Jealousy is an emotion we can all agree we have felt at one time in our relationship or the other. It sometimes helps us know our relationship is alive. It is very human to feel jealous or possessive of our partners. Just like any other human emotion like fear, aggression or anger it is natural to feel it and we can feel it in varying degrees. Mild jealousy can make a guy frown and change his countenance to see his girl smile at another guy. Acute jealousy on the other hand can make a guy get into a major brawl because he feels another dude is getting too familiar with his girl.

Jealousy uncontrolled can however become a major monster in a relationship. Zeniah’s relationship with her banker boyfriend soured badly because she just couldn’t bear him to be familiar with other females even his colleagues at work. She suspected and accused him endlessly of cheating on her and being in a relationship with any female he was intimate with. This completely exasperated him destroying the relationship. She confessed later she couldn’t explain her attitude but she constantly felt overwhelmed with fear that someone would steal him from her. Ngozi on the other hand is a woman who almost fell victim to another woman’s murderous jealousy. She narrowly escaped being publicly beaten and stripped naked by a woman who accused her of trying to steal her husband.

This shows how detrimental Jealousy can be. It can be quite detrimental to any relationship because it destroys the most important things in any relationship. It destroys trust, joy, peace growth, friendship etc. To be insanely jealous of who your partner talks to and to be so insecure about her friends and associates is to say that you do not trust your partner and no one likes not being trusted. Jealousy and possessiveness make some partners especially men unnecessary impose restriction and barriers on their partners ruining the free flow of communication and affection that should be in any relationship. Kate can’t remember how many times she had to deactivate her face book account to please her boy friend. She resents it. Now she has a new one with a false name and her boyfriend does not know. Her boy friend felt so threatened by her friends on Face book she had to deactivate to prove to her boyfriend that none of the people there meant anything to her. He had made her also stop calling some of her former platonic male friends from her service year and had particularly frustrated her friendship with her best friend on the grounds that the girl had too many male friends.

Jealousy destroys love because it would lead to a lot of unnecessary fights and rows when you should be loving each other. A little jealousy is good in a relationship after all it shows you or your partner is both not indifferent to each other or the relationship. But a lot of it can act like an inferno that if not carefully curtailed can burn down the relationship.


What is behind jealousy? Most of the time it is fear. Fear of losing a loved partner or a pleasant relationship. But lasting love cannot be built on any negative emotion .The best way to solve raging jealousy in a relationship is to address it head on. Jealousy restricts full expression within or outside any relationship. The partner exhibiting negative jealous traits must be called to order and given clear options and must be made to see clearly how his or her behavior is affecting you and the relationship. You will both have to find out what is triggering the jealous feelings and try to resolve it. Helping your partner build confidence and trust in you may take a while but it is the only way to get stability back into a relationship rocked by jealousy. Whatever it is make the erring partner understand his or her behavior is not just okay and is stifling your life. Do not be afraid to end any relationship that you are sure is feeding you negatively.

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What if you have finally found the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with and the obstacle is not even that your family does not like the person you have chosen but that they do not want him or her because he or she is of a different religion? What would you do? What if you cannot be with the one you really love because you both don’t share the same Faith? Would you convert because you love him or her? What if you don’t have any confidence in his or her Faith would you give up the relationship even if you know he or she is the one?

Religion and Love are two things that demand very strong emotions from us and it can be very frustrating when we have to choose one over the other. A women became very perplexed when her partner who she was about to walk down the aisle with suddenly broke the relationship telling her he had just made a commitment to get more serious with his religion and could no longer continue with her excerpt she converts to his demonimation. They are both Christians. He is Pentecostal and she is Catholic .To her, his decision was really insane. Why would he let religion come between their mutual happiness? Dianne another lady in a similar situation is thinking of breaking up her relationship of three years with Usman. She confesses she loves him but cannot see any future to the relationship. Usman’s family are devote Muslim and she can’t see them accepting her and she has no intention of converting to Islam as she has been informed to do if she wanted the relationship to progress to the next level. If there was any chance that they could marry, she didn’t think she would want her children to be anything other than catholic.

Mary another lady says she doesn’t even discuss religion with Henry her boyfriend of many years. They let each other go their separate ways and do what they both have to do when it comes to their spiritual matters. Henry believes in Ifa and she is a Christian he goes to his festivals and consults his priests and she goes to her church. They just decided not to get involved with each other’s religion. She says it has worked so far. She insists people should respect other people’s religious believes or how they see the world or life. Sometimes we set our standards too high and end up being very lonely and miserable she says.

While am not sure that turning a blind eye to anything religious the way Mary is doing in her relationship is good I still think that making religion to matter too much probably is not too good either. I think we are first people before we are Christians or Muslims and whether we are Christians or Muslims we still have lots of things we do in common as humans. Besides the main point of religion is universal love anyway. If we love in actuality as our religions advice there won’t be any reason why anyone should have to be discriminated against because of their religious believes. There are lots of things you can still share with a partner who is not of the same religion as .You can both enrich each other’s lives with the wealth from both religions.


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It is very painful when you really want your relationship to work or last but instead it had to breaking up. Author Henri Nouwen acknowledges this pain when he said “when those you love deeply reject you, leave you or die your heart is bound to get broken but that should not hold you back from loving again.”But how do we get over a heart break? Here are five tips on how to get over a broken heart and be happy again.

1. GO THROUGH THE PAIN
Stand still and feel the pain. Allow yourself to actually feel your sadness, loneliness or even anger at the break up. Making yourself the angel and your ex the villain will hardly help anything. Just allow the pain to seep in and finally seep out. Allow the fact to sink in that it is over. Facing and dealing with the factors that caused the breakup in the first place is very essential. This will help you in your next relationship not to repeat the same mistakes or bad experiences. The grieve you feel and overcoming that grief is what would help you get over the breakup. Going through the pain and not being defeated by it until the pain of your loss is over will help you emerge as a stronger person.

2. FILL THE EMPTINESS
It is best to understand that not every relationship will work out and It is really no one’s job to make you happy but yourself. It would appear at first like you will never be happy again without that person in your life but the truth is you will eventually. Fill the empty space in your life creatively with new and interesting things that ought to take your mind away from the lost relationship. Make new friends, meet new people. Do all you can to come out of yourself and to stop thinking.

unhappy-couple-why-living-together-is-a-bad-idea3. TAKE IT SLOW
It is not wise to start another relationship too soon after a break up or to try desperately to get your lover back. It shows fear and inability to be alone all by yourself and enjoy your own company. Not being able to do this shows low self esteem as well little self acceptance. Take the time off to be all by yourself and sort yourself and your thoughts out and make concrete decision what you want to do next with your life, whether you want to be with someone else or not. Whatever you are doing take your time and don’t be under any type of pressure. Make sure you are really taking decisions that will benefit you.

4. KEEP GOING
Give yourself the permission to be kind to yourself. Keep on going on. Call your old friends and spend time with them or have long chats with your favorite online friends, commit to doing things daily that would propel you forward and not backwards into the past especially things you have never done before or don’t do often like exercise, a massage etc. Try to get yourself to have some fun.

5. DON’T HOLD ON TO BITTERNESS
The fact that you were hurt by someone does not mean that there are no other good people out there. There are lots of wonderful people in the world who would not cause you such pain so you have to be determined to try to love again. That should be the mindset you should try to cultivate. Have the confidence that someone special made just for you is out there is out there somewhere and love would surely locate you both. You don’t have to strive to get to the person your meeting will happen all by itself. Just tell yourself when it does you will give it your best shot. Open your heart to the new love and start over again don’t let the past hold you back from happiness.


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“Am in my twenties and am intensely attracted to someone significantly older than me in fact am thinking of dating him.” This is from someone wondering about the appropriateness of this type of relationship. Many women are involved with older men for money these days without batting an eyelid. This article is not for such people but for anyone whose path of love has led him or her to that wonderful but older person and is wondering if it is right to go ahead with it.

Being attracted to an older person is quite normal. As humans it is possible to find all kinds of people attractive. But acting on this attraction is where we have to think clearly first. There are lots of women these days that prefer the older man not just for his being materially more comfortable but because he is more experienced and more mature about a lot of things. Several younger men are dating older women not because they could be sugar mummies but because they quite respect and appreciate them.

Well if you have found yourself at the verge of dating an older person it is best to ask first of all how old? How old are you compared to how old he is? I know all about the saying “age is nothing but a number” but it is still best to check out the age difference. Does this age difference make you feel okay or are you made anxious about it? Does it embarrass you especially with your friends? Remember time flies very fast. Would you be okay with this person say in the next five years?

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There is that part of giving up things that are appropriate to your age and assuming things appropriate to the age of the older person. A girl talked of how she missed all the silly things she used to do with her girl friends when she started a deep committed relationship with a man several years older. She had to spend more time with him and his older friends talking of and doing stuff she didn’t find particularly interesting although her guy was a very kind and thoughtful person but all through the time the relationship lasted, she felt very lonely and felt like she had lost herself or is losing out on life. You may want to consider this before you plunge in.

If the significant people in your life are not in agreement with the relationship you are likely to find that you have to keep the relationship a secret and that takes a lot of pleasure out of love and loving. Sneaking around if you think your friends would laugh at you or disapprove, has a way of getting tiring very quickly. Being under pressure to keep it low is not good for a love relationship. It is likely to strain the relationship with time. Keeping things underground or getting embarrassed when people ask why you are with an older person when there are loads of younger people can get frustrating and tiring.

There is also a limitation to what you can do together. You may not really like the same things no matter how young at heart your love interest is. Say music for instance you may like contemporary pop and he prefers classical music. This could get awkward if you get what I mean there will always be that generation difference. You may not like the same kind of gatherings; you may also not feel cool to take him to hang out with your friends. If he or she is lots older you are always going to draw attention if people see you both in public doing what lovers do like hold hands or kissing etc.

It might be exciting or flattering when an older person gets interested in you but I think it is wiser to think about it very carefully before you decide to step in.

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Kathrine has had a platonic relationship with an old school friend Peter (not his real name) from her university days for several years but recently has developed deeper feelings for him. They are both single but her guess is that he may be wanting more from her too but it is still only a guess . She is afraid anything new may spoil the beautiful friendship they have shared for years. But she really likes him and she is not sure what to do next.

What do you think Kathrine should do next? How would she motivate her friend to want more than being just friends with her? This question was posed to me so I decided to share my advice with you.

