't you EVER MENTION my family FKNG AGAIN, I don't bring my life to NL so lets argue constructively and with restraint on your fingers...people that bring their family life to NL can expect that kind of words from you ...nuh un not me get it? If that attitude flexes your muscles...take it elsewhere or can't you discuss/argue without dragging people's personal lives into it?

...I ain't gonna fake it and go with the flow here, I have my OWN OPINION AND THERE YOU HAVE IT...and you are not making any sense and all I read is mumbo jumbo about its not love, the man is slowpoke and the mentally challenged people are idiots that inhabit in your house while they are in love...yeah they(OP) are in love so what? You got a problem with that or its too unreal for you to comprehend?.... like seriously? or its a taboo for her to have a hapilly ever after cos she messed up? Obviously according to her story and what I deduced ...the guy just married to get back at her...now are you being fair with the married lady to be stuck with that guy just cause they are married and not happy in her marriage which is obviously not gonna last whether the OP is involved or not?

Third party CANNOT steal from me because I am not insecured and I treat mine right and I do what is right because we are meant for each other....in other words your last paragraph jagons is just ...well...jagons to me.

Efemena_xy: Jidegirl, I'm sorry I have to say this but your post, especially as a married woman is way out of line.

It's easy to stand back and coldly dish out advice from the comfort of your home without thinking of the recipient - a human like you. You of all people should understand the sanctity of marriage, and that marriage between two people is not a game. A game where you opt out because you "think" you made a "mistake". This is serious business and not child's play.

Would you proffer the advice you've just given @Annie to your daughter? You think your daughter couldn't be in the shoes of the ex's wife? You do know that young impressionable women are reading this thread. What sort of message are you trying to pass on?

chei chei.... #1 rule Efe; don't mention my family.

deols: I see many married women here thinking,what if that other woman is me? .they are being overly emotional.

What if divorce is d best thing for the other lady. Being married to a man who wants to be with some1 else isnt a good thing IMO. What if the divorce is best for her while Annie gets to be with the man.

I think Annie deseves to be happy and I really had this likeness for her from her first post btw.

It's got nothing to do with being emotional, it's plain old common sense!

If this guy truely wants to be with someone else, he had no reason getting married in the first place.

You don't marry miss "A" to teach miss "B" a lesson. Marriage is not about do-me-I-do-you

deols: I see many married women here thinking,what if that other woman is me? .they are being overly emotional.

What if divorce is d best thing for the other lady. Being married to a man who wants to be with some1 else isnt a good thing IMO. What if the divorce is best for her while Annie gets to be with the man.

I think Annie deseves to be happy and I really had this likeness for her from her first post btw.

So, let me get this . . . . "Annie" WILL be happy when she gets the man divorced from his current wife? Right? That is the UNEMOTIONAL assumption/conclusion you are willing to bounce at, right?

ROFLMAO!!!

Let me help you get your head out of that hole there . . . .

a) There is no Guarantee that when, and if "Annie" succeeds in getting this couple divorced, that Annie will get the man. Matter of fact, the chances are 70% that Annie will never get the man, let alone get him to commit fully to her.

b) A divorce, if done right, might strip baby-papa of everything. Is "Annie" willing to accept him, cardboard box and all? Would "Annie" be "happy" with that at the end of the day?

c) If, and when "Annie" eventually marries this man, the chances are great(almost 70%) that another woman, or some other issue, will cause Annie to experience divorce. Second marriages, with children born OUTSIDE of the marriage, are about 66% highly likely to end in divorce, than first marriages.

d) You say divorce might be the best for the man's wife, right? Well, How exactly is that? Most marriages experience infidelity of some kind, at some point, however, not all marriages that experience this, end. So, if "Annie" deserves to be happy, and there is the possibility that the current wife could also be happy(since it is not guaranteed that infidelity leads to divorce), why should "Annie"'s happiness mean that the other woman, who owes "Annie" NOTHING, should have to give up on her potential(assuming she is not happy right now) future happiness?

Efemena_xy: It's got nothing to do with being emotional, it's plain old common sense!

If this guy truely wants to be with someone else, he had no reason getting married in the first place.