Being stuck in a friendship and wanting more can be a frustrating situation. Dele another friend is in the same situation. He confided his situation with a female friend Janet. He has known her for over a year now. They are colleagues at work, they spend their lunch break together very often, and he often buys her gifts, listens to all her woes about their boss and other colleagues. He helps her whenever she is broke generally providing for her that shoulder she can always lean on. But that seems all Janet wants. Janet never seems to see him beyond those things. She seems to be very comfortable because she has all her boy friend needs met by her boy friend and her friendship needs met by him. She is not ready for anything to change.

For me every relationship is like a negotiation. To get more out of what you have you have to re negotiate that friendship. I believe the best thing for Kathrine to do is to step away from the friendship she has with her friend Peter for a while and get a bit scarce. When she is not around again as much there would be a sense of loss that her friend Peter would feel. This would stimulate a desire for her in his heart. Also she could try tempting him and getting him somewhat jealous by suddenly getting intimate with other friends and colleagues and ignore him a bit. This always works when you want to get attention from a friend who has either neglected you or is beginning to take your friendship for granted.

In the case of Dele he could stop doing for Janet everything he has been doing for her and begin to ask her to do him favors instead. This will make her to wake up from the comfortable situation he has put her before now and force her to see what she has lost and show more commitment to the friendship. He should no longer ignore many of the things he allowed her to get away with he should not allow her use him anymore. This will make her become aware that things have changed and if she needs the friendship back it would have to be renegotiated and the terms of the new friendship would be different. She would have to give more than she has been used to giving.

Anyone facing this issue can chose to ignore the above suggestions and chose to take the direct route and go straight to the point and ask the person they want to become more than friends with out. Asking the person out for a real date could be a pleasant surprise or a sudden kiss or something but remember your friend might prefer to remain just friends with you and nothing more. In respect of your friendship you should allow their decision stand.

4Clique is the place to meet new people at all times in case your old friendships or relationships are not working so remember to take advantage of this opportunity. So what do you think Kathrine or Dele should do to get the attention they need? Write in and let us know.



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Letting go of a relationship when it is over can be a very painful experience for many people but with time and continuous effort the feeling of pain and depression fades and it is then possible to move on. Most heartbroken partners meet new prospects and start new and hopefully more fulfilling relationships. However for some few other people letting go and accepting the relationship is over is near impossible. It is for this second category of people this article is written to let them know that social networking/dating sites like 4clique are there to help people from broken relationships meet new people and start over again.
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Not being able to let go and move on is simply due to a very low self esteem says South African psychologist Jenni Avidon. This behavior is most common in women than men she says. Some women have been known to become suicidal after the end of a relationship which they believed so much would be permanent. Some go into deep seated depression and erratic uncontrolled behavior feeling their lives have come to an end. Stella an attractive business woman in her mid twenties followed John everywhere for several weeks after their affair of two years was suddenly terminated by him for some undisclosed reason. She became a laughing stock to their mutual friends everywhere even on Facebook because of the way she was carrying on. She was completely devastated. She just couldn’t understand what happened and she didn’t know how to accept it was over and continue her life without him. She was on the phone calling him twenty four hours and sending him endless SMS until he stopped picking her calls and finally blocked her number. She told her friends, she just didn’t care about her self esteem; she just wanted her lover back.

Some men have been known to get really brutal when rejected like this. Temi a third year law student disclosed her ex boyfriend hit her and made a public spectacle of her where ever he saw her for several weeks after they broke up making her life a living hell. It got so bad that she stopped going to school. It took her family reporting to the police to get him to leave her alone and move on. One would think that in a world full of people to go into relationships with such behavior should be very rare but it is surprisingly common says Cecille a psychologist. She says some people who don’t go all psychotic after a breakup, harassing their ex, begging, pleading hounding and traumatizing them simply withdraw into themselves and carry that bitterness and resentment and even viciousness and vengefulness into their next relationship making the next person they meet suffer a lot for their past hurt.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. The best thing is to help yourself get over the relationship. It is okay to grieve over a broken heart or a lost love but it is very unwise to let that take over your life. Don’t seat down poring over pictures, memories and paraphernalia from the lost relationship. Make a supreme effort to put everything behind you and move on.

Make a move to start dating again. The right person could help you forget your misfortune. 4clique is a great place to meet lots of interesting new people. Try going on a vacation to new places you have never visited before, or join a club or a gym or start taking class in an area you are interested in. Do anything that would take your mind slowly from the lost relationship. At least it will be far better than boring and troubling people will recounts or replays of your lost relationship. If anything it will help you keep your self esteem as you search for a more suitable person.


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Jerry Springer’s show, ‘Baggage’ is sure fun to watch; a family entertainment show of people disclosing their gross past or negative part of their personality in baggage that would be revealed among three people until only one of them remains to be matched to a single opposite sex, whose baggage would also be revealed to determine a match.

Let’s take it a little beyond entertainment and extract the didactic message in such a show. Every human being had some queer personality or unsettling past that we often tuck away in some dark recess of our lives. And then when this hidden part pops up, our new relationship could likely be rocked by this ‘baggage’ that the other person finds quite unsettling.

Some people are secretly married but promising you love; some are addicts to computers or games; some would expect you to love their pets too; or put up fake Facebook accounts to monitor their partners; and some still keep platonic relationships with their exes. It is of varying range what is held in each person’s baggage. However, there is often a baggage in everyone’s life.

Although it is not wise to lay bare your burden before a new person you are meeting, as this could scare him/her away, or to start rambling away at every chance you get of your ex. But it is wise to be frank with your partner by letting your baggage be known to each other. These baggage are the other sides of us the other may likely find unusual if s/he later found out. Besides, your major aim is not to reveal your secrets; the major thing about baggage is to know if you can date the other person warts and all.

No matter how hard it is, habits or behaviors you are not sure the other person might find comfy should be shared, or otherwise you are being selfish and so want the other person irrespective of the compatibility possibility.

Our visceral fear however, is often not to lose this new person we are just meeting and besides, most people cannot handle the truth. But there is a deep sense of feeling we have when we know we have met the right person… deeper than just a fling. And if after bringing forth your baggage and that other person finds it too burdensome or you find the other person’s baggage too much of an irritation to bear, don’t sweat it… neither of you is for any of you. Join 4clique today and meet that special person!



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Falling in love is an amazing thing. Something we all pray for but sometimes it can get so overwhelming and the passion so strong it leaves us very little time or space for sober reflections. Before we know it we are very seriously committed or even at the verge of saying “I do”. If you are in a very serious relationship, please pause for a while before you continue and ask yourself these very serious questions. Love is very amazing but you cannot build a fulfilling life with your partner on love alone. Use your head too and not your heart alone. Consider these questions honestly especially if you are considering a life time commitment like marriage. The answers you give to these questions will probably help you know if you are on the right track. Here are the questions.

Do you trust your partner?

Trust is very hard to build but very easy to break. Yet it is the bedrock of every relationship. Does your partner do what he says he will do? As in does he keep his word? Does he think of you before making his decisions? Does he cherish and seek your opinion? Are his decisions considerate towards you and your welfare? Do you think he has been completely honest with you about himself and all the information you have received from him so far. Don’t over look the answers to these questions.

Do you respect your partner?

Does your partner have traits, qualities, skills and attributes you admire? Have you chosen a mate who manages opportunities well? Who sees a challenge as an opportunity to prove himself? Does he have a character you can respect or are you just closing your eyes to some obvious bad character traits and making do in the name of love?

happy-black-coupleIs he generous?

How far is he willing to go to give you pleasure and happiness? How much assistance does he give you? How kind is he towards you? Does he sacrifice his needs for yours when it matters? Is he forgiving? Does he give to you as much as you give to him or are you the only one doing all the sacrificing and all the giving? You need to take note of all the answers you gave here.

Is he grateful?

If you have not seen your partner showing gratitude for any of the things anybody did for him chances are he will not appreciate you. Does he show gratitude with words, deeds or gestures? Does he value your acts of kindness and thoughtfulness towards him and the relationship? Are you overlooking his lack of or show of gratitude? Gratitude and appreciation are the oil that oils the wheels of love in any relationship.

Do you have similar goals?

Sharing a common purpose in life binds lovers. Know what is best for you by being in a relationship with someone that has a lot in common with you. Ask yourself this, are we really compatible? Do you both have the same mindset? Do you have similar values and views about things, like in the area of spending or saving money etc? .Does he manage his extended family well or does he give in to their every whim at your expense?

Love and happiness is the product of a good relationship and it is built over time. So take your time and ask yourself these questions be very honest with yourself it will tell you where your relationship is going.

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Who qualifies to be the greatest cheat, the man or the woman? Society for very long has got us believing that the man is more likely to be the one to cheat in a relationship than the woman. But is this true? Are most of our societal beliefs about women wrong? Are women finally revealing the fact that women are as much likely to cheat in a relationship as men? Statistics are showing that at least even the girls most people consider as “good girls” have cheated while in a relationship at least once. This might sound scandalous but it is true. Girls cheat as much as men if not more than men these days.
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This is not to say that every woman would have cheated at some point in her life or in her relationship. The fact still remains that some women cheat and some never cheat all, all their lives. But the issue at stake is that more women are now more likely to cheat so easily on their partners than ever before. Why is this now the case? Are women that easy to trick or are they getting more confused and unwise?

Well fact is that women around the world have more going for them these days. They are more exposed to the liberated cultures of the west more so these days than was previously the case. Via television and the internet several of them have acquired attitudes and traits from western role models from television shows and movies. These popular stars loved and watched by women around the world are often of questionable character. The pressure is to look and act likes them. These stars and several reality shows they follow religiously cheapen their view on sex, morality and fidelity and end up influencing their moral choices. Also the internet and social media is not helping matters. They make it easier to hook up with any category of people for any reason of your choice. There are loads of social sites, hook up sites, dating sites etc on the Web. A woman is lonely now only if she chooses to be.

The modern woman these days is very bold and fearless and is not restricted in living out her wishes and desires. But the woman is still traditionally the weaker sex. Women are easier to be influenced emotionally and to get than men no matter that they are the ones to play initially hard to get. In the end they always fall for the girlfriend stealer who knows the right trick to play on them. Women form emotional bonds very fast. They love the man who can give them emotional support that shoulders to lean on. A woman who moves out side of her relationship and cheats on her partner would very easily deceive herself that her attraction for the new guy is love. The truth is women have stronger emotional needs than men, they are consciously or unconsciously in search of that relationship that would satisfy those emotional needs, So they fall in love and out of love very easily depending on if they are getting those needs met or not. A man can remain in love with his partner but cheat on her out of sexual excitability because he does not have very strong emotional needs as the woman but he could have very strong sexual needs. A woman’s emotional need is to be loved, be appreciated thought as beautiful, held in high esteem, desired, and showered with material gifts and flattery. She keeps moving trying to get these needs satisfied and ends up sleeping with people she didn’t plan to.

Several women these days are upwardly mobile like the men folk, working on careers, fighting for promotions and privileges, running businesses and heading organizations. This is a very good age for women. They are getting not only more powerful but having more feeling of being able to achieve anything they want .This feeling is what gives some women the freedom to explore their sexuality as freely as their male counterparts .This is very common among the senior single girls. Not only this, women have been said to cheat for the dumbest reasons. It could be being in too close contact with someone of the opposite sex, not being able to resist material temptations, not being able to say no, low self appreciation or low self esteem, to get back at their partners for cheating, for not getting enough attention from her beau etc. whatever is the case they are proving that the scale is tilting towards women being equal cheaters as men these days.



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At a point in our lives, we might often have come across phrases like ‘Oh he is from so…so…place,’ or ‘People from such and such ethnicity are so.’ Thus the question need be asked whether tribe or ethnicity has effect on how we run our relationship with others. We cannot rule out the power of social influence in determining our outlook to life. Ibo girls are often regarded as being money-conscious, Yoruba girls are said to be too loose, Ibo men are considered too crude, African men generally are tagged as being unromantic and Calabar folks are seen as insatiable nymphos. No matter how we look at it or which class of people, something is attached to them negatively…even whites (Caucasians) are said to be so emotionally fraught a gun is the pill to settle love scores.

First question is thus, where is that ethnic class of people that are without any negative comment really? None. Whether an Ewe, Idoma, Hausa or Birom, there is always something to be said about a people. Secondly, how come such cross-ethnic relationships are still on the rise, than even what we had in the past, especially here in Nigeria? This xenophobic mentality, I believe, was a trait inherited from past generations who found anything beyond the ordinary a threat to their social mentality and deserving jingoistic scoffs. Even among the Yoruba or Ibo or any such large tribes, one would still find cases of a dude from Ibadan discriminated by those from Abeokuta and someone from Imo could be at the mercy of someone from Enugu or vice versa.

As much as it is easy to say an individual should not be judged by tribe, we should also not forget that sometimes the individual allows the tribe to lay upon him/her a kind of siege whereby he hence finds himself bending to tribal sway. An Ibo girl could fall victim to the harassment in her society whereby she sees Kelechi hanging out with a man who spends lavishly on her, thus our Ibo girl could then begin harassing her low-income-earner man to do what his mates are doing. An Ibo guy could also chose to do what his mates are doing, be it ritual or yahoo plus, to be in the trend of a society that judges you with the SUV you drive or the mansion erected in your hometown…ostensibly falling victim to societal influence unconsciously.

Unlike the more traditionally strict Ibo society, the southwest Yoruba are more liberal with tradition and this is obvious when it comes to marriage as it is commonly said by them, ‘we don’t sell our girls.’ This female liberty could be abused if a girl falls into a circle of friends no better than a pack of gaggling geese. Friends who talk nothing but excessive partying, damning your guy’s decision, behaving like ‘yea, I can still go back to my parent or leave you’ without a care in the world, or even enjoying life by cheating.

There is also talks that the white man is better than an African; why? Because God planted a chip in some race and not in others? No. It is still the influence of society. Not like the physiological keratin of skin color that a race has and another does not. Love is something we build, romance is an art or skill developed overtime and can be done by any man Hindi, black or red. The fact is the developed society is not as harsh on the mentality than the society the average African finds himself…don’t be fooled by the African who drives an SUV, society is also taking its toll on him/her..

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Gifts bring a lot of excitement into a relationship. If given from the heart they are gestures that can transform any relationship and move it to the next level. Don’t wait for birthdays or special occasions to give your loved one a gift because the best gifts are the ones you gave spontaneously. You know, those little out of the blues surprise gifts you get from your loved one when you least expect them are the ones you value most of all. They fill you with so much love and affection for your partner. This is because you weren’t expecting anything but you were given something. They make you know you occupy a special place in your partner’s heart. Here are some gift ideas that will leave your partner smiling.

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SOME QUALITY TIME
We usually give gifts that we would love to receive ourselves but it is much better to find something we know our partner would truly love and appreciate and give it to them as a special gift especially when they least expect it. Give your partner something you know he or she has been longing for, for a very long time. Perhaps she has been longing for some quality time with you, perhaps to go to that new mall that just opened or that new eatery that all her friends have been talking about or a movie and you just didn’t have the time. As an unexpected gift, take her somewhere on the spur of the moment where you can both be together and give her you’re your undivided attention.

A LISTENING EAR
Give your partner this special gift always. The gift of actually being there for them. Actually lending a listening ear and making them feel they matter. This is because it is common in relationships these days to become so absorbed or busy with daily living we lose communication or connection with our loved one. Sometimes we don’t really understand them anymore or see where they are coming from. For a change and as a gift make that specially effort to try to understand your partner. Listen when they try to express their feelings or experience or fears or anxiety don’t cut them short or brush them aside. Don’t take whatever they say for granted.

THE GIFT OF GRACE
As our relationship progress we tend to start taking a lot for granted. The newness of the relationship being no longer there the tendency is to unconsciously over look the needs of our partner. Everything becomes common place in many relationships after a few months. We begin to say or do anything and often hurt our loved one. Give your partner the grace of returning things to the way they were in the beginning. Learn to be more careful and concerned and more ready to forgive. Be gentle in your approach towards them.

PHYSICAL TOUCH
Holding hands, quick hugs, putting your arms around each other, kisses a shoulder massage a backrub etc are all little intimate signs of love and affection that cost nothing but bring refreshment to your relationship especially if you didn’t have it going on much before. As a gift bring them back into your relationship and surprise your partner. Nothing says I love you better than hugs and kisses



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We live in a world these days full of unhappy people, many of these people are particularly dissatisfied with their love lives. Divorce rates are at an all time rise all over the world and there is almost no family these days you can’t find a broken marriage. Young people too are also reporting alarming rates of relationship breakups, unhappiness and loneliness. Why this the case? Several researchers explain that several people interviewed or used as case study did not show adequate understanding of the difference between love and lust. Several when asked consider love to be something like having a strong attraction for someone and finding that person overwhelmingly desirable, being preoccupied with thoughts of the person and constantly wanting to be with that person. But this does not describe love at all. It actually describes lust instead. What is the difference between these two L words?

Lust is an immediate overwhelming physical attraction for someone which is primarily driven by our hormones. Lust leaves you overwhelmed by someone’s physical appearance or body part. It makes us find someone so irresistible we just have to have that person for just that selfish reason. For example that beautiful girl with the big boobs, you can get so filled with thoughts of how she must look without her clothes that you don’t care about anything else. You know next to nothing about her, how she thinks, talks or behaves and honestly you don’t care to know. You finally get into a relationship with her or even marry her and suddenly everything crashes. This is because your relationship had no basis in the first place. There are lots of people that feel that way about someone they met. A lot of office love affairs developed that way or campus love affairs or people we met at a party or a club. It is usually Instant attractions that usually fizzle out once the initial curiosity is satisfied.

Love on the contrary is far deeper and develops much more slowly than lust. With love there is a deeper connection. You actually see a future with this person she is just not a person you pick up for sex after a drunken spree on Friday night with your guy friends. She is someone you respect and have special consideration for. Someone you feel protective about. It is not a flash in the pan emotion. Love is a long term affection for someone which has taken a long time and a lot of tests to build. Love always stands the test of time and events.

A girl dating her immediate superior in her office is thinking seriously of ending her relationship complaining so bitterly to her friends, “ He never seems to have any time to talk, not that we ever had much to talk about right from the beginning anyway other than get into bed and get out.”He seems to have more time for his guy friends and drinking pals than he has for her. She was getting tired of his excuses. He always had such good reasons why he has to get away fast. He loves her, or at least he loves the way she looks or maybe he loves the things they do when they are together. She wasn’t sure she knew anymore. Now she is regretting leaving someone that truly adored her for him. But then in the beginning she could not resist the way he looked either. This is lust. Lust always comes with lots of regrets and it never lasts.




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Franca cannot really say when she stopped trusting Femi her partner of over two years. It all started so suddenly. Maybe the inability to trust was always inside her somewhere, something she carried over from other relationships that broke as a result of cheating ,or maybe It started when she stumbled on some curious text messages from a female in Femi’s phone and some airtime numbers sent to the same number.She knew the number belonged to a female because on the spur of the moment she dialed the number and a female voice answered and the voice did’t sound like anyone she knew because she was pretty sure she knew all the significant people in Femi’s life or so she thought. She asked Femi and as she was almost sure he would he denied it confirming all her worst fears. To her shock and anger all the text messages and numbers were all gone when they searched the phone together. Deleted by the very same man she assumed she knew all there was to know about him in the two years they had been dating. Suddenly in a twinkle of an eye everything she knew and loved in the relationship was gone. Happiness, peace and security just flew out of the window. Nothing was ever the same again. She couldn’t get herself to trust him anymore. Each time she couldn’t find him, she was sure he was up to no good. All the safety, security, love and friendship she thought she had suddenly left, replaced by anger, anxiety, disrespect etc which she couldn’t help or control. She began to spy on his every movement and detail. His cell phone, emails, Facebook etc. Overnight she became a cop. Femi of cause wouldn’t stand for that. Then the fights started the name calling, the arguments, and the questioning sessions. “Where have you been?” blah! blah ! blah. That finally broke the camel’s back. Before they knew it the relationship was over.