You don't marry miss "A" to teach miss "B" a lesson. Marriage is not about do-me-I-do-you.

I am not being emotional....I do when you drag my family on NL or have I complained about them to you to warrant your insults on them?....please please...we are all grown ups...

And your ruleis very funny.....you making decisions for adults now?

jidegirl12:

Wow 2likes already...kudos to you...duh

k....first of all and I remained that you don't know her or know how she was raised got it ? and the train up your child blah does't fly with me..you are on your own with that.

lol...I don't know what love is?....well what can I say? I will be damnned if I wasnt expecting sacarsm from you as usual ......what am I thinking ? duh!

I was not being sarcastic. There are millions of people out there. . . many of them married with kids, who have never really experienced love in their lives. Many of them think being sexually attracted to another individual, or in the case of some women, having a man dote on them, means they are being shown love. Love is not stupid . . and Love does not cause people to do stupid things.
For you to suggest that it is possible for a man to love a woman yet choose to marry(vow to spend the rest of his life in matrimony)another woman, rather than the woman the whom he supposedly loves, and has a child with , leads me to believe you don't know what love is.

jidegirl12:

I am not being emotional....I do when you drag my family on NL or have I complained about them to you to warrant your insults on them?....please please...we are all grown ups...

And your ruleis very funny.....you making decisions for adults now?

Slow down jide...that post wasn't intended for you.

Your response came in quicker than mine.

jidegirl12:

chei chei.... #1 rule Efe; don't mention my family.

Jide pls stop this. It's embarrassing.

Kobojunkie:

I was not being sarcastic. There are millions of people out there. . . many of them married with kids, who have never really experienced love in their lives. Many of them think being sexually attracted to another individual, or in the case of some women, having a man dote on them, means they are being shown love. Love is not stupid . . and Love does not cause people to do stupid things.
For you to suggest that it is possible for a man to love a woman yet choose to marry another woman, rather than the woman the whom he supposedly loves, and has a child with , leads me to believe you don't know what love is.

Damn

Airpure: Am really surprised at some of the comments here. So it's d wife's fault now. Kai . God help us. wrong is Wrong oh no justification .

Op follow the advice of people like Cogar n Jidegirl n let us know in 6 months how it goes.

Stay there. It is her fault that she married a very confused man. Nigerians? God will save us

Kobojunkie:

This is a good example of why mothers of Africa(blacks especially) need to wake up and start teaching their daughters right.

How can any sane individual, raised well by a good mother, post this nonsense? How can any self-respecting individual even consider getting back with someone who is ALREADY MARRIED AND MOVED ON? How can someone be so brainless, and so wicked at the same time, as to consider getting back with someone who dumped her like a piece of dirty rag, went as far as to get married, and now pretends she is the only reason he has to contemplate divorce from a marriage that is not even **3 days old?

For all you women who think men get married to get back at you, I say you get off that space dust you are on. No man goes to marry another woman to piss you off. Mentality stable Women don't do it so why would a mentally stable man do it?

You know what? Insults excluded, I love this post.

Kobojunkie:

So, let me get this . . . . "Annie" WILL be happy when she gets the man divorced from his current wife? Right? That is the UNEMOTIONAL assumption/conclusion you are willing to bounce at, right?

ROFLMAO!!!

Let me help you get your head out of that hole there . . . .

a) There is no Guarantee that when, and if "Annie" succeeds in getting this couple divorced, that Annie will get the man. Matter of fact, the chances are 70% that Annie will never get the man, let alone get him to commit fully to her.

b) A divorce, if done right, might strip baby-papa of everything. Is "Annie" willing to accept him, cardboard box and all? Would "Annie" be "happy" with that at the end of the day?

c) If, and when "Annie" eventually marries this man, the chances are great(almost 70%) that another woman, or some other issue, will cause Annie to experience divorce. Second marriages, with children born OUTSIDE of the marriage, are about 66% highly likely to end in divorce, than first marriages.

d) You say divorce might be the best for the man's wife, right? Well, How exactly is that? Most marriages experience infidelity of some kind, at some point, however, not all marriages that experience this, end. So, if "Annie" deserves to be happy, and there is the possibility that the current wife could also be happy(since it is not guaranteed that infidelity leads to divorce), why should "Annie"'s happiness mean that the other woman, who owes "Annie" NOTHING, should have to give up on her potential(assuming she is not happy right now) future happiness?