Does this sound familiar? This story is very common place. It happens all the time. Things happen in relationships and trust is lost sometimes forever. All sorts of things can cause a breach of trust. Perhaps a partner lies a lot and ends up exasperating his mate. A woman confessed that lying is the reason she cannot get herself to believe her partner whole hearted anymore. He lies about everything she says just to get away from taking responsibility even about his rent. Again perhaps lying is not the issue it could be abuse of some sort, it could be taking your mate for granted or out of neglect. Anyhow once distrust creeps into a relationship it is almost certain to kill that relationship. The way termites get into wood and eat it up until it collapses. This is because trust is the bedrock, the foundation any relationship is built on. Losing trust in a relationship is like knocking the bottom or the foundation off the relationship.
Black-Couple-Arguing-pointing
Things I know will definitely make things worse when trust is broken are firstly if the guilty party withdraws into himself or herself and refuse to show remorse. Some people do this when they offend leaving their partners frustrated and angry. Secondly, if the guilty party now gets more angry than the offended and throws tantrums and cause more confusion and hurt.

I don’t know anything that works better than giving a sincere apology when you break the trust of your partner somehow. Some people never go into themselves and discover the real reason for their offense and resolve never to repeat it. Often they buy expensive gifts and express surface remorse only to fall back into that same crime at the slightest provocation. I believe in going straight to the point and apologizing to your partner. Tell him the truth, cut out the excuses and lies and don’t make your partner feel he or she had some part to play for your misbehavior. Like trying to blame your partner for your infidelity.

How much truth do you tell in your attempt to make things better? I have a friend that believes telling the whole truth in a bad situation can only make things worse. To him giving graphic details in the spirit of telling the truth for example in the case of cheating can only hurt your partner more and do more damage to the relationship .He advocates you tell the truth with care. Well I don’t know about that but denying and telling lies to your partner when you are caught cheating will definitely do more damage in my honest opinion. Truth always has a way of slipping out in the end. I feel it is better you tell the truth when you are guilty and prepare yourself to face the full consequences of your actions like a grown up. Even if your mate does not forgive you immediately he or she may respect the fact that at least you told them the truth and you were willing to take responsibility for your actions. That may help a bit to perhaps start the process of rebuilding things. Being defensive righteous or casual about the situation will make your partner angrier and more pissed off. No one likes being treated like a fool or like he or she is imagining things. If there is a problem there is a problem. Taking your partner’s feelings for granted or waving aside his or her accusations, complaints or fears would only make things worse. You must make sincere efforts to work out the issues raised by your aggrieved partner if you want things to be normal. You have to be ready to work to create the environment that would eventually bring your partner’s trust back. This may take awhile so that if it doesn’t work you will know you tried all your best to mend things.



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There is nothing as bad as stabbing your best friend in the back especially over a girl. People say that is what you do when you date your best friend’s ex. Everyone I asked except for some mischievous ones seemed to be of the opinion that it is a thing that should never be done.

Is there an exception to the rule?

One guy says it is as nasty as dating your best friend’s sister. It could be done but why bother to get yourself into the complications and bad feelings it is definitely going to generate between you and your best friend. There are lots of girls out there waiting to be conquered he says so why bother with one already conquered by your best friend. I am tempted to agree with him. Chances are as is often the case that your friend and his ex may still have left over feelings for each other and things could get messy. You could lose your friendship with your best friend which took you many years to build.

Love can be foolish or do I rather say, we can be foolish in love some times. Someone I talked to said something that interested me. He said “you never know who you will fall in love with but still there is a code of ethics in friendship, if you are a true friend you won’t date your best friend’s ex. In Africa he says a best friend is like a brother. You don’t do things like that to a brother.” He is absolutely right Sometimes you really don’t want it to happen but somehow it happens anyway.

So what if you genuinely fall in love with your best friend’s ex girlfriend and she genuinely want to be with you. What is to be done then? Under what circumstance is it okay to pursue your friend’s former love interest?
I would genuinely say never another person said. If you notice such relationships never last long. He says. “Often the strain of trying to hide it from your friend would kill it. Besides you will always feel guilty because you know that you are breaking trust with your friend. Is anyone worth losing the love and trust of your best friend?” There should never be any circumstance that should permit a good friend to date his friend’s ex. To me it is a form of betrayal.” I agree with him completely. I feel it is a situation if not carefully handled can do damage and hurt those involved greatly. Your friend’s ex should be off limits to you.

Why am I saying this? It is because Feelings don’t die easily. Many times it is hard to completely get over someone we loved and shared so much with. We always still have many memories from the time we shared. So when we break up with our lover and try to move on we expect all our friends to move on with us in the direction we are heading especially our most intimate friend- our best friend. We do not expect him to go backwards and begin to try to own what we left behind. It will hurt and break trust. This is because we may still feel that our ex belongs to us somehow at least her memory still belongs to us. Even if we are no longer dating a part of our ex still remains with us. It would be very hurtful for our friends to disrespect this fact. It is too weird and complicated for a good friend to leave all the girls in the world to go for a friend’s ex especially knowing how his friends feel about his ex. No good friend would do that.

Relationship expert Karen Sherman agrees. She says the only time it might be okay is if your friend has moved on to another relationship” But she still insists that even if the two have split emotions take a while to heal so it is unlikely the friend is going to be okay with it. Atwood another specialist says, “If you decide to pursue the ex, you should be prepared to lose the friendship… It is best to look for love somewhere else.”

We would love to know how you feel. Has this ever happened to you or anyone you know? Is it ever acceptable to date a friend’s ex?




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Am sure every girl in a serious relationship can identify with some of the things am about to say here. Usually we meet our guy and fall in love and everything seems perfect. We are in heaven except for one tiny little thing .Initially it is a tiny little thing but that tiny little thing is really not that tiny because it is the only thing that makes our happiness not so complete. Initially we try to ignore it and try to live with it. But with the passage of time it becomes not such a little thing anymore and we cannot ignore it any more –then we begin to attempt to do what we have been told several times never to do in a relationship. We begin to attempt to change him. Take it from me; it is a very harrowing experience. It would leave you exhausted and miserable except you try to get over the fact that you can never cure him of that thing. Am not talking of his ever forgetting to lift the toilet seat to pee or never cleaning up after himself. Here are some specific things in my opinion I think you will have a miserable time trying to cure your guy of.


If he is a football buff, forget it. No way is he going to leave his football for you. It is not possible. Just plan your life around his football fanaticism. Just get used to watching his sports Channels when you would rather be watching something else. Let him have his football and all the things that go with it. He has to watch all the matches of his club side with his friends of course and he expects you to come along. Lord help you if you hate football. Just go along and pray his club side wins each time they play. If he is too into his club you have to learn also to cope with his depression or anger tantrums if his club side doesn’t win.


If he is a beer guzzler you can’t change that easily .My friend simply told me ‘I drink’ right from the very first few conversations I had with him. “Everybody in my family drinks” and he told me clearly “Don’t go there.” I love you but things I can never change for you is- cut my hair or not drink my beer or change my religion so don’t even try. You catch my drift. If you drink beer yourself, the best you can do is agree with him that both of you never go beyond a certain number of bottles or cans at each sitting. Nothing would ever appeal to him more than his cold sweating bottle of beer not even choice wine. Trust me I know.


This might sound rather strange but it is happening. If your guy Still goes frequently to his mom for his meals, to pay many of his bills, to get his laundry done etc then your guy is a mummy’s boy. You are going to have a tough time getting him to leave this comfort zone and grow up. Expect lots of issues because he is going to seek his mother’s approval for everything. He must seek approval from his mom before he even gets to be very serious with you on anything. He dates only women his mum like. He is likely to break with you any time if the relationship between you and his mum change. You can’t come between a man and his mommy no matter how old he is. She will always make him feel guilty if he does something she does not want. He will always want to please his mother.


If he is a couch potato you probably cannot change him. A couch potato is a person who spends much time sitting or lying down usually watching television or reading. In other words a couch potato is a lazy person. He may not want to do anything else after work or during weekends but just lay on the settee and surf channels or chat with his online friends .Getting him to get up to get some certain things done will always be an uphill task. There will always be lots of friction between the two of you from conflict of interest especially if you are choleric and like getting a lot of things done. The best you can do is to join him on some days you have less to do and just stay around doing nothing but eat snacks and watch television as a bribe for him to join you in something else more interesting to you.

A woman said I have been in a relationship for years, with a mama’s boy, couch potato and sports freak wrapped in one. She says “ your guy will always be as you see him now so open your eyes, wake up, he will never change….he can’t change he will only become more of what he is. If you don’t like what you see move on.” I think she has hit the nail on the head.



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Imagine this scenario. For a while you have been writing in your diary about your relationship. All the good things and the bad things especially all the things you do not like in your boy friend. You are being explicit about these things because you are weighing the pro and cons of remaining in the relationship and all the odds are in favor of you breaking up the relationship. Not only that because it is your personal diary you have written a lot of personal stuff meant for your eyes only. You have been hiding the diary because of its sensitive content but suddenly here is your boy friend standing in front of you, your diary in his hand and you can’t explain how he found it. What would you do? Tell me, how would you wriggle out of such a situation especially since you can see on his face he has read every single thing inside the diary?

Another thing, would you let your boy friend on your own read your diary or journal? Below is what some girls said.

A girl said “I am a quiet reserved person in real life but in my diary I talk a lot and tell all my feelings and thoughts. I feel if my boyfriend reads my diary he may not understand a whole lot of things. He may misunderstand the motives or intentions behind some of them. I know it is possible that his reading my diary could bring us closer together because he could read things I don’t like and probably have not had the courage to tell him. But I still prefer to keep my diary to myself”.

Another girl Mary says “Yes. I will allow my boyfriend to read not only my diary or my journal but my text messages and emails and even receive my calls when am not available because I don’t want him to think am hiding anything from him. In love people have to be sincere to each other.

But the next girl disagreed strongly with Mary she insists firmly, “Don’t let your boyfriend know your secret. He could use it against you and that won’t be nice for you. He could blackmail you with it. It is good to keep you some mystery to yourself.”

Her friend agrees with her. She says our diaries are our secret space. It won’t be called your diary would it if you have to share it with other people no matter how close they are to you. You shouldn’t be letting your boyfriend into your diary just so he may see some things you don’t like and maybe change, that is childish. You should be matured enough to tell him those things yourself. Besides she continues, there are some secret things you may have written there some time ago and forgotten that could do your relationship a lot of damage if he were to find out. How would you be able to explain those things out to him?

Someone says, “I will be extremely careful. Maybe I will just show him a few entries” Her friend screams. NO WAY!

There are probably things you wrote in that diary that is tagged FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. So folks what do you think?

For me I would be too scared to let my partner into my diary. My diary is too personal. It is the only place I can say whatever I want or need to say without fear of consequences. It is a place I could let out my negative thoughts it is my own personal place to vent out all my feelings. That does not mean I don’t love my boo but I just can’t. It is going to make me feel so naked and vulnerable and I won’t like that. The only way I could is may be if I could seat right beside him and chose the entries he could read or explain all the sensitive entries to him etc. Nah!! .That just won’t do.


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It is a popular saying that everybody can be bought over; all you need to do is find the right price. Does this apply to women? Some say all women can be bought. Others say some women not all are more likely than others to be bought over and cheat on their boyfriends. I don’t know what view you hold but here are five types of women I know in my opinion are most likely to cheat on their boyfriends.

HER GIRL FRIENDS CHEAT – If she has one or two girlfriends who are cheating on their partners without much remorse, she is very likely to cheat on you too. Don’t underestimate the power of peer pressure. Your woman can be slowly persuaded or brain washed to try someone else behind your back especially if her friends don’t particularly like you or feel she could be with someone better than you. If they feel you have not been giving their friend a good deal, they will pressure her to meet someone else and she may give in.

SHE IS MATERIALISTIC – A materialistic woman is very likely to go behind your back and have an affair with a rich man for all the good things he can give her especially if you are not able to do so. This is where friends come in again. If her friends patronize sugar daddies she is mostly to join them. She can easily be seduced with jewelry, clothes, lavish secret vacations or cash to buy expensive things.

SHE LOVES EXCITEMENT – Lots of girls are like that these days. They love to party, club, go on night outings etc. It is not to say that clubbing, partying etc is such a bad thing but if your girl loves it excessively is very likely to fall easy prey to strange men with big cars and money who can pay for such past times. They will entice her away from you especially if that is not your lifestyle. She will cheat on you because she may feel she is missing out on all the fun her friends or other people are having. The temptation would be too great for her because she loves excitement. She is very likely to find that fun occasionally or always without you knowing about it.

SHE HAS A HIGHER SEX DRIVE – If your girl has a higher sex drive than you she will most likely be tempted to cheat on you especially if she does not think you are very good in the bedroom department. It is very likely that even out of curiosity she could try another man outside the relationship to make up for your deficiency. This might be very hard to swallow but women like men love to be satisfied sexually too. If they are not there is the strong possibility they would be tempted to seek satisfaction elsewhere.

SHE HAS CHEATED BEFORE – A woman who has cheated before while in a relationship and got away with it or does not feel emotionally connected to her partner is very likely to cheat again if the right person comes along. In her mind she is not connected to love. She can fall easy prey to men that flatter and distract her from her relationship which she does not think is worth it or a relationship she finds very monotonous or boring.

If you have any of the above mentioned types of women as a partner am afraid you stand a very great chance of being cheated on so you best beware.


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A Psychologist Robert Sternberg broke down true love into three parts. He says if you have these three components in your relationship you can gladly say to any one you have true love.

PASSION

This is physical and sexual attraction. You are like Wow!! You can’t get enough of this person. You might see stars, angels, hear music, feel butterflies in your stomach everything nice etc. It is hard to explain the feeling you have when you initially meet someone you really like and both of you hit it off. The feeling is overwhelming. At this stage we tend to be very affectionate and demonstrative about our feelings for each other and we cannot get enough of each other. Most people assume this initial attraction is what love is all about but according to Sternberg it is not. It is just part of being in love. Many times it could also be mere infatuation or lustful love that could fizzle out in time. In this early stage it is hard to say if it is true love. It is so common for most people here to cling to only words professing love or demonstrations of affection as a major sign that they are truly loved by their partner. Often they over look a whole lot more deeper and more sustaining things that reveal the true state of their partner’s minds towards them until their euphoria (because that is what it usually is) encounters a problem and they are forced to go into deeper thought about their partner and their relationship.

INTIMACY

This is the emotional connection part. Emotional connection is that thing you have with your partner that makes him appreciate you beyond anyone else and you him. It sets you both apart in each other’s eyes and hearts, makes you both want to commit to only each other, and feel you are the only one for each other. If you don’t have this connection it cannot be true love. It is important to note that you can be in a relationship without there being an emotional connection between you and your partner. A man for instance can have an intense attraction and a steamy relationship with a woman without having any emotional feelings for her. He does not in any way want to own her or be part of her life. But for a woman he feels an emotional connection with, he is restless until she belongs to him. He wants her, her respect, love, affection, admiration etc. He wants to be part of her life and wants her to hold him in higher esteem than any other man in her life. If things are not this way in your relationship you are just having a fling.

COMMITMENT

This is the ability to stay connected no matter what happens. This is working through misunderstandings and quarrels and hurts and still sticking together. This is believing in each other and not suspecting prejudging and criticizing each other. This is the hard part of every relationship. It is the test of true love. It is working positively to resolve issues. For a couple to say they have found true love they must be very strong in this area. They must have both decided consciously to pursue the relationship no matter what. It is what true relationship is made of. Loving and sticking to that one person even if they grow fat, sick, ugly, poor. You cannot of course as a person agree with everything but you agree to be there for them no matter how things turn out.

True love must have all three of these components. Having one or two of these components means your relationship is sick and needs help. For instance feeling only physical attraction for your mate but no emotional connection and having no commitment towards him or having emotional feelings for your guy but having physical stirrings for some other person are both signs of a sick relationship. I am sure you will agree with me. So there you have it folks. It is up to you now to decide if what you have going on in your life with your partner is true love.

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So you have this girl you think you have fallen and she doesn’t know you exist? There is nothing to worry about it is natural. It happens that way often. Sometimes we get to like someone so much we can’t wait for them to know us and like us back. We literally want to dive in and just take them by storm and get them to notice us by force. Sometimes if we happen to have their numbers we get to texting and calling them until we run the risk of getting blocked and achieving exactly the opposite of what we hoped to achieve. At other times we are all over the place, flaunting ourselves and we get so ridiculous we become tagged the clown. That is really not the way to go about things. Luckily there are more matured ways to go about getting noticed without running the risk of being called childish or primitive. Here are some steps you could take. Hopefully you would get both her attention and affection

You’ve got to do some home work first. You’ve got to know what you want. It pays to know what you really want before you start anything with anybody. It could possibly be that that you really like her and would want to be just friends with her not lovers. It is not everyone you really like that is suitable to go into a relationship with. Some people are great as just good friends.

Making major changes just to impress a girl is dumb because you can’t keep it up in the long run. It is not even necessary because she will get to know who you really are later anyway so just make it minor. Taking care of your appearance if you have never been that kind of person is a good idea. Everyone likes a good dresser, especially if they are confident about themselves and carry themselves well.

Try to establish a basic friendship without bugging her. This can be done slowly. You can start finding great opportunities to be near her and starting conversation with her without making demands or asking her out. You know, times Just talking to her. Being friends first will make things more favorable and pave the way for when you finally ask her out. It gives her the opportunity to get to know you as a person and perhaps like you. If she decides she does not want to be in a relationship with you later on, you could at least remain good friends. Whatever you do don’t get on her nerves. Just try to talk to her briefly whenever you see her.

You can begin to Show her a few obvious signs you like her when you know she is now comfortable with you being around her. You can be friendly with her friends too. Being friendly and nice to a few of her friends will help your reputation. They are bound to talk about you and compare notes. Girls do that a lot. It will pay off if they all had favorable comments to make about you. If her friends like you and don’t think you are a dangerous guy she is bound to like you too.

Now comes the time to make the romantic move. Don’t go into this yet if you are not yet sure she really fully likes you or you would only be making a fool of yourself. She would laugh at you with her friends. If you are sure she is comfortable with you and she probably likes you and her friends think you are cute, find out the things she likes and surprise her with it. You could also find out her birthday and give her a surprise, or give her an unexpected gift, take her out for a meal or a show. Girls love things like that your profile will grow but whatever you do don’t ask her out on the same day or she would think that is the only reason for your romantic gesture. Don’t make crude jokes or crude sexual comments when you are together, be smooth girls consider that matured. Whenever you are with her just be in your best behavior or you will turn her off or scare her away completely and you can’t afford that. Also don’t forget to compliment her often girls love compliments. She will really think you are a cool nice guy. Don’t appear to be trying too hard to though.

It is time to ask her out only when you are positive she is 100% attracted to you. She would accept you only if she really likes you and considers you a possible mate. If she does not want or like you, your asking her out would probably ruin everything and all your chances of dating her or even being friends with her. So get her to like you first. Good luck.
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Why do we presume we have found the love of our life and then suddenly the excitement is not there as when we started? Then we ask ourselves if it were love or infatuation. This is the problem marriages too face and results in so many cases of divorces or separation; in the case of love relationships, it could become estranged.

GRANTEDNESS A QUIET BUT DAMAGING LOVE VENOMFact is we human beings easily get accustomed to a thing and may not know the value of it until we lose it, or almost lose it. We take life for granted until we have a close brush with death and then this sharpens our closeness to God; this is because we are used to seeing ourselves alive every day and forget the reality that people die or the possibility of dying.

We scrape money to buy the latest car or phone, but after a while, we get so used to it the excitement felt for the object diminishes until a day comes when we lose it, or almost lose it to robbers. Truth is, we cannot indeed go gaga over the new TV we bought a year after we bought it and expect our excitement to be the same as when we first bought it.

Reality seeps in, and with so many things catching our attention daily, it is a miracle, if not an impossibility, to remain excited the same level all the time over the same thing. Even the way a newborn baby will be smothered with love at birth will not be the same after the baby has grown into an adult; this is why last-born children are showered with more attention than firstborn are.

The same thing therefore applies in love. Slowly, without being conscious of it, we tend to take the other person for granted and doing things (or not doing things) that we would have done (or not done) before. This should not be seen as a sign that we do not love the other person, it is simply man’s nature coming to play. Because the moment it seemed we are about to lose our partner, lover or wife, we either panic or frightened inwardly of losing that person. Then we try to make up by buying gifts or apologizing. However, this is not an excuse for infidelity, for there are ways you can bring this under your control.

Sometimes, either one or both of you need to withdraw. Let the imagination of the other person play. At the beginning when lovers just meet, imagination is used a lot but after starting a relationship, reality takes over imagination.