I get your point(s)

I am not in anyway wishing that the man involved divorses his wife. In fact,I think Annie is not in d place to make him do that.

But if the marriage ends in divorce,I see no reason why Annie should not get back with him.

chaircover: "They are in love" . . . . what a reason!!!!!!

. . . . . . na wa o! So if my husband suddenly wakes up one morning and meets an ex girlfriend who he was in love with in 1932 on the road, its okay for him to go back to her and dump me . . . . afterall who knows all the bad things I did before in my life and it is Karma catching up with me abi . . . . .(or was i the only women he has ever loved in his life)

This is why marriages are 2 for one kobo these days. No one seems to know the importance of what marriage means any more. Easy in and easy out. No commitment and no respect for the marriage institution.

Look lets call a spade a spade here. The man is married full stop. You are liaising with a married man full stop. If anyone thought about the baby having a father and living in a 1+1 family, all the egos and silly games wouldn't have got in the way, but it did and the plane has taken off leaving some people at the departure lounge.

Yeah lessons may have been learnt on some sides, but that the whole idea of life and that is to teach us lessons and not all mistakes are rectifiable. . . . . .certainly you dont build your home on a marshy or sandy foundation.

This is NOT a mills and boons happy ending love story as some people think, This is a very messy and sinful situation and even if you get back together it is unlikely that your relationship stands the test of time cos there are too many jagged edges.

This man is no longer yours. He stopped being yours the day he said I do to his wife; baby or not and if anyone tells you otherwise they are just misleading you.

I am sure that there is a man out there worth of your love . . . . .mindset & self esteem my dear. Go get it and leave this poor womans husband alone and give him space to fix his marriage.

Thank You.

deols:

I get your point(s)

I am not in anyway wishing that the man involved divorses his wife. In fact,I think Annie is not in d place to make him do that.

But if the marriage ends in divorce,I see no reason why Annie should not get back with him.

Annie should find out first why he "divorced" his wife in the first place. Secondly, that man is not ready to settle down neither is he mature enough to handle a relationship. Going back to him does not guarantee a happy ending. Such men should be left alone to grow up, learn their life lessons before venturing out to look for a woman. You cannot continue jumping from one woman to the other.

deols:

I get your point(s)

I am not in anyway wishing that the man involved divorses his wife. In fact,I think Annie is not in d place to make him do that.

But if the marriage ends in divorce,I see no reason why Annie should not get back with him.

According to her story, "Annie" is the one who gets to decide if the coward will get a divorce, or not. If I read her right, she tells us that the man wants her back and it is up to her to decide if they should be together(with divorce possibly happening as a result) or not(likely no divorce if she refuses). "Annie" herself told us nothing of a divorce happening - seems she is well aware that her actions might lead to the break up of the marriage - she is essentially here, it seems, to get justification for putting the wheel into spin on that.

So back to the question, why should "Annie"'s happiness here be to DESTROY a marriage? Why should it take that much for "Annie" to be happy? What are we going to prescribe next?

Kobojunkie:

I was not being sarcastic. There are millions of people out there. . . many of them married with kids, who have never really experienced love in their lives. Many of them think being sexually attracted to another individual, or in the case of some women, having a man dote on them, means they are being shown love. Love is not stupid . . and Love does not cause people to do stupid things.
For you to suggest that it is possible for a man to love a woman yet choose to marry another woman, rather than the woman the whom he supposedly loves, and has a child with , leads me to believe you don't know what love is.

Great...I am glad we are on the mellow mood now....my argument is this...without being sentimental about marriage and all that...cos I really understand your frutration with this Annie lady trying to break up a 'loving' family? BUT BUT

what IF it's not loving afteral? The guy is just bailing out to be with her ex and possibly thinks he already had a life with before. He didn't break up with her, she did, MAYBE he is still in love with her and obviously she is. Don't you think you are doiing the married lady a favour before children are involved with this id iot? #cosheis

IMO they are better off together...don't get me wrong I don't like the indecisive man here either...