Humans prefer fantasy to reality, therefore give room by letting the other person shape love or the lover in his/her fantasy or imagination. The more you are seen or heard from in any group or among friends, the more common you appear. But if after becoming tight friends or close-knitted and then you withdraw for a while, you become more desired, and everyone cannot wait for the next time they will see you again. Your value has gone up after people have painted images of you in their fantasy and crave for you again; a company they are likely to take for granted when they see you all the time.

Distance magnifies people, but after coming close to them and become used to their friendship, they suddenly become like any other person to us. This seeps into love too, especially when one or both lovers become too possessive. Hounding your loved ones only produce the opposite effect, for you have made your presence too much, even to the point of making the other person feel like a prisoner being monitored.

The feelings from peace and re-unification are often sweet after two fighting lovers make up. The rapprochement becomes like a renewal of starting again and refreshing the love. The joy of reconciliation heightens your value after some absence. Mind you, in the beginning of a relationship, your constant presence is required or too much absence would not allow the relationship to take off properly. But in the course of the relationship, too much constant presence soon wears the relationship into what we become so used to (this doesn’t mean we don’t love our partner) that we began looking for a newer form of excitement. Note too that too much absence wanes love though.

Therefore, occasionally, we should go for holidays with our lovers to change environment. And, occasionally, you should find an excuse to get away for some time. But your need to get away should be responsible, and not a reason to hop into bed with someone else. When you have a disagreement with your lover, make good use of it by taking your presence away for a while. It would not only help you to know if your lover loves you by wanting you back, it would help you desire him/her again in a form of making up.

Do not do this however, at the beginning of a relationship; it should only be done when the flames of love are dying. The aim is to rekindle the love after it has been taken for granted. Renew it with romance to win back your lover.

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Have you ever bothered to ask yourself what you want in a relationship? Is it friendship, marriage, sex or material satisfaction? If anything as been taken for granted as much as we take breathing for granted, then it is love. Several things define love for many people in many different ways; however if the true essence of this agent, love, could be found, then could the ideal relationship is certain between any couple.

The world is no longer a huge place where China would be like a million light years away to someone living on the bank of River Limpopo. The world is now a global village where virtually everything is online, from business to dating. The girl, or guy, of your dream could only be a click of a mouse away now.

The motives behind your search for Cinderella or Prince Charming should be clearly defined. True love could be discovered anywhere, but selfish motives are a no, no, if you will open your mind for that right person. The mind is like a parachute, it can only work if it were open, for if a parachute is not opened that means serious trouble for the parachutist.

We are likely to miss the best moments in our lives if we are too beclouded with personal motives like looking for the made-man or some rich girl, or just looking for sex or for someone out of seeking a shoulder to lean on. You should go into relationships with openness or your self-centredness would suffocate that other person. The truth is nobody wants an emotional or material burden that is so wrapped in self-pity. Hence, while you are expected to be honest and ‘be yourself’, you should not go talking a mile a minute; most people who talk too much tend to lie or talk away to cover their insecurities, yet you should also not be a bore that would drive others from you as kill-joy.
Happy_Black_Couple
Loving is like walking tightrope, especially in the beginning. Do not just jump into the hands of every dick and harry, yet do not be too fastidious. Do not yap away so much that you couldn’t even get to know the other person and filling your chat with ‘I’ did this or ‘I want that…shows you are egocentric. Listen to that other person. Seek friendship first, if the chemistry would align, then love would follow, so that you will save yourself from the trouble of ‘mistaken love’.

Lastly, watch your spelling. It is dumb to say frank when you mean frown.

Online chatting is fun in not only making it easy for you to interact with people from all over the world you might never have been able to meet if not for the internet, global village, it also makes life easier to find people with whom you share similar interests or palaver. Apart from love, there is the chance of meeting that person who will play a crucial role in the next level in one’s life or career; the Internet is simply the eighth wonder and online dating or relationship could harness so much possibilities.

However, the Internet is also crawling with cons who capitalized on what people want to deceive unsuspecting people. Here are a few tips to avoid falling victim to online crooks while using the internet.

a. There is often a common format of doing things; the current ones being used by conmen is telling you they are from some African country in a war-camp and pose as girls with nice pictures.

b. There profiles are either not 3-D or their pictures do not have the usual kind of pictures a normal profile bears of the person at a party, or by a stair or some other caught-in-the-act pictures with friends, at parties or in our houses. Mind you, girls take pictures more than boys do and they don’t mind showing them off, so be wary of a girl profile with little or no pictures that show different activities of the person at different times.

c. Watch out for those who are quick to tell you their misfortunes or tell you about some business rather than build friendship with you, except if you are interested in a particular business yourself and not cajoled or introduced to it by someone you just met. Let online friends remain as friends, until you have spoken and chatted to a level you trust him/ her and then decide whether to take the relationship a notch up or not.

d. Sieve facts. Someone tells you she is writing from a war-camp in Senegal, and you too did not know the fact that Senegal is not in war! Then it is your fault you are ignorant. Never stop being curious to find facts.

e. You can never be too careful.

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Have you ever had the experience of finding someone you think is special and all your friends and family are all lukewarm, noncommittal and not excited at all? Did people ever laugh at or tease you about your choice? Can be very disappointing right? Makes you turn suddenly very uncertain about your sense of judgment. Should you just stick to your guns and ignore them? If you do what if you end up making a huge mistake? Do you just let your gut feeling guide you or are there some signs to look out for that could help you confirm she is really the one? Well many people think there are signs that help you know you have finally homed in on the “one”. Here are five of the much talked about ones.

Every One I In Agreement :- You know you have met the right person when everyone who matters to you is in complete agreement and support of the match. They don’t fall silent or disperse when you and your mate come into the room and are eager to invite your new girl friend to join in your group rumps. They enjoy her company and she enjoys theirs and everyone thinks she is great fun. They know you quite well and family and friends know what is good for you.

She Makes You Happy :- If she lifts your spirit and makes you totally happy all the time then she is the one. She seems to anticipate and meet your needs effortlessly and does not take you for granted. She is that special someone if she knows what you like and enjoys doing them. Not only that you both love similar things and share similar values there seems to be no conflict in both your goals. She totally has time and eyes only for you. Your moments together are magical and there is perfect communication between you both.

There Is Very Little Drama :- A sign you are both a great match is that there isn’t the constant quarrels and misunderstandings over everything and very little things as you generally see in many unhealthy relationships around you. If there are no breakups and makeup. If she is thoughtful and exhibits supreme wisdom, care and respect when it comes to you, if you are both totally compatible, she is probably the one.

You Are Both Yourselves :- A girl with whom you can totally be your real self with is a great find. If between the two of you things can be real – there are no games, no schemes, no pretence, no hidden agenda, no lies, no deceit, and then you have found the right person. Being able to let all your guard down in a relationship and still feel safe is a great bonus in a relationship.

You Trust Her :- If you have no fear trusting her, if you can tell her anything and trust her with your personal secrets then you have found someone special. If she does not shrink away from the not so pleasant things about you, if you can trust her with your friends or with other men, if she holds up well even in difficult trying situations. Then you may have found yourself a mate. Find that special lady is important for every relationship. Use our search to find that special person on 4clique today!


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If your relationship is suffering, did you ever consider it could be because friendship is lacking in it? A great relationship can only exist between partners that are great friends. This is because friendship is a great component for successful relationships. So how do you get to be your partner’s best friend? Here are eight ways to become friends with your mate and probably save your relationship.

Be A Friend To Get A Friend – It takes a good friend to be a good friend. You know how you enjoy friendship with your great friends, how friendship goes. How you are yourself with them, talk about anything under the sun without fear you will be reprimanded or judged. You make up easily when there is a misunderstanding, how you tread carefully so you don’t hurt their feelings, how you stand up for and stand behind them always. Imagine if you did all these lovely things with and for your partner how things would improve in your relationship. You are a good friend so start being that to your partner.

Do Things Differently -Begin to take special interest in your partner if you were not in the habit of doing that before. Try to find out how things are really going on with him. Be in the know about his affairs and his issues. Learn to be his best confidant. Listen to his opinions find out his goals and try to know and understand his involvements. Knowing things as they truly affect him without criticizing or looking down at him even if he makes mistakes would draw you both closer together.

Spice Things Up – In the beginning of your relationship you were up for anything. You had so much fun together. Get things back to that level. Try bringing suggestions that could spice things up again. Suggest things and places you didn’t like going before or doing before because that was not your kind of thing but you know your partner really loves. You do that with your friends anyway. Usually you put up with a lot of things you don’t really like for the sake friendship so why not do that for your partner and see how things work out.

Stand Up For Your Partner -Being caring and protective brings trust and deepens affection. Come to his aid when you think he needs it. Come to his defense when occasion demands for it. You will see him feel your support. Knowing you are always on and by his side will draw you both into a stronger and deeper and more meaningful relationship.

Learn His Love Language -When does your partner feel loved and cared for? Is it when you are cuddly and affectionate? If you are not sure find out. Make sure you act in a way that reassures him of your love and affection always. Do things you know he likes and do it often. You will be amazed how quickly things will turn around.

Be There -Learn your partner’s weakneses, their fears etc without being judgmental. Love them for who they really are not what you can make them. Isn’t that what we do to our friends? Don’t be in a relationship because you want to change your partner into who you want him to be. That will breed unnecessary tension. You can only encourage him to be the best version of himself. Celebrate your mate’s strength and cheer him on. Always be his best fan. Be the first to get there and the last to leave when he needs you.

Forgive Big And Small -There is no one without flaws. Sometimes we make small slips – we forget a date, a birthday, an anniversary etc and sometimes we make really big mistakes. We are only human. To learn to forgive and start over is the sign of a great friend. It is okay to get mad but don’t let it drag for too long and affect everything. So bring forgiveness into the love relationship you have with your partner.

Don’t Expect Too Much -Give your partner a break. We often expect our partner to be our superman or superwoman that can get to be quite exhausting. A good way to be good friends with your partner is to let them off sometimes. Don’t over depend on them emotionally, physically, spiritually etc. If there is a problem it is better to opt to share the burden with them. Share with him financially, emotionally etc.Your friendship and intimacy will grow.

To be the best of friend with anyone, you have to be aware of their needs and their feelings. It should be the same for your partner. Do not take your partner or relationship for granted. Always be alert to his needs and feelings and do your best to keep him happy. Luckily for everyone these suggestions are not too difficult to follow; they are actually fun so go ahead and try them and watch your mate become the best friend you ever had.

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Everybody falls in love at some point in their lives. Many are able to give their best in love and are able to recognize when things begin to change irreparably in their relationship and are able to move on to more fulfilling relationships. But for some other people it becomes a life and death battle to disengage from a relationship no matter how bad it has become. These people are so obsessed with their lovers they are unable to leave or forget a love interest even after a relationship has clearly ended and this could drag for months or even years in some cases. Why are these cases? It is because they are love addicts and that is the subject of this article. How do you know if you are one? Ask yourself these questions to find the answer.

Does love appears to be the most important thing in the world to you?
As far back as you can remember have you been preoccupied with love and romantic fantasies?
Do you hate being lonely? Do you hate your own company? Once or twice have you been involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely. Sometimes when you are lonely and looking for companionship did you settle for less than you deserve?
When you are in a relationship do you tend to be overly envious and possessive of your lover? Do you smother your partner with too much love?
Once you have bonded with someone does it seem so hard for you to let go?
When you are attracted to someone do you ignore all the warning signs that the person is not suitable for you?
Are you afraid of never finding someone to love? Do you feel in- adequate and empty if you are not in a relationship?
When a relationship ends do you feel your life is over and more than once have you thought of suicide because of a failed relationship?

According to Love Addicts Anonymous, if you answered yes to more than a few of these questions you are probably a love addict.

What is love addiction?
Love addiction is when a person is so addicted to the feeling of love and being in love so much so that she cannot exist without love or being in love or in a relationship. She needs to always be in a relationship to feel happy and worthwhile and accepted. Life appears empty without being with someone. It also means falling for someone and getting so attached to that person and idolizing him beyond logic, reason and beyond the point of divinity. It is being so enthralled by your love object that you perish all reality and wallow in fantasies which you spin around and about your lover and assign to him godlike hero attributes he does not possess in reality. You project all forms of illusions on and around the person believing them to be the only person that can bring you happiness. Without them you feel your life is meaningless and you would die if they left. And you can’t let go even if the relationship has become abusive. It is simply put, becoming obsessed with another human being. Linda Sapadin PH.D explains it in an interesting way. She says.

“Clearly addictive love does not listen to logic, it does not respect reason
It does not give credence to other people’s counsel. Despite yourself worth hitting a new low, you don’t leave the relationship. Just like a drug addict, you cannot give up your drug.”

So what is to be done if you feel you clearly qualify to be termed a love addict or you know someone who does? The main issue is that most people don’t even believe anything like love addiction exists. It is even being debated if love addiction qualifies medically as an addiction- like you have alcohol addiction or drug or even sex addiction. But Dr Sapadin gives a firm advice on how to get out of love addiction .She says and I quote.

“Take a first step by labeling it what it really is, it’s not love, it is an addiction. Admit the truth. You fear leaving him, you fear being alone, you fear moving out of your comfort zone.”

Since obsessive love addiction is fueled by fantasy, changing the way you think is the best way to get over an ex if you are a love addict. Brenda Schaeffer, a Minneapolis, Minnesota based psychologist, certified sexual addiction specialist and author of “Is It Love or Is It addiction?” says.

She outlines the following steps to help people overcome love addiction.
Be honest to yourself access yourself for addictive love tendencies (see some already mentioned in the beginning of this article.)
Know that healthy love does exist. Learn how to identify it determining not to settle for less.
Let go of an unhealthy relationship. Be ready to face the pain letting go will definitely cause you.
Don’t try to forget the past, utilize it. Be determined to move beyond the painful experience and focus on having a future successful relationship.
Join a support group like Love addicts anonymous or find a good therapist that can help guide you out of your addiction.

Good luck in your search for a healthy and fulfilling love relationship.
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Life offers us many interesting rewards one of which is the opportunity to build healthy relationships especially with the opposite sex. Interestingly enough we are told there are lots of fish in the sea but through our personal experience we have found out finding the “one” isn’t always the easiest task. But if you are looking for love and have not found it yet, there are a few steps you could follow to find true love.

1. Accept Yourself As Imperfect – The First thing to note before starting to search for true love is that perfection does not exist, not in our world at least. Understanding this helps. You are human and therefore not perfect. Also other people are not perfect therefore expecting perfection in a world where there is no perfection would sabotage your happiness and peace of mind.

2. Open Your Heart – To find love you have to be open to love. You have to be receptive to love from where ever it comes to you. Your Mr Right may show up from where you least expect or hoped. He may also not look anything like what you dreamed. Just have an open expectant heart.

3. Be Yourself – In your last relationship things weren’t the way you wanted it. Maybe you had to hide the real you from your partner because you felt he may not like you very much if he knew who you really are inside. Well now you don’t have to anymore. Just be your real self. Let go of trying to please, trying to be perfect, trying to be liked etc. Just be yourself and hope to be loved for who you really are.

love

4. Stick To Your Core Values – Don’t compromise on what you really want. Don’t get into just any relationship with any one because you are afraid or tired of being alone or because you want to belong. Stick to being with only the person that has the qualities you admire in a partner. Staying true to yourself would not only build your confidence and self esteem but would also attract the right person to you.

5. Take Care Of Yourself – People treat us how ever we treat ourselves. Be good to yourself. Treat yourself with kindness, respect and love and you will attract someone that would treat you in the same way too. High self worth, good self esteem and self respect are very attractive attributes in a person and they attract people to you. They can attract to you the mate of your dreams.

6. Be More Out Going – You are not likely to meet someone new in your living room so be more outgoing. Try new things, online dating for instance, visit new places join new activities go out to parties with friends. Be expectant; surround yourself with positive up beat people. Let everyone know especially your friends that you are looking to meet someone special and you just might. Happily ever after can happen to anyone and you are no exceptions.
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Love is a beautiful thing. Love brings happiness where ever it is found but maybe this is an over assumption. Here are some exciting answers some people have given to this interesting question.

1. Love brings happiness – “Yes it does bring happiness … I believe to get the right description of what love is, you need to check out 1 Corinthians 13. Love is beautiful, nothing like it. It’s pure and although it can’t be flawless in this world due to sin, the person is flawless to you. You accept everything about them even their faults. You forgive them and care about them even when wronged. Love does not cheat or abuse the person. I thought I knew love before but the people always bruised me, lied to me and cheated on me. So I never have known real love. True love never lies…..there you go hope that helps.”

2. Love does not bring happiness – “Nah, it makes me f—king miserable, but its like “if I never loved, I never would have cried” and what kind of life is that.”

3. Love brings happiness – “I think love is a wonderful sensation you get throughout your whole body whenever that special someone is around. Love makes me happy. You know you have found love when you think of being with someone nonstop. Or the way you get chills down your spine whenever they touch you. And no one you look at could ever give you anything more than what this special person has ever given you. Love is no matter how hard you try you can’t find anything better. I am loved and I have loved. Love is wonderful.”

4. Love brings happiness – “Love is friendship that has caught fire; it takes root and grows… one day at a time. It is the quite acceptance of imperfection. It is real…And it gives you strength and grows beyond you. The feeling of being loved is elevating, it lifts you up… it makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before. If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you don’t have. If you don’t have love in your life, whatever else you do have has a lot less meaning. The secret of our being is not only to live but to have something to live for”.

5. Love does not bring happiness – “ I think love is a b—ch”

6. Love does not bring happiness –“I think love is dumb because the person I have loved for three years can never know. I have to keep it the DL and that makes life all the more harder. Plus I have to see them every day. Not that I don’t enjoy it but it is just too hard to talk to someone you love as if you don’t. You know not letting things slip out”.

Well there you have it. Many of these answers came from yahoo answers. It would be interesting though to read your take on this question. Write in and let us know how love really makes you feel. Share your love story today!

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Let’s face it, as there are things women hate about men, there are things men hate about women too. It is not often because of the man that the relationships failed. Women are fond of making this seem the case. The man is always painted the bad guy responsible for all the heart ache and heart break. But this is not often the case. More often than we women would want to admit, it is the woman’s fault things did not work out. Many women need to learn to admit this and know that it is also their responsibility to help make things work in their relationships. Many need to learn to put their act together. It is not really nice to be classed into any of the categories of women men love to avoid especially if you are looking to settle into a fulfilling relationship. Here are a few kinds of women men stay away from.

THE GOLD DIGGER

The gold digger is the lady that is more interested in your money than she is interested in you. She is the person who wouldn’t be with you if you didn’t have the ability to provide for her needs. She wants what you can offer her more than she wants your company. She appreciates only your financial resources. Such women always have needs that have to be urgently met and they will keep at you about it until they get what they want. They are always about their bills: house rent, clothes, medical bills etc. This sort lacks empathy and is often ignorant or unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings or needs of her partner in the relationship. She always expects and never gives. Such women are everywhere.

MISS RIGHT

This lovely lady may have a host of great qualities and admirable characteristics, but she has this strong need to always be right. She is always correct, has to always be right. She never accepts defeat not in an argument. This trait is so strong that it turns her relationship not only into a battle ground but a general disaster as well. That’s why she makes it into the six types of women to avoid. She has to be right about any and everything to the point that your slightest word had better be in agreement with her’s. She is cocky, argumentative quarrelsome and often and easily picks fights. She likes having the last word. This is enough to wear any man out. She generally wears that “I told you so” look everywhere and makes him feel dumb when he falters or makes mistakes. If you disagree or prove her wrong, she can’t let you go free without a nasty fight. Her pride and her arrogance stand in the way of her having a good relationship not only with her guy but with any one at that.

THE BOSSY WOMAN

A bossy man is accepted because society accepts the bossy assertive male. It even believes such men help get things done in the society but the bossy woman on the contrary is totally disliked by the society. This is because being bossy is regarded as abnormal character for women. Society is simply antagonistic to the bossy female. This is because in many societies the woman is still expected to be that submissive creature that stays at home and in the kitchen nurturing everyone. But the bossy woman in contrast is usually the strong willed, controlling, feminist, man hating, mean, over ambitious (career minded) over independent woman that makes the relationship feel more like a business partnership than a romantic relationship. Men are threatened by this self assured, maybe high earning even possibly argumentative female. Signs of this overbearing attitude in any woman no matter her other endowments will likely send any normal thinking male running.