Efemena_xy:

Jide pls stop this. It's embarrassing.

What is jare?

Guitar !

deols:

I get your point(s)

I am not in anyway wishing that the man involved divorses his wife. In fact,I think Annie is not in d place to make him do that.

But if the marriage ends in divorce,I see no reason why Annie should not get back with him.

That is exactly my point! He will anyways

deols:

I get your point(s)

I am not in anyway wishing that the man involved divorses his wife. In fact,I think Annie is not in d place to make him do that.

But if the marriage ends in divorce,I see no reason why Annie should not get back with him.

I'm at a loss for words here. Someone help me out pls!

Deols, do you understand that divorce is not a 'Get-out-of-jail-free' card? It's used as a last resort IF all else fails AND the couple in question have exhausted all options/possibilities for reconciliation.

You don't go about advising a couple to get divorced barely a year after tying the knot!

Just quit dishing out the Nollywood advice, okay?

jidegirl12:

Great...I am glad we are on the mellow mood now....my argument is this...without being sentimental about marriage and all that...cos I really understand your frutration with this Annie lady trying to break up a 'loving' family? BUT BUT

what IF it's not loving afteral? The guy is just bailing out to be with her ex and possibly thinks he already had a life with before. He didn't break up with her, she did, MAYBE he is still in love with her and obviously she is. Don't you think you are doiing the married lady a favour before children are involved with this id iot? #cosheis

IMO they are better off together...don't get me wrong I don't like the indecisive man here either...

I am not being sentimental about marriage --- I simply explained that you consider the facts and the situation RATIONALLY before giving out advice.

Whether the marriage is currently in shambles or not, is NONE OF "Annie"'s beeswax. As long as the man is still married to the wife, there is absolutely no reason why "Annie" should assume the position of judge and arbiter on the marriage continuing or not.

Please learn to, again, reason things out RATIONALLY(notice I did not say emotionally). According to "Annie", her ex is a married man(NOT DIVORCED), and "Annie" is here trying to make a decision as to whether to go out/date a MARRIED man(the coward did not even have enough balls, or respect for "Annie", to first get divorced before asking her to come back to him). I don't understand how "Annie" choosing to RIP APART a marriage can be considered doing the wife(who never asked for it from her) a favor. Why not tell "Annie" to wait for the woman to ask her for THE FAVOR, before she acts RIPS apart her(the man's current wife's) marriage?

I mean how does this work? If I called your boss tomorrow and got you, or your husband fired, would you consider it a FAVOR? Because that is essentially what you are suggesting could be the case here.

Kobojunkie:

According to her story, "Annie" is the one who gets to decide if the coward will get a divorce, or not. If I read her right, she tells us that the man wants her back and it is up to her to decide if they should be together(with divorce possibly happening as a result) or not(likely no divorce if she refuses). "Annie" herself told us nothing of a divorce happening - seems she is well aware that her actions might lead to the break up of the marriage - she is essentially here, it seems, to get justification for putting the wheel into spin on that.

So back to the question, why should "Annie"'s happiness here be to DESTROY a marriage? Why should it take that much for "Annie" to be happy? What are we going to prescribe next?

Now you think Annie gets to decide...even a mumu man you no fit tell him to divoce his wife unless you put a gun to his head or you jazz am ...divorce is that easy?

Efemena_xy: I'm at a loss for words here. Someone help me out pls!

Deols, do you understand that divorce is not a 'Get-out-of-jail-free' card? It's used as a last resort IF all else fails AND the couple in question have exhausted all options/possibilities for reconciliation.

You don't go about advising a couple to get divorced barely a year after tying the knot!

Just quit dishing out the Nollywood advice, okay?

I watched a similar nollywood movie recently starring Van Vicker but the ending was different. Van Vicker chased his wife away and married his mistress. Fast forward to many years later after he has tasted both women, he decided to go back to his wife he abandoned. Anyways after much begging and kneeling, she accepted him back and became the queen of his heart .

May EX girlfriends snatch the husbands and boyfriends of all the women supporting this rubbish. What a shame. Tufiakwa