MISS CLINGY

From all available statistics it is obvious men hate clingy women. Clinginess is not only annoying but can be exhausting in a relationship. The woman known as miss clingy is that overly possessive, obsessed, insecure female with endless self esteem issues. She so obsessed with the relationship she worries endlessly what would become of her if the relationship were to end and on account of this insecurity has too much drama which she foolishly involves him in endlessly. She has to be over at his place all the time and mixes herself in all his business uninvited and men find this very tedious. She bores them out of their minds. Most men are free spirited and don’t want to put up with this.

MISS CHATTER BOX.

This type of woman is very superficial and talkative. She is always with her numerous female friends and has too much time for gossip. She knows everyone and everyone’s business and everything going down. She is easily the loudest and merriest in a room and is free with everyone even people she barely knows. When she starts talking she prattles merrily on for the next ten minutes without stopping or noticing that he is not responding to her talk or if he is, he is responding in uninterested monosyllables. She shares her ideas and thought with anyone and does not seem to know or understand the need for privacy or secrecy. This wears him out. No man likes to be worn out this way. What is more it takes effort for him to be heard in the relationship. He feels he has to fight for his time to put in a word and when he does, she doesn’t even hear him because she is self involved.

THE FLIRT

Finally the flirt is another type of woman men hate. This is the kind of lady that can flirt with anyone in trousers. It is an awful trait. He cannot trust her with his best friend or his brother because she would flirt or sleep with anyone behind his back. No man has tolerance for this type of woman. There are tons of women like this these days. Without good morals. Even if a man (and I don’t know any) can find it within himself for love of a girl to tolerate this, you can be sure he won’t tolerate it for long. Some women flirt around with other men to stroke their egos because they feel they are so beautiful and irritable, others end up being called flirts because they are too friendly with the opposite sex and have almost no boundaries. Even if they don’t sleep with them, some women feel more comfortable surrounded by a lot of male friends. This usually sends off the wrong message to their man if they are in a committed relationship. Some are too insecure they have to be in multiple relationships to feel loved or needed, for others it is just their nature or personality. Whatever is the reason men are known to be territorial creatures no man wants the threat of another man in his territory. He would leave as soon as he is no longer sure his woman.

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Are you a male reader, curious to know what women really want in their men?

Would you want to know what kind of men women find truly attractive and what kind truly repels them? If that is the case I suggest you read this article carefully because am going to give you access to a lot of information perhaps you weren’t privy to before now.

1. THE THOUGHTFUL AND CONSIDERATE MAN.

I know the general view is that women love money and affluence in their men. I don’t discount this because I am yet to meet a woman that does not want those in her man. But it would surprise you that right in the heart of every woman, money are not the singular consideration when it comes to things she admires in her man. Women are developing more and more these days a strong desire for men that are very thoughtful and considerate. They want the man that makes them feel good because he recognizes, appreciates and compliments their every effort. Money can buy a lot of things but money does not always provide this feeling of being loved or of being held in high esteem. Women love to be complimented that is the fact. A woman loves a man who is receptive and cares how her day went and how she is going about all her issues and how she is feeling at any time. Women are very expressive creatures, they love to talk. They want a man that listens, really listens with interest when they talk about all their issues no matter how trivial they may appear. She never tires of hearing how much her man finds her attractive and irresistible. That is another fact. Once a woman knows you care, it makes her feelings for you grow all the more intense.

2. THE INTELLIGENT MAN.

These days’ women are coming more and more into their own. They are gaining more confidence in themselves and achieving more. They are finding and excelling in their chosen niche alongside their male counterparts in virtually all walks of life. So there are lots and lots of intelligent independent women out there these days probably more than ever before. These women no longer need the dominant male, but a mate she can relate to more as a friend than as a social inferior. Her man is one that makes her feel he appreciates her mind too and not just her body in the relationship. A man confident in himself and his achievements, and is not threatened by her knowledge or her charisma. Someone that understands respects and accepts her actions, choices, decisions etc without drama and without her having to explain them out or justify them overly. She particularly appreciates a person who does not get embarrassed when she contributes to conversations if he is talking with his friends this is because she is savvy and has her own opinions on virtually everything and she would love to express them without running the risk of getting tagged “opinionated”. The intelligent man is the one that understands and appreciate all of these facts.

3 THE MAN WITH ENOUGH TIME.

Getting enough time from her partner makes a woman happy. This is a secret quality any woman appreciates in her man. Uninterrupted time would mean time without his friends or family, his phone, his computer, television. Time without anything on or between both of them. Time they are alone just the two of them, enjoying each other’s company. This kind of quality alone time is getting scarcer in relationships. A man that has time to be affectionate is always a hit with women. This is because women are naturally cuddly and loving creatures. They love the man that has time for them and time for hugs, kisses, phone calls, text messages, the works etc.

4. THE MACHO MAN.

Although macho features can’t be said to be appeal to every woman, many women are still attracted to the Macho man. This is because the messages macho features give off to the women is that of being in control, being in great health, great strength, and having excess testosterone etc. The macho man exude so much confidence and strength that make his woman feel so safe and secure like she is with a knight in shinny amour. Every woman wants to feel her man will fight for her honor at all times. Outside being physically attractive, the theory goes also that masculine testosterone fueled men have good genes that can be passed on to their children whether this is myth or reality I don’t know but I know and you know every woman wants beautiful offspring.

5. THE MAN WITH EXPERIENCE.

Finally it is nice to conclude with the fact that women want men, not boys. Ultimately what a woman wants when she is with her man is to have all her needs and desires fulfilled and it takes a real man to do that. What are these needs you may want to ask? Every woman wants security. In our civilized world every woman would want a man who would have answers for at least many of her problems. Whether she is having problems with her gadgets, her car, something in her home, her finances etc she wants her man to be involved and to help fix it. No woman wants the clueless man. They want a man whose lead they can easily follow because it guarantees them excitement and fulfillment. That is probably the reason why most women prefer older more experienced men. Women are fun loving creatures they want their man to be in charge of providing them that. A savvy man offers a woman imagination, creativity and passion things women love because they love adventure. A woman expects her man to know all the fun places to go to, the right music, the best things to eat when they dine out, hold his own among other men, give the right gifts, and know the right things to say in conversation, all the best things to do to keep them happy and satisfied. A man without much experience can’t do all these.

These are just hints on what women really want in their man so get creative guys. Figuring out what your woman really wants is not only crucial to becoming effective in dealing with her, but also in developing the kind of relationship you really want.

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There are two very serious mistakes many people make in relationships. One is not picking the right person. The other is remaining in a relationship after realizing you have picked the wrong person. Staying in a dysfunctional relationship with a less suitable partner whether out of desperation, neediness, fear, financial considerations or for whatever reason is plain setting yourself up for misery and heart ache. Happily ever after is something we all fantasize about but somehow never quite achieve in our relationships because we are imperfect and we are in relationships with people who are not perfect also. There are bound to be problems, but there are times when a relationship has reached its dead end and has assumed too many irreparable problems and we need to let it go and not hold unto them irrationally. When things get to this point and we realize it (the truth is we always know when our relationship has become a dead one) it is time to do something decisive about it. It is in our best interest and in the interest of who ever we are in a relationship with to do something about our dead relationships because everybody deserves the opportunity to find true love and to be in a healthy relationship. Below is a list of signs that will show you if you are in a dead end relationship.

When he does not tell anyone about you and pretends he wants to keep you to himself. Nobody knows you even exist in his life because he does not specify he is in a serious relationship. He does not invite you to meet with or hang out with his clique. He never mentions his family or gives excuses why you cannot come with him to visit. When you are never told anything significant about him and you have to either find out or stumble on his secrets or personal facts yourself. You are just a girl in his bedroom.

When he has lustful eyes and finds females outside of you attractive. When he starts cheating on you, begins to have flings no matter how unimportant he swears they are compared to you. When you notice him giving the eye to other women or openly flirt with them when he is with you. These are bad signs that things are really bad in your relationship. A healthy fulfilling relationship is supposed to be a strong guard to temptations for both of you. It only shows that your commitment isn’t strong enough to hold him.

When there is almost no contact between you both all day, no text messages or phone calls compared to when you both started. (Then you couldn’t both get enough of each other). No passion to hear from each other anymore or know what the other person is doing. You are both living parallel lives no matter how much you want to deny that to yourself. Especially if there is no more consideration of each other’s feelings. You no longer meet each other halfway on issues and no longer make each other feel comfortable and loved. If it becomes obvious with each passing day, you are no longer compatible. Everyone sticks to his guns and you are threatened and intimidated until he gets his way. These are sure signs that all is not well with both of you.

If your views of and emotions for each other have undergone a drastic deterioration and he has become vengeful when before he was tolerant and forgiving shows something is wrong. If arguments become frequent and over the most trivial things and often gets so nasty he says mean things to you or calls you names he never would have done before and never feels any remorse afterwards. You never see eye to eye about anything anymore and never say sorry even if he knows he has hurt you.

When he never mentions you whenever he talks about what he wants to do in the future and is distracted or noncommittal when you talk of yours. It means your goals are totally different from each other’s. You have no access to anything that has his name on it and he insists you don’t go into each other’s personal effects, phones or read each other’s mails. In fact he gets very angry if you pick his calls. If time for intimacy is quickly gotten over with or is few and far between or you cannot even remember the last time you both went on a proper date and he showed any real desire to want to be alone with you.

I do not discount the fact that a dead end relationship might turn around. There is a great possibility that it can and sometimes does. To turn around will require without mincing words a lot of work to be done by both parties. It will require a lot of commitment from both parties to make things work. Lots of patience, forgiveness, and energy etc things both parties may not be willing anymore to invest. In the event that things have become irreparable and in the interest of the mental, emotional, physical and even in many cases the spiritual health of both parties it is often a better though not the easier alternative for the relationship to be broken off or at least suspended for a while until things get clearer.

Nobody wants to hear that they could be a waste of another person’s time but often times we waste each other’s time. Time is an important factor in life. The time wasted in fruitless relationships is time we could be doing better things with our lives or finding true happiness with other people that appreciate us more and truly want to be with us. This might sound selfish but we want to live up to our own expectations in life and our partner should be allowed to live up to his own expectations too. We can both do this only when we exist in or create an environment that permits that to happen. It is our responsibility to create that environment no one can create it for us. Ending a relationship is never easy but sometimes it is the best thing to do in the face of an unhealthy relationship. Both parties would eventually have each other to thank for it. At least they gave each other the opportunity to start over.